Im still crazy in love / obsessed with babydaddy *he turned me down once again

We are both in very serious relationships with other people, but if he dumped the poor excuse of a girl hes with now, i'd leave my DF in a heartbeat. 

Hes the best baby daddy ever and has never missed 1 day of his visitation, and will take our kid whenever i need him too. he pays child support on time, and helps out when i need money. Hes got the bad boy look but hes the sweestest ever. i messed up and i don't think he'd ever look at me that way again. 

it kills me to get on his facebook and see photos of him with our kid knowing hes not mine and thats not our family anymore, and every photo he posts of him and his girl, i save to my computer and edit out her part of the photo.

i still have his name tattooed on my boob from when we were together, even tho he covered mine up.

hes my world.

my password for facebook is still hesmynate69

i f'ing love him.

i wish he could see that. but until he does, i facebook stalk him.

like today, he posted on facebook 

"stayed home today just needed a day to spend with lil dude while kris is at work. love days alone with my lil kman"

which kinda gave me the idea their fighting. 

i can hope <3333

yes this seems kinda stalkerish but i need to keep utd on what hes doing.

theres my confession for the night.

people keep asking why im with df if im in love with bd

i do love df but the love for bd is just much more. bd is up on this fake lil pedastool were df is just a normal person.  i'd do anything for bd! i didnt leave him he left me. i didnt cheat on him, i got into drugs a few times and after the 2nd time of catching me he gave me the choice of rehab or custody battle and at that time i had to pick custody battle. i wasnt ready to give it up.

he knows how i feel about him. i've told him over and over again. 

as im typing this we are talking on facebook and i plan on telling him again and honestly seeing about giving it a second chance.

i'll post the convo afterwards.

drugs were a mistake, and it still haunts me til today. i only get custody of my son TWO days a week. his dad gets 5 days a week so technically im a part time parent but i dont claim to be. im the only one my son has.

i want us to be a family.

and his response...which really made things even worse.  

maybe things arent suppose to be...but this doesnt change my love for him. 

i have him added under another name so i can still see whats going on with him, but that wasnt the response i was wanting.

i put time and effort into mine and he was just being a ass.

[Mcelly]

How did u mess up?

[winkyloafer]

...dude, I'm glad I'm done with that phase.

[jackieb2811]

Why would you even continue to be with someone you don't even want to be with that is awful! There is someone out there waiting to meet your DF and love him yet you take advantage of having him just for the sake of being with someone for what? So you don't look pathetic to your ex? So you aren't alone? So you can depend on someone to take care or help you with your son or bills or whatever it is. I just don't know I don't get it.

If you loved this man so much you would have never 'messed things up' to begin with, right? Leave DF (poor guy thinks you really want to marry him).

[D.O.E.]

well,

you need some sort of head shrinker to figure out why you are doing that when you are engaged to someone else.

[NewMamaBoo]

How did u mess up that relationship

[Anonymous 1 - Original Poster]

Quoting Grumpylilpixy:

EEEKKK. Emotions can be very powerful. I don't know what to say besides why did you leave him to begin with?

He left me, i would have never left him.

[MrsDavidB25]

[BEXi]

[Kaya529]

You need to leave your fiance now. It isn't fair to him to marry him if your in love with soneone else. He deserves to find a women who feels the same way about him as you do your ex, minus the stalking part.

[Anonymous 1 - Original Poster]

Quoting NewMamaBoo:

How did u mess up that relationship

The last few months of being pregnant i was hardcore into drugs due to hanging out with the wrong crowd of people, swore i'd never do it again and ended up doing it again after having our kid.

He caught me, i lied and he walked out that day. He gave me the option of rehab or custody battle and at the time i wasn't ready to give it up. Since then i have and never looked back but hes not willing to. 

There was other issues, but that was the main one.