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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My husband won't stop...

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Changing my iCloud settings on my phone so he can see my text messages and safari history. I'm sick of it, I had an emotional affair two years ago and he is still constantly in my business. He can already look at my phone whenever he wants and look at my phone bill online to see who I talk to. He knows I haven't talked to the other guy. I just can't take anymore of this... He's out of control with jealousy
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 17, 2013 at 8:03 AM
Replies (311-320):
angray08
by Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 7:50 AM

I agree with some of the other posters. If this is what he needs to do to gain trust back, and you have nothing to hide, let it happen.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 73 on Jan. 18, 2013 at 7:56 AM
2 years isn't that long...he probably just needs more time. Everybody is different and maybe you should have thought about the effects it was going to have on your marriage??
Nunyabusiness
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 8:15 AM

It's because of YOU you jackass.

*smh

GLO682
by Silver Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 8:24 AM

 

Quoting Anonymous:

 

Quoting GLO682:

 Although you cheated and you were in the wrong, he chose to stay with you therefore he has no right to do this. if he isn't going to be able to trust you, you shouldn't be together. he can't just hold something over your head for the rest of your life.

 2 years is not the rest of her life or a long time by any means. He may have chose to stay but she should make consessions since she is the one who cheated. My husband cheated on me when we first got married and it is still in the back of my mind that he did that, I check his phone occasionally and watch his facebook page like a hawk. I love him very much, but trust does not always come back easily, nor should it if your spouse is capable of cheating on you. You can forgive, that does not mean you can forget.

OP, you made a mistake and now you should do anything you can to help your DH overcome his trust issues with you, even if it means letting him look at your messages. If you are more understanding the more likely he will be to trust you again.

i get that you don't forget but the OP says he is out of control with jealousy. I would never live constantly wondering if my SO is cheating on me or what he's doing or who he's talking to or question every time he left the house. i think that is not a healthy way to live. that's my point.

Maks1mommy
by Ruby Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 8:26 AM
This. He needs to move on.

Quoting GLO682:

 Although you cheated and you were in the wrong, he chose to stay with you therefore he has no right to do this. if he isn't going to be able to trust you, you shouldn't be together. he can't just hold something over your head for the rest of your life.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 74 on Jan. 18, 2013 at 9:18 AM

Maybe you DID make your own bed, but at SOME POINT, those behaviors HAVE to stop.  Why?  Because he CHOSE to forgive you and stay in the marriage. 

It is a therapy standard after an affair, for the Straying spouse to have to be an open book to the Betrayed spouse.  BUT, that is for a limited time.  Eventually, the Betrayed spouse must choose to trust again, OR...this happens.  He cannot keep her under lock and key for the rest of her life.  If he does, they might as well split NOW.  

Are you both IN therapy currently?  There are many steps one must take to successfully move past an affair.  it sounds like you have been honest and open since yours.  But he cannot go behind your back and change settings in your phone, when you have given him permission to look at the phone and bills, anytime.  That is a bredding ground for control and resentment.  

If he CANNOT forgive and move on, then he needs to deal with the pain of walking away and do it.  A relationship with no trust (even 2 years after an affair) and filled with control, is no better than a relationship in which an affair is currently happening. 

Best of Luck.

chercaruso
by Bronze Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 9:30 AM

 Sweetie...do not listen to these women here.  Yes, you were wrong for what you did, but if you and your husband did not go to counseling so that he could learn how to trust you again and so you could learn what you could do to earn back that trust, then you desperately should.  No one in this forum or the world is without sin.  We have ALL done things to someone we loved that was wrong and hurtful.  I commend you for admitting your mistake and wanting to earn back his trust.  But you guys cannot go it alone.  You are both hurting.  Fix it.  Before it's too late.  ((hugs and best of luck))

Anonymous
by Anonymous 75 on Jan. 18, 2013 at 9:34 AM

I had an emotional affair that ended 8 months ago. DH has done the same thing with my iphone settings. The last time the guy contacted me was in June, a month after I ended it, and I showed him the message immediately. He says it will get better in time, I can't imagine having this go on years later... I hope things get better for you.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 76 on Jan. 18, 2013 at 9:54 AM

I say you deserve it. 

Emilytrademark
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 9:55 AM

 Trust is very hard to rebuild, but you have to decide if it's worth it to you to go through the snooping and whatever it takes for him to regain the trust.

 BabyFruit Ticker
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