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He is better than me because he WORKS!

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I have been dealing with this for way too long. 10 years to be exact.I have been a sahm since 2004. (my wishes as well as his)

He basically tells me that he is better than me because he works and I sit at home and play.

He goes and does whatever, whenever because its his money, that he earned. I do not need a break from the kids becausse I am home all day. What do I need a break from? The TV?

If I go anywhere, I better not spend much money, if any. And I have to take the kids.

I need a job. I have a college degree for crying out loud. Even if I do get a job, I will still have to come home and do all the things he claims he shouldnt have to do because he works!

(And when I was working oh so long ago, it didnt compare, because he worked hard. I was a daycare teacher, so I got to sit in the air conditioning and play with the kids)

I feel an inch tall today.  :(

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:41 PM
Replies (181-185):
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 10:56 AM
What's your plan?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by Anonymous 25 on Jan. 19, 2013 at 10:58 AM
He doesn't respect you. Why do you put up with it?
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 11:07 AM
get a job and only do thing for you and the kids. Dont wash his laundry or fix his plate. If possible fix the kids what they want and have a salad or something yourself.
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by Bronze Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 4:38 PM
1 mom liked this

Quoting Mbpeaceful12:

Quoting ferrellmt:

this is emotional abuse, plain and simple. he demeans you and belittles you and then wonders why you are upset. you are trapped financially and he knows it, so he continues the abuse. you allow it because it creeped up on you and then bam, it is abusive. you did not recognize it in the early stages, but now that you know what it is, you need ot put a stop to it.  

i know. i was where you are. married 26 YEARS, divorced 3. Happier. oh, and getting my masters, graduating in june and already employed post graduation. him? depressed, unemployed, 54 years old and his brother supports him every month. yeah. I am dumb and do nothing.

YES! If you would ever find the time to write an autobiography, I would love to read it. Your personal story could be an inspiration to other women who are going through a similar situation! I commend you.

Thank you. Actually, the reason I am in grad school is CM-so many women asked me if I was a therapist that I decided to become one!  My divorce group ROCKS!! they have encouraged me every step of the way!

by Anonymous 26 on Jan. 20, 2013 at 12:09 PM

He sounds like an ass.  Just my opinion, but he does.  I had a similar situation.  I also have a college degree.  We agreed that I would stay home with the kids during their formative years, before they were in school full time. (Just curious, how old is your youngest?)  I was working 2 jobs one in the morning doing day care ~ I would take my kids with me.  They were 1 and 3 and one in the evening, doing retail when he got home from work, from 6 to 11 at night. The kids would be fed and bathed before he got home, or they'd never get it done.  Plus, I did all the child care, house work, all that stuff because HE WORKED!!!  He didn't even take care of his car, getting oil changes done was my responsibility.  He still considered me a SAHM, and would tell people that I was a SAHM.  (Never did he ever mention the other things that I did).

So in his opinion, tending the house and the kids was my responsibility. 

We moved just as my oldest started K., and the economy TANKED!!! His job changed to one where he was not available every evening, so working evenings and nights was not feasible.

So, jobs were scarce and DH felt that we shouldn't pay for child care.  So, honestly what's a mom to do?  Can't lock the kid in the closet.  Daycare jobs are scarce, especially since it seems that EVERYMOM with a child wants the position to avoid fees.

And I would hear the same thing about "IT'S MY $$$", and he would be the one spending it, and I would have to show reciepts when ever I went shopping, not to mention like you, I had to take the kids whenever and where ever I went, again b/c HE was the bread winner. 

I got tired of hearing it.  So,  I stopped.  Since he said that I 'sit around all day doing nothing'.  I did just that.  I took care of the kids and myself.  I did nothing for him. 



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