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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Am I really doing it wrong? Need some support here.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 9 Replies

Okay, I'll try to keep this short. When my DH and I bought our mini-van we were not married and because I was not working the loan company didn't want me on the loan. We tried to refinance last October and the new company was saying that we needed to do certain things through the DMV and the first loan company well, my DH was working all the time then and couldn't get to the DMV or even contact the loan company during the week, so we went beyond the 30 day limit the second finance company had alotted us and ended up missing a payment with our actual loan company. Then my DH hurt his arm and hasn't been working as much and money has been really tight, so we missed another payment in November. I tried setting up payment arrangements with the loan company and unfortunately we just didn't have the money, we managed to make one payment, but we're still two payments behind. Now they're saying that it's going to go to the repossession department, so out of desperation I called my parents to see if we could borrow the money (I rarely ask my parents for anything, not because they won't help, but because I just hate borrowing money).

Anyway, my dad gave me this whole lecture about my DH needing to get off his ass and take care of these financial issues because since I'm not on the loan I can't handle any of things at the DMV, but I can discuss things with the loan company since my husband okayed it back when we initially bought the car. I'm in tears because yes, I agree my DH needs to be more active in the budget and bills but he's never been and I've always just paid the bills and taken care of things. It's worked for us in the past, and now my dad has just made me bawl my eyes out because he thinks my DH is worthless and just sits there like a bump on a log. I try to make things easier for my husband, he has a high stress job and things haven't gotten easier for him now that he's hurt his arm and is on light duty at work and he's worried about whether we'll even make enough money to pay rent. I've cut our bills everywhere except the internet and our cell phones (which are on a two year contract and would cost us more to cancel than it would to pay monthly).

My father says my DH should have been the one to call them and ask for money. I disagree because I know my family better. Am I overprotecting my DH? Am I just stupid for trying to carry this by myself? I mean, I do talk to DH and we try to come up with solutions together. He's aware of the situation, but I'm the problem solver and always have been...I think if I'd left it in DH's hands our van would have been repossessed a long time ago because he would have avoided trying to find a solution.

Do you and your SO/DH budget together or do one or the other of you handle all the bills? What works for you and why does it work?

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 17, 2013 at 1:34 PM
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Replies (1-9):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 17, 2013 at 1:43 PM
1 mom liked this
Your dad sounds old fashioned and closed minded. Like be thinks men run the house hold and women are just stupid, live in house keepers or something. It's your family so of course you should be the one to ask for money and if you are the one that handles bills because you are better at it than there's nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately you have to hear the earful your dad is giving you since you are asking him for money. It just comes with the territory. As far as financial advice I don't know what advice to offer other than make more and spend less. It's a simple concept that is not always easy to actually act on. But there's no other way. Someone will have to find a way to earn more.
clp0930
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 1:46 PM

We budget together, do you work? Does your dad understand the extent of your husband's injury?

tleedavis
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 1:50 PM

 I handle everything, he just gives me money to pay all of them.

JC2223
by Gold Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 1:57 PM

 DH makes the money and pays the bills but we discuss everything. We learned a long time ago that only one of us can control the finances because we have very different methods and we are both very stubborn in them. Your father sounds very old school where a man isn't a man unless he is providing for his family. Unfortunately you involved him when you asked for his help and that entitles him to his opinion. People can't have a say in your life unless you involve them. I would let your fathers comments roll off your back...you know your situation and why you are in it. Just do what you have to do to get through it and pay your Dad back ASAP.

Mamasgirl524
by Platinum Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 2:01 PM
I see your dad's stance but I don't in any way think you we're wrong and I can see why he hurt your feelings.
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LilyofPhilly
by Platinum Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 2:05 PM
Lots of wives take care of the financial affairs.
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Action_Jaxon
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 2:06 PM
i tell him when things are due. He makes sure theyre paid.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 17, 2013 at 2:39 PM

 I am not working right now, I may do a little baby sitting on the side or some English tutoring to bring in a little cash, but it's not much. We have three young children (1, 2, and 3 years old) and another due in May. I stay home with them as day care costs would eat up any money I actually made. No, my family doesn't understand my husband's injury. He has tendonitis which is causing the muscles to tear away from the bone.

Quoting clp0930:

We budget together, do you work? Does your dad understand the extent of your husband's injury?


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 17, 2013 at 2:51 PM
1 mom liked this
My dh gives me the paycheck and sets aside how much we will spend in food, and the rest goes to bills that a get paid. We are behind on our car as well, but are about to be caught up at the end of this month. It is in my name, and the only reason why we got behind is I went on maternity leave earlier than expected. I cut everything back not just in extras, but with credit cards too. If you try to work with them and pay something they will most likely let you keep it and keep paying. You have to let them know your situation. If they calk you everyday so be it, but as long as you let them know what is going on they should work with you.
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