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Probably going to get bashed....but I don't agree with spousal support in most situations

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I am all for child support because I feel a man has equal responsibility in raising a kid.  But I think spousal support is stupid in most situations.  I think there should be very few exceptions where someone gets it.


1. Disabled spouse with no way of working

2. SAHM. For a few months until she gets a job..  If she doesn't get a job within the allotted time....oh well. 

I don't think a woman with no kids should get it unless like I said she is disabled .....or her husband was the main bread winner and she kept house.  And again. 90 days to get a job. 

I think if a woman is living with someone then she shouldn't get it.  I have a neighbor who has lived with the same man for 10 years and won't marry him because her spousal support or Alimoney would stop.  Ridiculous. She had no kids with her ex but has two with the new guy,  


there may be other instances where it would be okay. But not many. 

Also...no my DH doesn't pay support to anyone. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:02 AM
Replies (341-350):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:09 AM

 I agree.  That is unfair.  Hopefully, it's not the norm. 

Quoting Anonymous:

 

I am now a second wife, but for many years I was a first wife. I married my husband while I was in college, a man i worked with. So I got through college, got an advanced degree, got a great job an  worked my way up the ladder. He worked at a few different jobs  but always low paying, non skilled jobs. We had a child and for a time he was a "sahd" - I use this loosely because although this was something we had discussed, mainly because it was  cheaper than daycare, all he really ever did was watch tv and sit on the couch. I took care of the house, I made the money to pay all of the bills  and I took ds to every appointment, every activity, etc. I eventually put ds in daycare, and dh still "stayed home". When he finally got a job, I asked him for a divorce. My lawyer told me that if he asked for it, he would probably get some alimony and half my 401k. So I supported a person with no ambition who happily lived off of the life I busted my butt to provide and now I am trying to get away from that person and I have to pay again. Luckily for me he did not request that, I made sure to give him pleny of money to get his new place set up and he had no debt and half the money in our account. But most men in this situation will have to pay, and I just think it' s completely unfair. 

Quoting Anonymous:

 I have a feeling most women who don't agree with spousal support are:

1. Second wives, 2. not sahm's but want to be or 3. jealous

 

 

 

SweetPea2004
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:42 AM


Lets agree to disagree. 

I don't believe  in most of the divorce allowances/laws they are archaic taking something someone earned shoud be a choice for the earning person to give out. I will not get married to take something from someone it is to spend my life with them and help them when they need it. 

I firmly think a woman is ignorant if she doesn't have a plan b and I don't mean getting spousal support. I was in those shoes once and I will never be that stupid again.

Quoting bellawomen:

Depending on your state, its automatically given after so many years of marriage. So SAHMs shouldn't have access to their husband's Social Security if something were to happen to him? Marriage isn't his and hers its THEIRS. Otherwise why marry?

Quoting SweetPea2004:

I disagree she went to work for 25 years he did not work he stayed home. That is her money, retirement should only be for the person who worked and if they so chose share with their spouse. A good person would never take their spouses retirement. He tried to take inherited property so that was the only way to satisfy him. My s/o and I will have a prenup and he agrees he will never take my retirement if we divorced.




Quoting bellawomen:

Retirement is way different that spousal support. Spousal support is money made after the relationship is over, retirement is not. Retirement is created from money earned while everything was community property. She has rights to his retirement to, so its s a two way street. She had the option of buying him out or letting her retirement pay him, obviously she chose retirement. It wasn't just HER money. That was THEIR future no matter who wanted the divorce.





Quoting SweetPea2004:


My s/o mom has to pay over $1800 out of her retirement for her exdh who is perfectly capable of working it burns me up.




Quoting Anonymous:






Quoting SweetPea2004:

I do not agree with spousal support period, that coming from someone who was a SAHM for a few years.





I don't really either,,,I can just see it in some circumstances. 









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SweetPea2004
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:46 AM


I am strongly against it and I've been a first wife, about to be again and haven't worked in 5 1/2 years. I am in college to better myself and be able to support myself and my daughter. I am not jealous of women who "steal" their ex's hard earned money because they do not want to support themselves.

Quoting Anonymous:

 I have a feeling most women who don't agree with spousal support are:

1. Second wives, 2. not sahm's but want to be or 3. jealous



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tdoubleday04
by Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:48 AM

 I don't agree with you.  If my married and life is ended because my husband did something horrible and unforgiveable you better believe I should get sposal support, i have been a stay at home mom for 4 years now.. Because of not being able to get adaquate care for my sn daughter..so 6 years from now when he does something hella stupid and we have to divorce (I doubt it but throwing it out there) I should only get support for 90 days?  I wouldn't even be over my life being over in 90 days!!  People hate hiring people with a huge gap in employment.  plus still no child care I'm sure...

