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my daughters temper scares me.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
It's true. She's 23 months old and since she was 4.5 months she's been throwing god awful tantrums. She will bang her head on the floor, throw herself backwards and then just flail about. She has injured herself several times and doesn't care. When she's super mad she throws things and gets so upset its scary. I dont know what to do with her. I worry that she might have some kind of issue and we don't see it. She doesn't like eye contact when she's freaking out and her fits can last two hours.

Does anyone have advice for us? This has been addressed with her doctor but not recently. Her pediatrician said it might be just a stage.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 17, 2013 at 4:56 PM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:27 PM
Its funny how I get compliments from every parent on how well behaved their kids are thanks to me....but hey that can't be because timeouts don't work on two year olds. Holding a degree doesn't always mean you know what your talking about

Quoting svolkov:

 


thats scary. as an applied behavior analyst who happens to hold a master's degree on the subject of behavior intervention(specifically those with autism), and a mother of three very well behaved children i find this comment amusing. i must be a fool ;) as are all those other people with letters after their names


Quoting Anonymous:

Actually yes I am licensed and I aslo have raised five very well behaved children of my own. And yes timeout does work for two year olds. Any fool who believes otherwise probably has very bratty two year olds. The kids in my care are taught to follow directions, sit quietly when need be, and to not throw tantrums.


Quoting svolkov:


 



wow. and the moms of these kids are ok with this??? time out only works starting around 3. redirection and pre-emptive measures work best for a 2 yr old. i hope you arent liscensed or anything. when you do time out is should be one minute for every yr they are old.



Quoting Anonymous:

You have just answered your own question. Two year olds are very smart. I do daycare and have 5 two year olds all day long. If you don't spank that is your choice. I would personaly pick her up ver firmy say " tantrums are not acceptable" then put here in her bed and say " you may come out when you stop" if mine got up but cont. The tantrum they got a swat an put back and told again not to come out until they were done. Repeat as many times as necasary.



Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.





Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?


 



 




 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:27 PM


 Well, we will have to agree to disagree here.  I've personally seen the results of my methods work out very well for me, and for many others around me.  I thank God that my parents spanked me and taught me to fear authority, because it has served me very well.  My kids are hardly ever spanked, and are all wonderful human beings.  I always get glowing remarks about their behavior, and part of it is because they are afraid to disobey and afraid of the consequences.  They are also eager to do well and eager to make good lives for themselves.  I see where you are coming from -- I feel you are wrong.  That's okay however, because you are entitled to your opinion and entitled to raise your children the way you see fit -- as am I with mine.

Quoting svolkov:


there are so many better alternatives that are just as or more effective as physical punishment. respect for authority is much more ideal than fear. that teaches life long goals and ways to behave. if you only fear authority as a way to behave than once that is removed you no longer behave. my goal is for my children(and others as well) to behave because its desirable and the right thing to do...not because they fear retribution in the form of physical punishment

Quoting Anonymous:

 No, it's not scary -- it's true.  I remember as a kid, I was scared of my father but not my mother.  Guess who I obeyed? Not my mom.  I'm talking about a healthy fear, not a trembling in the corner fear.  I'm talking about a fear of spanking, as in, I won't do XYZ because my mom/dad WILL spank me and I WILL get things taken away , plus my mom and dad will be very disappointed and angry.  If you have no fear of authority, then you have no drive to do what is right, because there are no consequences.   I am in no way advocating abuse or beatings.  I DO definitely believe in a spanking and a firm hand.  It's been my experience that loving, gentle parenting coupled with firm and quick discipline produces well behaved children.  


Quoting svolkov:


i think you should do a bit more research. as an behavior analyst this comment scared me :/

Quoting Anonymous:


I think you are mistaken -- spanking is meant to scare a kid.  If she's scared of the spanking, then you're going a good job.  I promise you 2 year olds can certainly understand a spanking, and they can also understand when mommy and daddy are too timid to stand by their rules.  It sounds like you are letting your daughter manipulate you...at least to some degree.  

Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.

Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?











carolyntx
by Gold Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:27 PM
I have 16 month old twins who throw some pretty extreme tantrums, one throws herself and is not phased by injury, she also "snubs" us by refusing to look or make eye contact when she's angry. The other is a screamer and pulls her own hair and falls to the ground crying. They're extremely dramatic. The things that work for us is talking to them calmly, redirection (asking if they'd like to get a drink, play with a different toy) and sometimes we just pick them up and let them cry until they're done. One if my girls has gone a couple hours with the fits at night when she thinks it's time to get up and we are trying to coax her back to sleep... She's a tenacious little girl in all things though so it's kind of a partof her personality that she's very stubborn and has a short fuse... If you feel something is wrong please seek help and information but also realize it could be a phase or part of her personality and try to anticipate and cut the fits off before she gets there
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
svolkov
by Emerald Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:30 PM

 

so do i. actually it does in this case. if my degree was say...micro biology or law...perhaps not. but yes i know my stuff when it comes to best behavior interventions...and WHY they are so effective. as does my track record. I have never yet had a single child that hasnt improved their behavior to what we were trying to achieve while i was working with them and their parents/teachers. thats a lot more than 5 or a handful. my guess would be hundreds at this point.  give or take.

Quoting Anonymous:

Its funny how I get compliments from every parent on how well behaved their kids are thanks to me....but hey that can't be because timeouts don't work on two year olds. Holding a degree doesn't always mean you know what your talking about

Quoting svolkov:

 


thats scary. as an applied behavior analyst who happens to hold a master's degree on the subject of behavior intervention(specifically those with autism), and a mother of three very well behaved children i find this comment amusing. i must be a fool ;) as are all those other people with letters after their names


Quoting Anonymous:

Actually yes I am licensed and I aslo have raised five very well behaved children of my own. And yes timeout does work for two year olds. Any fool who believes otherwise probably has very bratty two year olds. The kids in my care are taught to follow directions, sit quietly when need be, and to not throw tantrums.


Quoting svolkov:


 



wow. and the moms of these kids are ok with this??? time out only works starting around 3. redirection and pre-emptive measures work best for a 2 yr old. i hope you arent liscensed or anything. when you do time out is should be one minute for every yr they are old.



Quoting Anonymous:

You have just answered your own question. Two year olds are very smart. I do daycare and have 5 two year olds all day long. If you don't spank that is your choice. I would personaly pick her up ver firmy say " tantrums are not acceptable" then put here in her bed and say " you may come out when you stop" if mine got up but cont. The tantrum they got a swat an put back and told again not to come out until they were done. Repeat as many times as necasary.



Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.





Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?


 



 


 


 


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:31 PM


I'm bumping this conversation because I really enjoying this argument between the spanker/2 year old time out giver and the popus master degree holding perfect mom. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Its funny how I get compliments from every parent on how well behaved their kids are thanks to me....but hey that can't be because timeouts don't work on two year olds. Holding a degree doesn't always mean you know what your talking about

Quoting svolkov:



thats scary. as an applied behavior analyst who happens to hold a master's degree on the subject of behavior intervention(specifically those with autism), and a mother of three very well behaved children i find this comment amusing. i must be a fool ;) as are all those other people with letters after their names


Quoting Anonymous:

Actually yes I am licensed and I aslo have raised five very well behaved children of my own. And yes timeout does work for two year olds. Any fool who believes otherwise probably has very bratty two year olds. The kids in my care are taught to follow directions, sit quietly when need be, and to not throw tantrums.


Quoting svolkov:





wow. and the moms of these kids are ok with this??? time out only works starting around 3. redirection and pre-emptive measures work best for a 2 yr old. i hope you arent liscensed or anything. when you do time out is should be one minute for every yr they are old.



Quoting Anonymous:

You have just answered your own question. Two year olds are very smart. I do daycare and have 5 two year olds all day long. If you don't spank that is your choice. I would personaly pick her up ver firmy say " tantrums are not acceptable" then put here in her bed and say " you may come out when you stop" if mine got up but cont. The tantrum they got a swat an put back and told again not to come out until they were done. Repeat as many times as necasary.



Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.





Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?












svolkov
by Emerald Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:31 PM

 as ive stated...my "opinions" arent really so much of opinions once they are backed by factual research and a much large study group ;) but glad your family is just fine.


