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my daughters temper scares me.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
It's true. She's 23 months old and since she was 4.5 months she's been throwing god awful tantrums. She will bang her head on the floor, throw herself backwards and then just flail about. She has injured herself several times and doesn't care. When she's super mad she throws things and gets so upset its scary. I dont know what to do with her. I worry that she might have some kind of issue and we don't see it. She doesn't like eye contact when she's freaking out and her fits can last two hours.

Does anyone have advice for us? This has been addressed with her doctor but not recently. Her pediatrician said it might be just a stage.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 17, 2013 at 4:56 PM
Replies (11-20):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:10 PM


Yes -- thatt is absolutely the point of spanking.  She should be scared of you and scared to misbehave.  People forget that is how children learn.  However, in this case being that she also has repetitive motions and self injurous behaviors I think that it sounds like something medical is going on, maybe autism or something else.  

Quoting Anonymous:

No. She does not have the upper hand. Spanking her does nothing for her aside from making her scared of us.

She also has no vocabulary, very repetitive motions and behaviors and intentional self injury.

Quoting Anonymous:


I think you are mistaken -- spanking is meant to scare a kid.  If she's scared of the spanking, then you're going a good job.  I promise you 2 year olds can certainly understand a spanking, and they can also understand when mommy and daddy are too timid to stand by their rules.  It sounds like you are letting your daughter manipulate you...at least to some degree.  


Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.



Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?






Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:10 PM

hunny that sounds like autism or something on that scale

jessi2girls
by Ruby Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:11 PM

I would get her evaluated.. 

talk to her pediatrician again, and ask for a referral to a specialist for an evaluation on her development and behavior. 

svolkov
by Emerald Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:11 PM

 

wow. and the moms of these kids are ok with this??? time out only works starting around 3. redirection and pre-emptive measures work best for a 2 yr old. i hope you arent liscensed or anything. when you do time out is should be one minute for every yr they are old.

Quoting Anonymous:

You have just answered your own question. Two year olds are very smart. I do daycare and have 5 two year olds all day long. If you don't spank that is your choice. I would personaly pick her up ver firmy say " tantrums are not acceptable" then put here in her bed and say " you may come out when you stop" if mine got up but cont. The tantrum they got a swat an put back and told again not to come out until they were done. Repeat as many times as necasary.

Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.



Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?


 

xtwistedxlovex
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:11 PM

Start cutting the tantrums off before they can start. Pay attention, learn the signs of her temper beginning to rise, and redirect her. Give her a quiet spot to calm herself, talk to her about what she's feeling, and maybe consider getting her something to focus her anger on. DS had a ball with glitter in it; he would shake it and watch the glitter settle when he needed to calm down.

It probably won't completely fix the issue if her temper is so out of control, but it may at least tone it down a bit while you're waiting for answers.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:12 PM
Write in to Dr. Phil...
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:12 PM

no! Tantrums that last 2 hrs are not normal! To me that sounds like autism and in that case when she gets mad, she sees "red" and anything say or do can wind her up more or be completely lost on her but if this is the case, spanking her will cause more harm than good! 

Quoting Anonymous:


Yes -- thatt is absolutely the point of spanking.  She should be scared of you and scared to misbehave.  People forget that is how children learn.  However, in this case being that she also has repetitive motions and self injurous behaviors I think that it sounds like something medical is going on, maybe autism or something else.  

Quoting Anonymous:

No. She does not have the upper hand. Spanking her does nothing for her aside from making her scared of us.

She also has no vocabulary, very repetitive motions and behaviors and intentional self injury.

Quoting Anonymous:


I think you are mistaken -- spanking is meant to scare a kid.  If she's scared of the spanking, then you're going a good job.  I promise you 2 year olds can certainly understand a spanking, and they can also understand when mommy and daddy are too timid to stand by their rules.  It sounds like you are letting your daughter manipulate you...at least to some degree.  


Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.



Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?







Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:12 PM
I do not want my daughter scared of her parents, thats no way to live. She has something going on I am starting to suspect

Quoting svolkov:

 


i think you should do a bit more research. as an behavior analyst this comment scared me :/


Quoting Anonymous:


 


I think you are mistaken -- spanking is meant to scare a kid.  If she's scared of the spanking, then you're going a good job.  I promise you 2 year olds can certainly understand a spanking, and they can also understand when mommy and daddy are too timid to stand by their rules.  It sounds like you are letting your daughter manipulate you...at least to some degree.  


Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.


Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?

 


 




 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:13 PM
1 mom liked this

 No, it's not scary -- it's true.  I remember as a kid, I was scared of my father but not my mother.  Guess who I obeyed? Not my mom.  I'm talking about a healthy fear, not a trembling in the corner fear.  I'm talking about a fear of spanking, as in, I won't do XYZ because my mom/dad WILL spank me and I WILL get things taken away , plus my mom and dad will be very disappointed and angry.  If you have no fear of authority, then you have no drive to do what is right, because there are no consequences.   I am in no way advocating abuse or beatings.  I DO definitely believe in a spanking and a firm hand.  It's been my experience that loving, gentle parenting coupled with firm and quick discipline produces well behaved children.  


Quoting svolkov:


i think you should do a bit more research. as an behavior analyst this comment scared me :/

Quoting Anonymous:


I think you are mistaken -- spanking is meant to scare a kid.  If she's scared of the spanking, then you're going a good job.  I promise you 2 year olds can certainly understand a spanking, and they can also understand when mommy and daddy are too timid to stand by their rules.  It sounds like you are letting your daughter manipulate you...at least to some degree.  

Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.

Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?







Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:14 PM
She does see red. Once she gets mad or "freaks' there's absolutely nothing that can be done to calm her down.

Quoting Anonymous:

no! Tantrums that last 2 hrs are not normal! To me that sounds like autism and in that case when she gets mad, she sees "red" and anything say or do can wind her up more or be completely lost on her but if this is the case, spanking her will cause more harm than good! 

Quoting Anonymous:


Yes -- thatt is absolutely the point of spanking.  She should be scared of you and scared to misbehave.  People forget that is how children learn.  However, in this case being that she also has repetitive motions and self injurous behaviors I think that it sounds like something medical is going on, maybe autism or something else.  


Quoting Anonymous:

No. She does not have the upper hand. Spanking her does nothing for her aside from making her scared of us.



She also has no vocabulary, very repetitive motions and behaviors and intentional self injury.



Quoting Anonymous:


I think you are mistaken -- spanking is meant to scare a kid.  If she's scared of the spanking, then you're going a good job.  I promise you 2 year olds can certainly understand a spanking, and they can also understand when mommy and daddy are too timid to stand by their rules.  It sounds like you are letting your daughter manipulate you...at least to some degree.  



Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.





Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?









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