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Probably going to get bashed....but I don't agree with spousal support in most situations

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I am all for child support because I feel a man has equal responsibility in raising a kid.  But I think spousal support is stupid in most situations.  I think there should be very few exceptions where someone gets it.


1. Disabled spouse with no way of working

2. SAHM. For a few months until she gets a job..  If she doesn't get a job within the allotted time....oh well. 

I don't think a woman with no kids should get it unless like I said she is disabled .....or her husband was the main bread winner and she kept house.  And again. 90 days to get a job. 

I think if a woman is living with someone then she shouldn't get it.  I have a neighbor who has lived with the same man for 10 years and won't marry him because her spousal support or Alimoney would stop.  Ridiculous. She had no kids with her ex but has two with the new guy,  


there may be other instances where it would be okay. But not many. 

Also...no my DH doesn't pay support to anyone. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:02 AM
Replies (351-360):
Olivia11812
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 10:31 AM
I agree with you on all parts of your opinion


Quoting Anonymous:

I am all for child support because I feel a man has equal responsibility in raising a kid.  But I think spousal support is stupid in most situations.  I think there should be very few exceptions where someone gets it.


1. Disabled spouse with no way of working

2. SAHM. For a few months until she gets a job..  If she doesn't get a job within the allotted time....oh well. 

I don't think a woman with no kids should get it unless like I said she is disabled .....or her husband was the main bread winner and she kept house.  And again. 90 days to get a job. 

I think if a woman is living with someone then she shouldn't get it.  I have a neighbor who has lived with the same man for 10 years and won't marry him because her spousal support or Alimoney would stop.  Ridiculous. She had no kids with her ex but has two with the new guy,  


there may be other instances where it would be okay. But not many. 

Also...no my DH doesn't pay support to anyone. 


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
TheQueenOfChaos
by Gold Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 10:55 AM

Well in the OPs neighbors case it seems too and that is what I'm basing it off of.

I have no issue with someone receiving spousal support for a short time. I have no issue with someone receiving spousal support while he/she goes to school to obtain a degree. I understand that finding a job is hard. But I've seen so many comments of people saying "well I've been a SAHM for (so many years) and I don't plan on going back to work until (whenever time) so he will be paying spousal support until then".

And it makes me wonder what these people would do if their spouse died? Would they let the money run out and move into a homeless shelter? It seems they are so dead set against working because they enjoy being a SAHM or they won't trust their child with anyone else that they have no sense of self preservation.

People need to show some damn pride in themselves. My husband and I are equal partners, he is not the man of the house, he does not have say over my life, and I am not codependent of him. If I want a job, I go get a job. If I want to stay home I do. If he ever did something stupid and left, I wouldn't spend years sitting there mourning my loss. I would be out there doing better and finding better for my children and myself. If he was that much of an asshole, he doesn't deserve us anyway, and he certainly doesn't deserve me being dependant on his money while he's off gallivanting wherever with someone else.

I've been on all sides of the spectrum. I've been the working mom. I've been the stay at home mom. I'm not the stay at home mom of a child with issues. And I've been the single mom doing it on her own.

Maybe it's because I've been there that I feel this way. But I have the confidence and the pride in myself that I can do it without him if it came down to it. I wouldn't want to be under the hold of an ex spouse any longer than necessary.


Quoting Anonymous:

 Most settlements do not allow spousal support or alimony to go on for an indefinate amount of time.

Quoting TheQueenOfChaos:

I'm a first wife, a SAHM for 2 years now, and definitely not jealous.

I just care about myself and my pride. Demanding spousal support for years, in my opinion, screams that you have 0 pride in yourself, 0 belief that you can survive without a man, and 0 will to live without him.

If your spouse died, would you be demanding spousal support from the government? Life insurance doesn't last forever. You'll have to get a job sometime.

So why is it, if your spouse is living and becomes an ex you would rather live off of him than off of yourself. Just because employers don't like to hire with large employment gaps, doesn't mean they won't. And it doesn't mean you can't try to find a job.

I stand by what I said before, absolute refusal to get on your feet and support yourself for years if you're physically capable of doing so is nothing more than a codependency issue. You have no pride in yourself and you must depend on the man to make the life for you.


