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my daughters temper scares me.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
It's true. She's 23 months old and since she was 4.5 months she's been throwing god awful tantrums. She will bang her head on the floor, throw herself backwards and then just flail about. She has injured herself several times and doesn't care. When she's super mad she throws things and gets so upset its scary. I dont know what to do with her. I worry that she might have some kind of issue and we don't see it. She doesn't like eye contact when she's freaking out and her fits can last two hours.

Does anyone have advice for us? This has been addressed with her doctor but not recently. Her pediatrician said it might be just a stage.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 17, 2013 at 4:56 PM
Replies (21-30):
svolkov
by Emerald Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:16 PM

 i completely agree with you. i was talking to the other anon who basically wants you to use corporal punishment on a two yr old. besides the fact that i dont agree with physical punishment the biggest prob with it is that once you remove the fear factor(ie the parent who hits the child) they are much less likely to comply. the point of discipline is to teach, not punishment. good for you OP for not taking the lazy way out. im sure if something does show up from a specialist you will do a great job helping your daughter


Quoting Anonymous:

I do not want my daughter scared of her parents, thats no way to live. She has something going on I am starting to suspect

Quoting svolkov:

 


i think you should do a bit more research. as an behavior analyst this comment scared me :/


Quoting Anonymous:


 


I think you are mistaken -- spanking is meant to scare a kid.  If she's scared of the spanking, then you're going a good job.  I promise you 2 year olds can certainly understand a spanking, and they can also understand when mommy and daddy are too timid to stand by their rules.  It sounds like you are letting your daughter manipulate you...at least to some degree.  


Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.


Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?

 


 


 


 


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:16 PM


Yes I agree that if it is autism or something else spanking won't do her any good.  I do think that spanking has a place in getting rid of most tantrums but in the case of medical issues that's another thing altogether.  That requires the help of a professional.  

Quoting Anonymous:

no! Tantrums that last 2 hrs are not normal! To me that sounds like autism and in that case when she gets mad, she sees "red" and anything say or do can wind her up more or be completely lost on her but if this is the case, spanking her will cause more harm than good! 

Quoting Anonymous:


Yes -- thatt is absolutely the point of spanking.  She should be scared of you and scared to misbehave.  People forget that is how children learn.  However, in this case being that she also has repetitive motions and self injurous behaviors I think that it sounds like something medical is going on, maybe autism or something else.  

Quoting Anonymous:

No. She does not have the upper hand. Spanking her does nothing for her aside from making her scared of us.

She also has no vocabulary, very repetitive motions and behaviors and intentional self injury.

Quoting Anonymous:


I think you are mistaken -- spanking is meant to scare a kid.  If she's scared of the spanking, then you're going a good job.  I promise you 2 year olds can certainly understand a spanking, and they can also understand when mommy and daddy are too timid to stand by their rules.  It sounds like you are letting your daughter manipulate you...at least to some degree.  


Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.



Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?









Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:17 PM
Actually yes I am licensed and I aslo have raised five very well behaved children of my own. And yes timeout does work for two year olds. Any fool who believes otherwise probably has very bratty two year olds. The kids in my care are taught to follow directions, sit quietly when need be, and to not throw tantrums.

Quoting svolkov:

 


wow. and the moms of these kids are ok with this??? time out only works starting around 3. redirection and pre-emptive measures work best for a 2 yr old. i hope you arent liscensed or anything. when you do time out is should be one minute for every yr they are old.


Quoting Anonymous:

You have just answered your own question. Two year olds are very smart. I do daycare and have 5 two year olds all day long. If you don't spank that is your choice. I would personaly pick her up ver firmy say " tantrums are not acceptable" then put here in her bed and say " you may come out when you stop" if mine got up but cont. The tantrum they got a swat an put back and told again not to come out until they were done. Repeat as many times as necasary.


Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.




Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?



 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:17 PM
Laziest shit I've ever heard... Too much effort to teach a teach a toddler correct behaviors and self control so I'll just hit them or alone to cry and eventually they'll learn not to do this and hopefully be sacredto displease me anymore.

Quoting Anonymous:

 No, it's not scary -- it's true.  I remember as a kid, I was scared of my father but not my mother.  Guess who I obeyed? Not my mom.  I'm talking about a healthy fear, not a trembling in the corner fear.  I'm talking about a fear of spanking, as in, I won't do XYZ because my mom/dad WILL spank me and I WILL get things taken away , plus my mom and dad will be very disappointed and angry.  If you have no fear of authority, then you have no drive to do what is right, because there are no consequences.   I am in no way advocating abuse or beatings.  I DO definitely believe in a spanking and a firm hand.  It's been my experience that loving, gentle parenting coupled with firm and quick discipline produces well behaved children.  



Quoting svolkov:



i think you should do a bit more research. as an behavior analyst this comment scared me :/


Quoting Anonymous:




I think you are mistaken -- spanking is meant to scare a kid.  If she's scared of the spanking, then you're going a good job.  I promise you 2 year olds can certainly understand a spanking, and they can also understand when mommy and daddy are too timid to stand by their rules.  It sounds like you are letting your daughter manipulate you...at least to some degree.  


Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.


Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?











svolkov
by Emerald Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:20 PM

 

there are so many better alternatives that are just as or more effective as physical punishment. respect for authority is much more ideal than fear. that teaches life long goals and ways to behave. if you only fear authority as a way to behave than once that is removed you no longer behave. my goal is for my children(and others as well) to behave because its desirable and the right thing to do...not because they fear retribution in the form of physical punishment

Quoting Anonymous:

 No, it's not scary -- it's true.  I remember as a kid, I was scared of my father but not my mother.  Guess who I obeyed? Not my mom.  I'm talking about a healthy fear, not a trembling in the corner fear.  I'm talking about a fear of spanking, as in, I won't do XYZ because my mom/dad WILL spank me and I WILL get things taken away , plus my mom and dad will be very disappointed and angry.  If you have no fear of authority, then you have no drive to do what is right, because there are no consequences.   I am in no way advocating abuse or beatings.  I DO definitely believe in a spanking and a firm hand.  It's been my experience that loving, gentle parenting coupled with firm and quick discipline produces well behaved children.  

 

Quoting svolkov:

 

i think you should do a bit more research. as an behavior analyst this comment scared me :/

Quoting Anonymous:

 

I think you are mistaken -- spanking is meant to scare a kid.  If she's scared of the spanking, then you're going a good job.  I promise you 2 year olds can certainly understand a spanking, and they can also understand when mommy and daddy are too timid to stand by their rules.  It sounds like you are letting your daughter manipulate you...at least to some degree.  

Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.

Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:20 PM

I would definitely push for the ped to check her out thoroughly. Get every frickin blood test that they can possibly run and def take her to a neurologist and explain everything she does when she throws the temper tantrums.

svolkov
by Emerald Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:22 PM

 

thats scary. as an applied behavior analyst who happens to hold a master's degree on the subject of behavior intervention(specifically those with autism), and a mother of three very well behaved children i find this comment amusing. i must be a fool ;) as are all those other people with letters after their names

Quoting Anonymous:

Actually yes I am licensed and I aslo have raised five very well behaved children of my own. And yes timeout does work for two year olds. Any fool who believes otherwise probably has very bratty two year olds. The kids in my care are taught to follow directions, sit quietly when need be, and to not throw tantrums.

Quoting svolkov:

 


wow. and the moms of these kids are ok with this??? time out only works starting around 3. redirection and pre-emptive measures work best for a 2 yr old. i hope you arent liscensed or anything. when you do time out is should be one minute for every yr they are old.


Quoting Anonymous:

You have just answered your own question. Two year olds are very smart. I do daycare and have 5 two year olds all day long. If you don't spank that is your choice. I would personaly pick her up ver firmy say " tantrums are not acceptable" then put here in her bed and say " you may come out when you stop" if mine got up but cont. The tantrum they got a swat an put back and told again not to come out until they were done. Repeat as many times as necasary.


Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.




Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?

 


 


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:23 PM


My Dd is 2 also. You would be surprised at just how much 2 year olds DO understand. 

Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.

Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?



Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:23 PM


LOL you haven't raised any kids, have you? It's not lazy, it's called parenting.  I'm not saying use spanking as the first line of discipline (unless the situation demands it, which is not often) but it's a very valuable tool and one parents should use when needed.  Spanking isn't meant to be used alone anyway, it's meant to be used along with other corrective measures.  I've raised four children with these methods and they are all wonderful human beings.  My parents used these methods along with the parents of most of kids I grew up with.  Guess what? We are all normal, well adjusted adults who are respectful of our elders and ourselves.  Spanking is a good tool with toddlers because they are too young to be reasoned with.  As they get older, the reasoning goes further and the spankings diminish until they are no longer necessary and the child is too old anyway.  

Quoting Anonymous:

Laziest shit I've ever heard... Too much effort to teach a teach a toddler correct behaviors and self control so I'll just hit them or alone to cry and eventually they'll learn not to do this and hopefully be sacredto displease me anymore.

Quoting Anonymous:

 No, it's not scary -- it's true.  I remember as a kid, I was scared of my father but not my mother.  Guess who I obeyed? Not my mom.  I'm talking about a healthy fear, not a trembling in the corner fear.  I'm talking about a fear of spanking, as in, I won't do XYZ because my mom/dad WILL spank me and I WILL get things taken away , plus my mom and dad will be very disappointed and angry.  If you have no fear of authority, then you have no drive to do what is right, because there are no consequences.   I am in no way advocating abuse or beatings.  I DO definitely believe in a spanking and a firm hand.  It's been my experience that loving, gentle parenting coupled with firm and quick discipline produces well behaved children.  



Quoting svolkov:



i think you should do a bit more research. as an behavior analyst this comment scared me :/


Quoting Anonymous:




I think you are mistaken -- spanking is meant to scare a kid.  If she's scared of the spanking, then you're going a good job.  I promise you 2 year olds can certainly understand a spanking, and they can also understand when mommy and daddy are too timid to stand by their rules.  It sounds like you are letting your daughter manipulate you...at least to some degree.  


Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.


Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?













Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:24 PM
1 mom liked this
Thank you to the ladies who have been so kind. To those who think I should use spanking well maybe that works for you but honestly the more I think Bout it she might be autistic or on the spectrum in dome way. I should mention I have a brilliantly well behaved four and a half year old and seven year old.
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