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She cries over EVERYTHING!!!

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Dd is driving me nuts.  She'll be 5 in two weeks.  Somewhere along the way, we raised a difficult child.


She doesn't demand toys at the store, and she's great about sharing and taking turns, but she does demand things be done *her* way.  I don't understand the sense of entitlement though, because unless it's made clear from the get-go that her choices mean a damn, she never gets a say!  This child does not pick where we go, what we eat, etc, so it's not like we've given her the idea that she gets to make any real decisions about our household.  Not to say she never gets to decide anything, but it's more like, if we're going to watch a movie, she gets to pick which one (and usually out of a selection).  


If we tell her to hurry up because she's late for school or dance class, she yells back to "stop talking to her" and then starts wailing.  Loud, siren-like wails.  Same thing if we tell her to try to go potty.  Or to do anything.  It takes everything to stop myself from "giving her a reason to cry."


What do I do?  Ignoring it only turns the sirens into blood-curdling screams.  Spanking turns the sirens into screams.  I lose the yelling matches (she's louder than me). Tossing her out the window would probably alert the neighbors.  


We try reasoning with her after she's calmed down and explaining that while she can cry all she pleases, she may not do so at such a high volume.  She agrees, but then it happens again.


Punishing her by taking toys away doesn't impact her.  At that split second, she's really pissed off, but 5 seconds later, the toy doesn't matter.  Toss it, for all she cares....she's got an imagination to entertain herself with.


I am pregnant and very worried about this continuing after baby arrives.  And as much as I'd like to blame the realization that there's an impending sibling on this behavior, it's been going on long before the newest bun hopped in the oven.  Wits end here.  Please help.

by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:23 AM
Replies (11-20):
Sagely
by Silver Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:37 AM

I have to do this for a whole 'nother year?!


Let me start praying now...

Quoting angevil53:

It's normal at that age. My son was the same way. He's getting much better though. He's now 6yo.


momof2grls629
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:38 AM
I want to add also that kids randomly test their limits and you just have to stick to your guns and she will catch on eventually.
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Lauriemom
by Platinum Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:40 AM

Don't blame yourself. I don't think you've RAISED a difficult child, I think your child has a challenging personality.  The only suggestion I have is like the PP said, have her scream and cry in another room. Tell her she can come out of her room when she's "feeling better" but the noise is disruptive to the rest of the house.  GL

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:42 AM

Easy solution. One that you will probably object to though. Good luck

angevil53
by Platinum Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:44 AM
Yeah sorry. Girls tend to be more difficult than boys too. I don't give in to tantrums never have. I direct him to his room until he's done. If we're leaving or something my mom voice pretty much gets what i want.


Quoting Sagely:

I have to do this for a whole 'nother year?!


Let me start praying now...

Quoting angevil53:

It's normal at that age. My son was the same way. He's getting much better though. He's now 6yo.



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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:45 AM
1 mom liked this

Can't imagine where she got that from

MunchiesMom324
by Gold Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:45 AM

I was reading this, wondering if you were decribing my son.  He's brilliant, ahead of his class, very independent and has more imagination than any of his siblings... but he likes to be in FULL control.  If he's playing with his brother and his brother makes the car go left instead of straight, DS2 FLIPS HIS SHIT.  And it's the LOUDEST wailing....

I'm hoping it's just a phase, because DS2 is the same age as your DD - he'll be 5 on 2/9

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:48 AM
1 mom liked this
You come across as a bit of a bitch. Maybe she's acting like she sees.
Sagely
by Silver Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:48 AM

This seems very logical, but we just don't fit in that pretty little box.  If we did, this could all be alleviated with a little extra patience and kindness.  Truthfully, my kid's just stubborn as hell.


She does get choices every day.  Shall we call them "controlled choices?"  She picks out her bedtime stories, her pajamas, what color to wear to school tomorrow, stuff like that.  We may even ask her "what do YOU want to do today?" and try to accomodate if the request isn't ridiculous.


But if I'm making dinner and she says she "doesn't like it," too damn bad, kid.  She doesn't get to pick bed time.  In general, routines have been established, and they don't change unless there's something crazy going on like a holiday or special event that just throws everything off.


If I ask her to explain anything, she shuts down.  I cannot get an explanation out of that child whether I ask "why did you pee on the floor instead of the potty" or "why is purple your favorite color."  She refuses explanations (but does understand that "why" should be answered with "because").  Her favorite phrase is "I don't know!!"  


I have tried everything I could possibly think of to get an explanation out of that child.  Having her tell stories, use her stuffed animals in a similar scenario and ask why the stuffed animals did what they did, draw a picture of her thoughts, etc.  Nothin.


But you'd better not deny her an explanation when she asks why!

Quoting PinkParadox:

She's developing her own personality, and wants to feel some control over herself. Find ways to give her more choices. Even if it's between two or three things. Sit and let her help develop her own morning routine. She cries because she feels frustrated, but can't quite explain why. Then you feel frustrated and it just escalates. Also, when she explains, try to let her know you're listening, and repeat it back to her in your explanation...so she knows she's being heard.


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:51 AM
wow, guess my liikids just no there's no tolerance for it. I hear parents say things like this all the time, sorry I have no advice
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