Quoting Anonymous:

 I have a feeling most women who don't agree with spousal support are:


1. Second wives, 2. not sahm's but want to be or 3. jealous


 



Anonymous
by Anonymous 69 on Jan. 20, 2013 at 11:02 AM

No argument here.  I agree.

Was just saying that in most case spousal support when awarded is temporary and also necessary.   I would guess that if someone is awarded indefinate alimony there is a lot of money involved.   

Quoting TheQueenOfChaos:

Well in the OPs neighbors case it seems too and that is what I'm basing it off of.

I have no issue with someone receiving spousal support for a short time. I have no issue with someone receiving spousal support while he/she goes to school to obtain a degree. I understand that finding a job is hard. But I've seen so many comments of people saying "well I've been a SAHM for (so many years) and I don't plan on going back to work until (whenever time) so he will be paying spousal support until then".

And it makes me wonder what these people would do if their spouse died? Would they let the money run out and move into a homeless shelter? It seems they are so dead set against working because they enjoy being a SAHM or they won't trust their child with anyone else that they have no sense of self preservation.

People need to show some damn pride in themselves. My husband and I are equal partners, he is not the man of the house, he does not have say over my life, and I am not codependent of him. If I want a job, I go get a job. If I want to stay home I do. If he ever did something stupid and left, I wouldn't spend years sitting there mourning my loss. I would be out there doing better and finding better for my children and myself. If he was that much of an asshole, he doesn't deserve us anyway, and he certainly doesn't deserve me being dependant on his money while he's off gallivanting wherever with someone else.

I've been on all sides of the spectrum. I've been the working mom. I've been the stay at home mom. I'm not the stay at home mom of a child with issues. And I've been the single mom doing it on her own.

Maybe it's because I've been there that I feel this way. But I have the confidence and the pride in myself that I can do it without him if it came down to it. I wouldn't want to be under the hold of an ex spouse any longer than necessary.

 

Quoting Anonymous:

 Most settlements do not allow spousal support or alimony to go on for an indefinate amount of time.

Quoting TheQueenOfChaos:

I'm a first wife, a SAHM for 2 years now, and definitely not jealous.

I just care about myself and my pride. Demanding spousal support for years, in my opinion, screams that you have 0 pride in yourself, 0 belief that you can survive without a man, and 0 will to live without him.

If your spouse died, would you be demanding spousal support from the government? Life insurance doesn't last forever. You'll have to get a job sometime.

So why is it, if your spouse is living and becomes an ex you would rather live off of him than off of yourself. Just because employers don't like to hire with large employment gaps, doesn't mean they won't. And it doesn't mean you can't try to find a job.

I stand by what I said before, absolute refusal to get on your feet and support yourself for years if you're physically capable of doing so is nothing more than a codependency issue. You have no pride in yourself and you must depend on the man to make the life for you.


Quoting Anonymous:

 I have a feeling most women who don't agree with spousal support are:


1. Second wives, 2. not sahm's but want to be or 3. jealous


 

 

 

 

vixen42
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 11:57 AM

well thats your opinion

bellawomen
by Summer on Jan. 20, 2013 at 12:23 PM
Oh trust me I agree too. I am glad I did too. I was a SAHM for 6 years until my son was in school full time, but I still earned 2 bachelor degrees during that time taking night classes. SO glad I did, because now I am going through divorce because my husband turned out to be a fake and cheated on me more times than I will probably ever know and he could ever count. I used my time as a SAHM wisely, it wasn't meant to be my plan B more of a planning for our future. It just turned out that it has also been both.



But according to you, if there is one earner and one SAH parent (dad or mom) everything should go to the earner in a divorce...houses, cars, dishes, everything because they were the only one monetarily contributing to the household?

In full disclosure, I have asked for nothing in my divorce not a thing but pictures, my personal belongings, and my family items from my great-grandparents. He can keep his money, the furniture, everything. He doesn't have access to a townhouse and a house I own because I bought the townhouse before marriage and he has never lived in it and the house I inherited both are in another state. If he fought for them I would give him the townhouse though, but he has no legal rights to them.


Quoting SweetPea2004:


Lets agree to disagree. 