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 20, 2013 at 9:02 AM

Okay your neighbor is a bitch and that's ridiculous what she's doing to her ex. That being said other women shouldn't have to suffer because of one, not all women that receive Alimoney are this way. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 20, 2013 at 10:09 AM
1 mom liked this
Why so? If you are living with and have children with another man and you're refusing to marry or get a job just so you can keep living off the money of your ex, you have problems.


Quoting Anonymous:

 


If I respond to this I will get reported.. Moving on...


Quoting TheQueenOfChaos:

I agree with you. I think people who cling to spousal support for years like that rather than attempting to move on with their life are secretly clinging to a hope that their ex will come back to them.

There comes a time when its just time to move on.

I also think women or men who cling to spousal support have no self respect. I can understand having it for a few months or even 2-4 years to obtain schooling and have a good job to support your family, but to not get married again or get a job so the spousal support doesn't stop shows some serious codependency issues. At that point the ex providing the support should petition the courts for psychological intervention.



 


TheQueenOfChaos
by Gold Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 10:17 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm a first wife, a SAHM for 2 years now, and definitely not jealous.

I just care about myself and my pride. Demanding spousal support for years, in my opinion, screams that you have 0 pride in yourself, 0 belief that you can survive without a man, and 0 will to live without him.

If your spouse died, would you be demanding spousal support from the government? Life insurance doesn't last forever. You'll have to get a job sometime.

So why is it, if your spouse is living and becomes an ex you would rather live off of him than off of yourself. Just because employers don't like to hire with large employment gaps, doesn't mean they won't. And it doesn't mean you can't try to find a job.

I stand by what I said before, absolute refusal to get on your feet and support yourself for years if you're physically capable of doing so is nothing more than a codependency issue. You have no pride in yourself and you must depend on the man to make the life for you.


Quoting Anonymous:

 I have a feeling most women who don't agree with spousal support are:


1. Second wives, 2. not sahm's but want to be or 3. jealous


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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 20, 2013 at 10:22 AM

 Most settlements do not allow spousal support or alimony to go on for an indefinate amount of time.

Quoting TheQueenOfChaos:

I'm a first wife, a SAHM for 2 years now, and definitely not jealous.

I just care about myself and my pride. Demanding spousal support for years, in my opinion, screams that you have 0 pride in yourself, 0 belief that you can survive without a man, and 0 will to live without him.

If your spouse died, would you be demanding spousal support from the government? Life insurance doesn't last forever. You'll have to get a job sometime.

So why is it, if your spouse is living and becomes an ex you would rather live off of him than off of yourself. Just because employers don't like to hire with large employment gaps, doesn't mean they won't. And it doesn't mean you can't try to find a job.

I stand by what I said before, absolute refusal to get on your feet and support yourself for years if you're physically capable of doing so is nothing more than a codependency issue. You have no pride in yourself and you must depend on the man to make the life for you.


Quoting Anonymous:

 I have a feeling most women who don't agree with spousal support are:


1. Second wives, 2. not sahm's but want to be or 3. jealous


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 20, 2013 at 10:28 AM
I agree. But every situation is different. I had a friend whose husband was in the army. She was a sahm for like 7 years having his kids and following him all over the world. Turns out he was molesting her daughter from a previous relationship and was doing it for like three years before anyone knew.
He's in prision, she got all his money, his paychecks from the military for a certian amount of time, he had hidden bank accts and she got all of those.
So he is going to come out of prision without a time. And he deserves it. I'm glad she got all his money :).
SweetPea2004
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 10:31 AM


My s/o mom pays x amount for five years then it lowers and she will pay it till one of them dies or he remarries.

Quoting Anonymous:

 Most settlements do not allow spousal support or alimony to go on for an indefinate amount of time.

Quoting TheQueenOfChaos:

I'm a first wife, a SAHM for 2 years now, and definitely not jealous.

I just care about myself and my pride. Demanding spousal support for years, in my opinion, screams that you have 0 pride in yourself, 0 belief that you can survive without a man, and 0 will to live without him.

If your spouse died, would you be demanding spousal support from the government? Life insurance doesn't last forever. You'll have to get a job sometime.

So why is it, if your spouse is living and becomes an ex you would rather live off of him than off of yourself. Just because employers don't like to hire with large employment gaps, doesn't mean they won't. And it doesn't mean you can't try to find a job.

I stand by what I said before, absolute refusal to get on your feet and support yourself for years if you're physically capable of doing so is nothing more than a codependency issue. You have no pride in yourself and you must depend on the man to make the life for you.


Quoting Anonymous:

 I have a feeling most women who don't agree with spousal support are:


1. Second wives, 2. not sahm's but want to be or 3. jealous


 



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