Quoting Anonymous:

 

 Well, we will have to agree to disagree here.  I've personally seen the results of my methods work out very well for me, and for many others around me.  I thank God that my parents spanked me and taught me to fear authority, because it has served me very well.  My kids are hardly ever spanked, and are all wonderful human beings.  I always get glowing remarks about their behavior, and part of it is because they are afraid to disobey and afraid of the consequences.  They are also eager to do well and eager to make good lives for themselves.  I see where you are coming from -- I feel you are wrong.  That's okay however, because you are entitled to your opinion and entitled to raise your children the way you see fit -- as am I with mine.

Quoting svolkov:

 

there are so many better alternatives that are just as or more effective as physical punishment. respect for authority is much more ideal than fear. that teaches life long goals and ways to behave. if you only fear authority as a way to behave than once that is removed you no longer behave. my goal is for my children(and others as well) to behave because its desirable and the right thing to do...not because they fear retribution in the form of physical punishment

Quoting Anonymous:

 No, it's not scary -- it's true.  I remember as a kid, I was scared of my father but not my mother.  Guess who I obeyed? Not my mom.  I'm talking about a healthy fear, not a trembling in the corner fear.  I'm talking about a fear of spanking, as in, I won't do XYZ because my mom/dad WILL spank me and I WILL get things taken away , plus my mom and dad will be very disappointed and angry.  If you have no fear of authority, then you have no drive to do what is right, because there are no consequences.   I am in no way advocating abuse or beatings.  I DO definitely believe in a spanking and a firm hand.  It's been my experience that loving, gentle parenting coupled with firm and quick discipline produces well behaved children.  

 

Quoting svolkov:

 

i think you should do a bit more research. as an behavior analyst this comment scared me :/

Quoting Anonymous:

 

I think you are mistaken -- spanking is meant to scare a kid.  If she's scared of the spanking, then you're going a good job.  I promise you 2 year olds can certainly understand a spanking, and they can also understand when mommy and daddy are too timid to stand by their rules.  It sounds like you are letting your daughter manipulate you...at least to some degree.  

Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.

Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:32 PM


God you sound like a fucking snob

Quoting svolkov:


so do i. actually it does in this case. if my degree was say...micro biology or law...perhaps not. but yes i know my stuff when it comes to best behavior interventions...and WHY they are so effective. as does my track record. I have never yet had a single child that hasnt improved their behavior to what we were trying to achieve while i was working with them and their parents/teachers. thats a lot more than 5 or a handful. my guess would be hundreds at this point.  give or take.

Quoting Anonymous:

Its funny how I get compliments from every parent on how well behaved their kids are thanks to me....but hey that can't be because timeouts don't work on two year olds. Holding a degree doesn't always mean you know what your talking about

Quoting svolkov:



thats scary. as an applied behavior analyst who happens to hold a master's degree on the subject of behavior intervention(specifically those with autism), and a mother of three very well behaved children i find this comment amusing. i must be a fool ;) as are all those other people with letters after their names


Quoting Anonymous:

Actually yes I am licensed and I aslo have raised five very well behaved children of my own. And yes timeout does work for two year olds. Any fool who believes otherwise probably has very bratty two year olds. The kids in my care are taught to follow directions, sit quietly when need be, and to not throw tantrums.


Quoting svolkov:





wow. and the moms of these kids are ok with this??? time out only works starting around 3. redirection and pre-emptive measures work best for a 2 yr old. i hope you arent liscensed or anything. when you do time out is should be one minute for every yr they are old.



Quoting Anonymous:

You have just answered your own question. Two year olds are very smart. I do daycare and have 5 two year olds all day long. If you don't spank that is your choice. I would personaly pick her up ver firmy say " tantrums are not acceptable" then put here in her bed and say " you may come out when you stop" if mine got up but cont. The tantrum they got a swat an put back and told again not to come out until they were done. Repeat as many times as necasary.



Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.





Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?














CV3
by Silver Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:32 PM
Thank you for saying this. I was starting to think I was the only one who realized this. I agree with you 100% on the spanking.