I don't believe  in most of the divorce allowances/laws they are archaic taking something someone earned shoud be a choice for the earning person to give out. I will not get married to take something from someone it is to spend my life with them and help them when they need it. 

I firmly think a woman is ignorant if she doesn't have a plan b and I don't mean getting spousal support. I was in those shoes once and I will never be that stupid again.



Quoting bellawomen:

Depending on your state, its automatically given after so many years of marriage. So SAHMs shouldn't have access to their husband's Social Security if something were to happen to him? Marriage isn't his and hers its THEIRS. Otherwise why marry?





Quoting SweetPea2004:

I disagree she went to work for 25 years he did not work he stayed home. That is her money, retirement should only be for the person who worked and if they so chose share with their spouse. A good person would never take their spouses retirement. He tried to take inherited property so that was the only way to satisfy him. My s/o and I will have a prenup and he agrees he will never take my retirement if we divorced.










Quoting bellawomen:

Retirement is way different that spousal support. Spousal support is money made after the relationship is over, retirement is not. Retirement is created from money earned while everything was community property. She has rights to his retirement to, so its s a two way street. She had the option of buying him out or letting her retirement pay him, obviously she chose retirement. It wasn't just HER money. That was THEIR future no matter who wanted the divorce.









Quoting SweetPea2004:


My s/o mom has to pay over $1800 out of her retirement for her exdh who is perfectly capable of working it burns me up.






Quoting Anonymous:








Quoting SweetPea2004:

I do not agree with spousal support period, that coming from someone who was a SAHM for a few years.







I don't really either,,,I can just see it in some circumstances. 















Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
SweetPea2004
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 12:47 PM
I believe you come into a relationship with what you have and leave with what you both agree on. I took almost everything but the furniture in my divorce because dd was going with me. Taking more then agreed on just seems so wrong.


Quoting bellawomen:

Oh trust me I agree too. I am glad I did too. I was a SAHM for 6 years until my son was in school full time, but I still earned 2 bachelor degrees during that time taking night classes. SO glad I did, because now I am going through divorce because my husband turned out to be a fake and cheated on me more times than I will probably ever know and he could ever count. I used my time as a SAHM wisely, it wasn't meant to be my plan B more of a planning for our future. It just turned out that it has also been both.





But according to you, if there is one earner and one SAH parent (dad or mom) everything should go to the earner in a divorce...houses, cars, dishes, everything because they were the only one monetarily contributing to the household?



In full disclosure, I have asked for nothing in my divorce not a thing but pictures, my personal belongings, and my family items from my great-grandparents. He can keep his money, the furniture, everything. He doesn't have access to a townhouse and a house I own because I bought the townhouse before marriage and he has never lived in it and the house I inherited both are in another state. If he fought for them I would give him the townhouse though, but he has no legal rights to them.




Quoting SweetPea2004:


Lets agree to disagree. 

I don't believe  in most of the divorce allowances/laws they are archaic taking something someone earned shoud be a choice for the earning person to give out. I will not get married to take something from someone it is to spend my life with them and help them when they need it. 

I firmly think a woman is ignorant if she doesn't have a plan b and I don't mean getting spousal support. I was in those shoes once and I will never be that stupid again.




Quoting bellawomen:

Depending on your state, its automatically given after so many years of marriage. So SAHMs shouldn't have access to their husband's Social Security if something were to happen to him? Marriage isn't his and hers its THEIRS. Otherwise why marry?







Quoting SweetPea2004:

I disagree she went to work for 25 years he did not work he stayed home. That is her money, retirement should only be for the person who worked and if they so chose share with their spouse. A good person would never take their spouses retirement. He tried to take inherited property so that was the only way to satisfy him. My s/o and I will have a prenup and he agrees he will never take my retirement if we divorced.













Quoting bellawomen:

Retirement is way different that spousal support. Spousal support is money made after the relationship is over, retirement is not. Retirement is created from money earned while everything was community property. She has rights to his retirement to, so its s a two way street. She had the option of buying him out or letting her retirement pay him, obviously she chose retirement. It wasn't just HER money. That was THEIR future no matter who wanted the divorce.











Quoting SweetPea2004:


My s/o mom has to pay over $1800 out of her retirement for her exdh who is perfectly capable of working it burns me up.







