my daughters temper scares me.

[Anonymous]

It's true. She's 23 months old and since she was 4.5 months she's been throwing god awful tantrums. She will bang her head on the floor, throw herself backwards and then just flail about. She has injured herself several times and doesn't care. When she's super mad she throws things and gets so upset its scary. I dont know what to do with her. I worry that she might have some kind of issue and we don't see it. She doesn't like eye contact when she's freaking out and her fits can last two hours.

Does anyone have advice for us? This has been addressed with her doctor but not recently. Her pediatrician said it might be just a stage.

[svolkov]

go back. ask to see a specialized pedi or a psychologist. no eye contact is a big red flag for autism. not to scare at all but id go get it checked. check out http://www.firstsigns.org/ too

 

[Anonymous]

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?

[Anonymous]

This would be my question.  I know when I was young if I ever did anything like that, my mom would spank us until we stopped, no exceptions.  We were NOT allowed to behave like that, period.  However, I realize that in some cases it's not just a kid being a kid, that there can be something deeper going on.  My advice would be to ramp up the discipline, and if that doesn't work, then go about it on the medical side.  

Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.

Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?

[Anonymous]

I think you are mistaken -- spanking is meant to scare a kid.  If she's scared of the spanking, then you're going a good job.  I promise you 2 year olds can certainly understand a spanking, and they can also understand when mommy and daddy are too timid to stand by their rules.  It sounds like you are letting your daughter manipulate you...at least to some degree.  

Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.

Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

No. She does not have the upper hand. Spanking her does nothing for her aside from making her scared of us.

She also has no vocabulary, very repetitive motions and behaviors and intentional self injury.

Quoting Anonymous:

I think you are mistaken -- spanking is meant to scare a kid.  If she's scared of the spanking, then you're going a good job.  I promise you 2 year olds can certainly understand a spanking, and they can also understand when mommy and daddy are too timid to stand by their rules.  It sounds like you are letting your daughter manipulate you...at least to some degree.  

Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.

Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?

[Anonymous]

When my daughter did that I didn't spank her either. I did hold her until she calmed down and I would kiss her hands if she tried to hit and throw stuff and said no that hurts. I don't know but it worked for her she's a very affectionate 5 year old she turns 6 on Monday :) I would also see a specialist i'm not comfortable with the no eye contact part either.

[levansbx]

This!

Quoting svolkov:

go back. ask to see a specialized pedi or a psychologist. no eye contact is a big red flag for autism. not to scare at all but id go get it checked. check out http://www.firstsigns.org/ too

 

[Anonymous]

You have just answered your own question. Two year olds are very smart. I do daycare and have 5 two year olds all day long. If you don't spank that is your choice. I would personaly pick her up ver firmy say " tantrums are not acceptable" then put here in her bed and say " you may come out when you stop" if mine got up but cont. The tantrum they got a swat an put back and told again not to come out until they were done. Repeat as many times as necasary.

Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.

Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?

[svolkov]

 

i think you should do a bit more research. as an behavior analyst this comment scared me :/

Quoting Anonymous:

 

I think you are mistaken -- spanking is meant to scare a kid.  If she's scared of the spanking, then you're going a good job.  I promise you 2 year olds can certainly understand a spanking, and they can also understand when mommy and daddy are too timid to stand by their rules.  It sounds like you are letting your daughter manipulate you...at least to some degree.  

Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.

Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?