And OP, I do think an evaluation is nessary. I dont know much about autism but that sounds more extreme than any normal kid I have ever known. Even for a non spanked child. (For lack of better term)


Quoting Anonymous:


LOL you haven't raised any kids, have you? It's not lazy, it's called parenting.  I'm not saying use spanking as the first line of discipline (unless the situation demands it, which is not often) but it's a very valuable tool and one parents should use when needed.  Spanking isn't meant to be used alone anyway, it's meant to be used along with other corrective measures.  I've raised four children with these methods and they are all wonderful human beings.  My parents used these methods along with the parents of most of kids I grew up with.  Guess what? We are all normal, well adjusted adults who are respectful of our elders and ourselves.  Spanking is a good tool with toddlers because they are too young to be reasoned with.  As they get older, the reasoning goes further and the spankings diminish until they are no longer necessary and the child is too old anyway.  


Quoting Anonymous:

Laziest shit I've ever heard... Too much effort to teach a teach a toddler correct behaviors and self control so I'll just hit them or alone to cry and eventually they'll learn not to do this and hopefully be sacredto displease me anymore.



Quoting Anonymous:

 No, it's not scary -- it's true.  I remember as a kid, I was scared of my father but not my mother.  Guess who I obeyed? Not my mom.  I'm talking about a healthy fear, not a trembling in the corner fear.  I'm talking about a fear of spanking, as in, I won't do XYZ because my mom/dad WILL spank me and I WILL get things taken away , plus my mom and dad will be very disappointed and angry.  If you have no fear of authority, then you have no drive to do what is right, because there are no consequences.   I am in no way advocating abuse or beatings.  I DO definitely believe in a spanking and a firm hand.  It's been my experience that loving, gentle parenting coupled with firm and quick discipline produces well behaved children.  




Quoting svolkov:




i think you should do a bit more research. as an behavior analyst this comment scared me :/



Quoting Anonymous:






I think you are mistaken -- spanking is meant to scare a kid.  If she's scared of the spanking, then you're going a good job.  I promise you 2 year olds can certainly understand a spanking, and they can also understand when mommy and daddy are too timid to stand by their rules.  It sounds like you are letting your daughter manipulate you...at least to some degree.  



Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.



Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?




















Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
rosemagic01
by Ruby Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:32 PM

Some where with autism or sensory processing disorder.

svolkov
by Emerald Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:34 PM

 

ill take snob any day over something less desirable. such as uneducated, lazy or similar. thanks!

Quoting Anonymous:

 

God you sound like a fucking snob

Quoting svolkov:

 

so do i. actually it does in this case. if my degree was say...micro biology or law...perhaps not. but yes i know my stuff when it comes to best behavior interventions...and WHY they are so effective. as does my track record. I have never yet had a single child that hasnt improved their behavior to what we were trying to achieve while i was working with them and their parents/teachers. thats a lot more than 5 or a handful. my guess would be hundreds at this point.  give or take.

Quoting Anonymous:

Its funny how I get compliments from every parent on how well behaved their kids are thanks to me....but hey that can't be because timeouts don't work on two year olds. Holding a degree doesn't always mean you know what your talking about

Quoting svolkov:

 


thats scary. as an applied behavior analyst who happens to hold a master's degree on the subject of behavior intervention(specifically those with autism), and a mother of three very well behaved children i find this comment amusing. i must be a fool ;) as are all those other people with letters after their names


Quoting Anonymous:

Actually yes I am licensed and I aslo have raised five very well behaved children of my own. And yes timeout does work for two year olds. Any fool who believes otherwise probably has very bratty two year olds. The kids in my care are taught to follow directions, sit quietly when need be, and to not throw tantrums.


Quoting svolkov:


 



wow. and the moms of these kids are ok with this??? time out only works starting around 3. redirection and pre-emptive measures work best for a 2 yr old. i hope you arent liscensed or anything. when you do time out is should be one minute for every yr they are old.



Quoting Anonymous:

You have just answered your own question. Two year olds are very smart. I do daycare and have 5 two year olds all day long. If you don't spank that is your choice. I would personaly pick her up ver firmy say " tantrums are not acceptable" then put here in her bed and say " you may come out when you stop" if mine got up but cont. The tantrum they got a swat an put back and told again not to come out until they were done. Repeat as many times as necasary.



Quoting Anonymous:

No cuddles. Discipline is lost on her she doesn't comprehend it. Spanking doesn't work it only scares her more so we don't do that. She's only two she doesn't understand much.





Quoting Anonymous:

What di you do during and after these tantrums? Is she disciplined or coddled?


 



 


 


 

 

 

 

 


 

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