Quoting Anonymous:









Quoting SweetPea2004:

I do not agree with spousal support period, that coming from someone who was a SAHM for a few years.








I don't really either,,,I can just see it in some circumstances. 



















Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
bellawomen
by Summer on Jan. 20, 2013 at 12:58 PM
But not every couple can come to agreements. I have a friend who is going on her 4th year of a divorce because of it. Her ex hates her because she left him after he hit her when she confronted him about hiding money in bank accounts and stealing. They owned a business together and he has since dragged it to the ground. She filed for I think legal separation or something and restarted the same business but everything in her name and control so he couldn't touch it. He is mad and is making her divorce hell. She offered to give him everything, literally everything but the kids so he fought over the kids. He made business deals without her knowledge that failed and he wanted her to pay for it (talking over 300k), she refused for 2 years. Finally agreed hoping to end the divorce, now he he started a fight over something else. I feel bad for her, but she is doing great without him. She wants it over, but he wants to make her miserable.

Quoting SweetPea2004:

I believe you come into a relationship with what you have and leave with what you both agree on. I took almost everything but the furniture in my divorce because dd was going with me. Taking more then agreed on just seems so wrong.




Quoting bellawomen:

Oh trust me I agree too. I am glad I did too. I was a SAHM for 6 years until my son was in school full time, but I still earned 2 bachelor degrees during that time taking night classes. SO glad I did, because now I am going through divorce because my husband turned out to be a fake and cheated on me more times than I will probably ever know and he could ever count. I used my time as a SAHM wisely, it wasn't meant to be my plan B more of a planning for our future. It just turned out that it has also been both.







But according to you, if there is one earner and one SAH parent (dad or mom) everything should go to the earner in a divorce...houses, cars, dishes, everything because they were the only one monetarily contributing to the household?





In full disclosure, I have asked for nothing in my divorce not a thing but pictures, my personal belongings, and my family items from my great-grandparents. He can keep his money, the furniture, everything. He doesn't have access to a townhouse and a house I own because I bought the townhouse before marriage and he has never lived in it and the house I inherited both are in another state. If he fought for them I would give him the townhouse though, but he has no legal rights to them.






Quoting SweetPea2004:


Lets agree to disagree. 

I don't believe  in most of the divorce allowances/laws they are archaic taking something someone earned shoud be a choice for the earning person to give out. I will not get married to take something from someone it is to spend my life with them and help them when they need it. 

I firmly think a woman is ignorant if she doesn't have a plan b and I don't mean getting spousal support. I was in those shoes once and I will never be that stupid again.





Quoting bellawomen:

Depending on your state, its automatically given after so many years of marriage. So SAHMs shouldn't have access to their husband's Social Security if something were to happen to him? Marriage isn't his and hers its THEIRS. Otherwise why marry?









Quoting SweetPea2004:

I disagree she went to work for 25 years he did not work he stayed home. That is her money, retirement should only be for the person who worked and if they so chose share with their spouse. A good person would never take their spouses retirement. He tried to take inherited property so that was the only way to satisfy him. My s/o and I will have a prenup and he agrees he will never take my retirement if we divorced.
















Quoting bellawomen:

Retirement is way different that spousal support. Spousal support is money made after the relationship is over, retirement is not. Retirement is created from money earned while everything was community property. She has rights to his retirement to, so its s a two way street. She had the option of buying him out or letting her retirement pay him, obviously she chose retirement. It wasn't just HER money. That was THEIR future no matter who wanted the divorce.













Quoting SweetPea2004:


My s/o mom has to pay over $1800 out of her retirement for her exdh who is perfectly capable of working it burns me up.








Quoting Anonymous:










Quoting SweetPea2004:

I do not agree with spousal support period, that coming from someone who was a SAHM for a few years.









I don't really either,,,I can just see it in some circumstances. 






















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manda_rylee
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 6:45 PM
My GD girlfriend won't marry him because her support would get cut off I find it rediculous as well!
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mcsmom1
by Bronze Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 6:47 PM

Meh. Everyone is entitled to their opinion.

I receive $2500 a month in spousal support. My exDH and I agreed that it was a fair amount.

melissam21
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 6:49 PM
I agree with you.
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