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Single ladies...All the single ladies.....HAHA! TIPS for dating and how to win over men....VERY LONG!!!!!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 8 Replies

Here it is. 

First of all, I am NOT single. i am married. Just in case it comes up. I have only been married for 2 years, but I am around single men VERY often, and I often get into discussions with them, as well as am very observant in their social behaviors. The atmosphere I am often in is single men looking for...poon...lol. I usually only have male friends so I frequently have to get over this "hump" with men before I can form a solid friendship. I am an average looking woman. I wear glasses and I am getting a little chunky after 2 years of marriage lol! Here is what I have learned after years of having to get over that "hump" with my male friends, observing and experiencing their behavior as part of their "group" and before,  and the random single men that I meet and converse with frequently.

Number two, self confidence and independence. A guy is a LOT more likely to notice you if you go out alone or with only one other person. It may take him a while to actually come talk to you, but be assured that he and many other men have noticed that you have come in by yourself and are a lot less intimidated than if they would have been if you came in with a group. Going to a bar or club alone is not that awful. There are ALWAYS people who will make you feel welcome, even if it takes a minute. Try your hand at being a social butterfly. Go in alone, and go from group to group introducing yourself and making friends. If not, just hang out alone, but in the open where people have access to you. People will gravitate towards you, naturally. 

Also, you do NOT have to dress provocative or "sexy" to get attention. JHC this drives me nuts. Take tonight for example: There were several girls there tonight who were really beautiful young ladies, but they showed a LOT. I wore jeans and a t-shirt and sparklie Toms lol. The dirty looks that ensued from them were not fun because the men were crowded around my table, putting quarters up, and paying attention to MY shooting, versus the scantily dressed beautiful women who were trying WAY too hard to get attention. Subtlety is the key. As long as you're being natural, people will seek you out. It may take you a while to find your confidence and skills, but it will eventually come and you will see the results. 

Second of all, it does NOT matter what you look like....at least not much, as long as it's obvious that you have good hygeine and take pride in your appearance. Actually, pride in your appearance doesn't mean what you might think it would. I have run an experiment of sorts, and found that I get just as much attention in my sweats and tank as I do dressed up. I have found it's all personality and how you present yourself. I was trying to ward off a guy tonight who was irritating me because he kept trying to cross my personal boundaries after I told him I was married. There was a girl who is ADORABLE...10X cuter than I am...and I pointed her out to him a little while later. I seriously talked her up, and he could clearly see that she was a VERY cute chick. He was NOT interested because of how she was acting vs. how I was acting. She was playing the "I'm a gorgeous blonde, and I'm beautiful, and I'm drinking too much, and I'm otherwise being as cliche as can be....", and I was being MYSELF. Dude scoffed at her. 

Find something you're good at. If you're not good at it, go out and practice. TRY to become good at it.  Even if you suck, but like it, it will be noticed that you are trying to become better. Ignore everyone and focus on your practice. People will naturally come challenge you or give you tips. My thing is pool. I go out to practice, only, I  end up having to beat the guys off. There are nights when I just want to practice, and I am focused. I truly love pool and it is my only hobby. I am very good, and I have big goals. The dudes get SERIOUSLY annoying when I am trying to focus on practicing something that I have recently learned or need to practice. But, I can't say that I don't seriously enjoy the ego boost it gives me to beat 6 guys in a row, either, lol!

Find the right balance between being feminine and kicking their asses at whatever, whether it be poker, pool, golf, rock climbing (guys like physical stuff a lot, for the most part) or whatever else guys like, and play that fine line between feminimity and masculinty. You CAN like and be good at "guy" stuff, and still retain the cute, soft, feminine side of you. You might actually be surprised at what you truly end up enjoying. Pull the blonde card every now and then. Ask for help on things that you really don't want to do, but know a guy would feel like the hero if they did it for you. 

Guys usually love sarcasticness and a raunchy-ish sense of humor. You ever watch a group of guys, and you see them joshing each other constantly, being crude towards one another, etc.. The trick to this is to find that right balance between TOO MUCH guy-ness, and inserting your own feminine version of their bullshittery. A quip here and there that is sarcastic and funny, a burn here and there when they are good naturedly teasing you, etc.. I truly find it annoying because I am sarcastic by nature, and tend to blow people off rudely, and it only seems to attract the men more strongly. I don't WANT men's attention. I am very happily married, and when they distract me, it throws my game off and I get pissy. Perhaps it is the aloofness that I present that turns them on. Who knows. I just know that in my case it is annoying to have to deal with them and try to focus on my game at the same time. 

Don't be "clingy". OMG, this is a huge one. The term "stage 5 clinger" is there for a reason. I never pay attention to a guy for more than a minute or two, and the only reason I would pay attention to them more than that is if they offered something of value, intellectually, that I could debate with them about or learn from. In fact, that is the only thing that can pull me away from playing pool, a good religious, political or moral debate. Believe it or not, guys like smart girls. They like girls who can hold a conversation on a wide variety of conversations, or even prove superior in some aspects. If you know what you're talking about (less hair, makeup, nails, etc.), they will be impressed. You don't have to know all about each NFL team's lineup to have a conversation. Chances are, the guy has interests outside of football.  They love to hear about your past accomplishments, even if it's from when you were a child. They love it when you admit goofy faults, too. For example, I was admitting that I SUCK at oral presentation vs writing. I was lightly making fun of myself, however it didn't come across as low self esteem because I also spoke of my team (I'm captain), which I was proud of. It's great to be good at things and acknowledge it, but it's also good to balance that out with talking about things you're not great at. That's the cool part of being a chick. You're gonna have goofy hangups. 

