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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Need advice for an emotionally neglected 9yr. old girl!! *anything u have to offer could help*

Posted by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 11:00 PM
  • 9 Replies

Short back story: Growing up my sister was EXTREMELY mentally unstable, all of my parents focus was on her, I was just expected to do and be better. From middle school on (even though I was a straight A student) I consistently beat myself up and never thought I was good enough!! By 11th grade I was taking college courses and my grades slipped slightly to a 3.86GPA..... I went off the deep end, got kicked out of the magnet school I was in, because my parents called the cops on me for smoking weed ( In the magnet schools you are not allowed any legal problems or they drop you) I lost my full ride scholarship, COMPLETELY lost my mind and the years that followed were full of alcohol, hard drugs and bad men. It wasn't until just a few years ago that I managed to straighten my life out.

The current problem: My 9 yr. old niece is displaying the exact same self loathing, self abuse symptoms that I did at that age. My 12yr. old nephew has Down syndrome so all of my sisters focus is on him, there seem to be a lot of similarities here to me. She is also a VERY bright student, but looses it completely when she can't understand something, cries, pulls out her hair ( the exact same thing I did ) She is my wonderful loving little niece, and I never want to see her go through the hell I went through..... I never knew anything different so I don't know what advice to offer = (

If any of you moms have any advice at all, please feel free to share it with me!!! I Moved to the opposite side of the US to straighten my own life out so I can't be there to help in person, My sister is desperate for some advice!!!  

by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 11:00 PM
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Replies (1-9):
beachbabies6
by Gold Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 11:05 PM

Can you arrange a mentor for her , get her involved in some sort of activity

Charliesmommy11
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 11:06 PM
Open up to her on a private personal level.
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haleymak
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 11:07 PM
Well obviously her mom needs to start having mommy daughter nights. I would say you do it but you're not close to her... She needs to get an email just to talk to you with. Talk to her and tell her what you felt like when you were her age, and tell her she can tell you anything and you'll understand. Try to reassure her that you went thru the exact same thing. Try to explain to her mother that she needs to take action now!!! I felt the same way as a kid and also smoked weed and drank at age 15. Whatever happens, it needs to start small. Start with movies only mom and daughter, for getting an A on a test, or even a B! Then take her shopping for new shoes or whatever. Then for dinner. Make it fun and something the girl is into. Just because she has a down syndrome child doesn't mean her other child should suffer from it, I know it's hard, but you have to be equal.
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mom_dl6
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 11:07 PM

I'm sorry shes going through that,Is there a Big Brothers Big Sisters group around where she lives that she could be signed up for,I think that could def. help her ! 

kanooch1011
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 11:08 PM

Maybe have her talk to the school counselor?  Just to have someone to vent at/ talk to on how to handle her family life?  A priest/pastor/ maybe an after school activity?

haleymak
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 11:11 PM
1 mom liked this
When I say "make it small" I mean tell your sister not to jump in her face and say "we are going out since you feel bad about yourself"
But to say something like "I wanna hang out with you more, can we go to the movies?" tell her not to bring up anything that her daughter wouldnt bring up on her own, she needs to get comfortable with getting positive attention and in a way gain her trust. Tell mom not to ask any questions about school, wait for daughter to bring it up, because she will, unless you force it. Don't force it.
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tiffanydearing
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 11:19 PM

She has a Big Sister in that program that takes her out usually once a week, she is just so neglected at home that the weekdays must be hell for her = ( Like I said my sister was extremely emotionally unstable and unfortunately that has never changed.


Quoting mom_dl6:

I'm sorry shes going through that,Is there a Big Brothers Big Sisters group around where she lives that she could be signed up for,I think that could def. help her ! 



tiffanydearing
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 11:40 PM

Thank~you, this sounds like great advice I will pass on what she will listen to...... I will do everything on my end I can, maybe just start small with encouraging her to send me pics of herself or her drawings she likes to my e-mail.


Quoting haleymak:

Well obviously her mom needs to start having mommy daughter nights. I would say you do it but you're not close to her... She needs to get an email just to talk to you with. Talk to her and tell her what you felt like when you were her age, and tell her she can tell you anything and you'll understand. Try to reassure her that you went thru the exact same thing. Try to explain to her mother that she needs to take action now!!! I felt the same way as a kid and also smoked weed and drank at age 15. Whatever happens, it needs to start small. Start with movies only mom and daughter, for getting an A on a test, or even a B! Then take her shopping for new shoes or whatever. Then for dinner. Make it fun and something the girl is into. Just because she has a down syndrome child doesn't mean her other child should suffer from it, I know it's hard, but you have to be equal.



haleymak
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 11:50 PM
Yes definitely the most you personally can do is the email thing, I think that alone would help a lot. Tell her how proud you are and she could never do anything wrong in your eyes and you'll always be there for her, you know.


Quoting tiffanydearing:

Thank~you, this sounds like great advice I will pass on what she will listen to...... I will do everything on my end I can, maybe just start small with encouraging her to send me pics of herself or her drawings she likes to my e-mail.



Quoting haleymak:

Well obviously her mom needs to start having mommy daughter nights. I would say you do it but you're not close to her... She needs to get an email just to talk to you with. Talk to her and tell her what you felt like when you were her age, and tell her she can tell you anything and you'll understand. Try to reassure her that you went thru the exact same thing. Try to explain to her mother that she needs to take action now!!! I felt the same way as a kid and also smoked weed and drank at age 15. Whatever happens, it needs to start small. Start with movies only mom and daughter, for getting an A on a test, or even a B! Then take her shopping for new shoes or whatever. Then for dinner. Make it fun and something the girl is into. Just because she has a down syndrome child doesn't mean her other child should suffer from it, I know it's hard, but you have to be equal.





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