idk how to stay away from him. i KNOW he'll be the end of me. i know this- and yet, i cannot stay away. i am attracted to him, i want him, i desire him... but i also hate him. he disgusts me. he knows all of this. i tell him often that i hate him sometimes.... and yet, he still thinks we can work together, that we'd work as a couple.
what is wrong with me? he's like my drug. i know he's wrong- wrong for me, wrong to be around... but i cant stay away from him. i have love towards him, he has a piece of my heart... but i'll be honest, i know that he loves me, but i feel like if i go back with him- that means i love myself less. i deserve more than him, more than what he did.... i'd be settling if i went with him-- but my god, i LOVE him, i want him.
my family will hate me if i got with him. they will disown me and they help me so much. i've been feeling like this since i first met him, 8 years ago. we were together... then we were seperated- my family forced me. when i finally came back, he was with another girl, told me to leave him alone... so i did. thats what he wanted... but he says that he was never happy, that he was too fucked up on drugs to really know.
i moved on to a different/better relationship... i have since left that guy, but my feelings for him is still so strong. stronger than ever before.