Be NICE. Just be NICE. Men don't like girls, usually, when they can see that the girl is snooty, stuck up or has a superiority complex, even if it's toward other women. There's a HUGE difference between being factual and being judgemental. Be friendly to everyone, even the girl who is 10X prettier than you. Stick up for others if you see or hear an injustice. Guys seriously pay attention to that sort of thing!! 

Do NOT share your whole life story with a guy that you feel that you might like. DON'T. Remain an air of mystery. If a guy asks me what brought me to Utah, I always respond, "A greyhound bus," lol! Of course, I understand what they are asking, but I choose to respond in a slightly sarcastic way that doesn't give my personal business away. It's way cool to be 'open', but don't be an open book. Give them something to ask you about on your first date if they ask you out. 

I will have more, but it's almost 3:00a.m. and I gotta go to bed. lol! I will update tomorrow. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 18, 2013 at 4:59 AM
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Replies (1-8):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 18, 2013 at 5:06 AM

There is also a difference between trying and trying too hard. When you're trying too hard, it's obvious to others. Push your limits, but stay true to yourself. 

First_One_8_18
by Gold Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 5:06 AM
Going anywhere like that alone is the worst idea you could have come up with. You don't know if that group of people you ate being a "social butterfly"with are actually a bunch of date rapists or not. Always bring at LEAST one other person with you!
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rrs256
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 5:08 AM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 18, 2013 at 5:17 AM
Some of these made me lol. I tended bar for 5 yrs, and some things use to make me shake my head.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 18, 2013 at 5:17 AM


Oh, good Lord. You don't have to go get wasted or even drink at all. How is someone going to date rape you if you don't drink? You're talking to someone who is a loner and has gone out alone for YEARS!! Even if you drink, most bartenders are more than willing to let you stick your drink behind the bar if you go smoke or have to step away to dance or something. Personally, My drink never leaves my side. If I take a shot, I put it at elbow's length away on the side of the pool table. There are ALWAYS safety measures you can take to make sure you'll be safe when you go out alone *eyeroll*

Quoting First_One_8_18:

Going anywhere like that alone is the worst idea you could have come up with. You don't know if that group of people you ate being a "social butterfly"with are actually a bunch of date rapists or not. Always bring at LEAST one other person with you!



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 18, 2013 at 5:20 AM


Haha! I bartended for 3 years, and even though I don't bartend anymore, I still LOL at what I see some chicks doing to get guys' attention. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Some of these made me lol. I tended bar for 5 yrs, and some things use to make me shake my head.



First_One_8_18
by Gold Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 5:30 AM
Yup, bc you can always prevent things like that from happening, so of it does happen, ours your own fault, right? Smh
Nope. Listen, I've sat through enough briefs to know that going out like that alone os a bad idea. i have been date raped in the last year and it was when i thought i would be fine meeting new people at a club, like i did once a month or so. I was slipped something...in my sprite. I wasn't with the girls i usually went out with that time and the new group of people, from work, didn't know what was going on. They didn't want to run into my business and when i didn't check in with them, they didn't know it was out of the ordinary for me.
So, yes, ALWAYS go out with people you know and trust. If someone is accountable for you, and a predator sees it, it's a deterrent. There is always safety in numbers, and that's more important than landing a man any day.


Quoting Anonymous:


Oh, good Lord. You don't have to go get wasted or even drink at all. How is someone going to date rape you if you don't drink? You're talking to someone who is a loner and has gone out alone for YEARS!! Even if you drink, most bartenders are more than willing to let you stick your drink behind the bar if you go smoke or have to step away to dance or something. Personally, My drink never leaves my side. If I take a shot, I put it at elbow's length away on the side of the pool table. There are ALWAYS safety measures you can take to make sure you'll be safe when you go out alone *eyeroll*


Quoting First_One_8_18:

Going anywhere like that alone is the worst idea you could have come up with. You don't know if that group of people you ate being a "social butterfly"with are actually a bunch of date rapists or not. Always bring at LEAST one other person with you!





Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:18 PM
I said OR go out with a friend. I rarely go out with anyone, and I have always been fine. You can protect yourself. Don't leave your sprite anywhere and then drink it later. Don't drink anything is another option. My drink never leaves me, and if a guy buys me a drink, it goes from the bartender's hand directly to mine. Ask a bouncer, security person or bartender to walk you to your car, or better yet, take a cab. Carry pepper spray in your purse. You can go out alone and be just fine.


Quoting First_One_8_18:

Yup, bc you can always prevent things like that from happening, so of it does happen, ours your own fault, right? Smh

Nope. Listen, I've sat through enough briefs to know that going out like that alone os a bad idea. i have been date raped in the last year and it was when i thought i would be fine meeting new people at a club, like i did once a month or so. I was slipped something...in my sprite. I wasn't with the girls i usually went out with that time and the new group of people, from work, didn't know what was going on. They didn't want to run into my business and when i didn't check in with them, they didn't know it was out of the ordinary for me.

So, yes, ALWAYS go out with people you know and trust. If someone is accountable for you, and a predator sees it, it's a deterrent. There is always safety in numbers, and that's more important than landing a man any day.




Quoting Anonymous:


Oh, good Lord. You don't have to go get wasted or even drink at all. How is someone going to date rape you if you don't drink? You're talking to someone who is a loner and has gone out alone for YEARS!! Even if you drink, most bartenders are more than willing to let you stick your drink behind the bar if you go smoke or have to step away to dance or something. Personally, My drink never leaves my side. If I take a shot, I put it at elbow's length away on the side of the pool table. There are ALWAYS safety measures you can take to make sure you'll be safe when you go out alone *eyeroll*



Quoting First_One_8_18:

Going anywhere like that alone is the worst idea you could have come up with. You don't know if that group of people you ate being a "social butterfly"with are actually a bunch of date rapists or not. Always bring at LEAST one other person with you!







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