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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

She cries over EVERYTHING!!!

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Dd is driving me nuts.  She'll be 5 in two weeks.  Somewhere along the way, we raised a difficult child.


She doesn't demand toys at the store, and she's great about sharing and taking turns, but she does demand things be done *her* way.  I don't understand the sense of entitlement though, because unless it's made clear from the get-go that her choices mean a damn, she never gets a say!  This child does not pick where we go, what we eat, etc, so it's not like we've given her the idea that she gets to make any real decisions about our household.  Not to say she never gets to decide anything, but it's more like, if we're going to watch a movie, she gets to pick which one (and usually out of a selection).  


If we tell her to hurry up because she's late for school or dance class, she yells back to "stop talking to her" and then starts wailing.  Loud, siren-like wails.  Same thing if we tell her to try to go potty.  Or to do anything.  It takes everything to stop myself from "giving her a reason to cry."


What do I do?  Ignoring it only turns the sirens into blood-curdling screams.  Spanking turns the sirens into screams.  I lose the yelling matches (she's louder than me). Tossing her out the window would probably alert the neighbors.  


We try reasoning with her after she's calmed down and explaining that while she can cry all she pleases, she may not do so at such a high volume.  She agrees, but then it happens again.


Punishing her by taking toys away doesn't impact her.  At that split second, she's really pissed off, but 5 seconds later, the toy doesn't matter.  Toss it, for all she cares....she's got an imagination to entertain herself with.


I am pregnant and very worried about this continuing after baby arrives.  And as much as I'd like to blame the realization that there's an impending sibling on this behavior, it's been going on long before the newest bun hopped in the oven.  Wits end here.  Please help.

by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:23 AM
Replies (21-30):
Sagely
by Silver Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:54 AM

Tried that.  Our house must not be big enough.  Or I need to invest in a sound proof room.


It's like closing a screen door behind a screeching smoke detector.  It muffles nothing.


We even tried moving her to the basement (it's not damp or scary down there, she has a playroom and the basement itself is fully finished...kinda like another level to the house) just to try to establish some distance for the sound to travel.  


When weather was nicer, we used to put her on the front porch (we have a very long driveway...no worries about someone snatching her).


But that's what our approach has been for almost the past year (this started roughly last March).  It has not made any impact whatsoever.  We need a new approach.

Quoting Anonymous:

Make her stay in her room until she calls herself down. Close the door and ignore it. She will soon get that you won't let her do that.


Sagely
by Silver Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:56 AM

That's what our approach has been for almost the past year (this started roughly last March).  It has not made any impact whatsoever.  We need a new approach.


Quoting momof2grls629:

When she is screaming and throwing a fit put her in her room and shut the door and tell her she has to stay there until she stops. I have a 9 and 6 yr old and threatening to spank them worked when they were younger but now all I have to say is if you don't quit your grounded and they shape up pretty quick. Good luck.


Sagely
by Silver Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:56 AM

LoL


Sounds like you get it even without reading the whole thing.

Quoting StrawberryCool:

Oh I didnt read all of it.

But I think its the age.

Addison will be five Feb 12 and im at my wits end where I cant stand to be around her anymore because all she does is cry whine or become highly annoying


ErikaRobin
by Platinum Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:57 AM

IGNORE IT.

Yes, she'll get louder when you first start to do this, but eventually she will learn that no matter how loudly she protests, you will not give in to her tantrums.

Patience will help you here.

Sagely
by Silver Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:59 AM

I just don't think she responds well enough to spankings.  I mean, we really try to reserve the spankings for severe issues that need *immediate* correction.  Like if she goes against direction and puts herself in danger sorta thing.  Jerking her hand away and running out in the parking lot, for example.


I dunno, I may feel differently when baby comes and she interrupts sleepy time.

Quoting dudestfd:

Give her the reason to cry and tell her to be quite, my 21 month old is the same way. I tell her to be quiet and if she doesn't I pop her, give her 10 seconds of crying for a reason, and then tell her to dry it up. The last thing you need is for her to freak out the baby with the unnecessary screams and squeals when it gets there. It will always be in edge and everyone knows how well babies sleep with something screaming or freaking out around it. 


Sagely
by Silver Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 10:01 AM

She's been like this for almost a year, and we've never caved.  Or at least, I've never caved.  I'm not around 24/7, but I don't think dh has caved.


How long is eventually?

Quoting momof2grls629:

I want to add also that kids randomly test their limits and you just have to stick to your guns and she will catch on eventually.


Sagely
by Silver Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 10:03 AM

She's disruptive to the house when she screams alone in her room, too.  And she can still be heard when she's put in the basement and outside.


She's head-strong, that's for sure.

Quoting Lauriemom:

Don't blame yourself. I don't think you've RAISED a difficult child, I think your child has a challenging personality.  The only suggestion I have is like the PP said, have her scream and cry in another room. Tell her she can come out of her room when she's "feeling better" but the noise is disruptive to the rest of the house.  GL


Sagely
by Silver Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 10:03 AM

Desperate times call for desperate measures....and you say your solution is simple?  Whachya got?

Quoting Anonymous:

Easy solution. One that you will probably object to though. Good luck


epoh
by The Enzyme Helicase on Jan. 19, 2013 at 10:04 AM
I send my children upstairs. They can scream all they want. I let them know, "you're allowed to be upset but you need to calm your body before you come back downstairs," or I'll give them a choice, "you can either change your behavior now, or go to your room, calm down, and come back when you've changed your behavior."

It doesn't take more than a few attempts of this for them to get the hint that mommy isn't giving any attention, positive or negative, to this behavior. Don't feed into it and let her wail.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Jan. 19, 2013 at 10:05 AM
It sounds like you're headstrong too. People are giving you advice and you're objecting to all of it. Turn the music up and then she won't "bother" you.

Quoting Sagely:

She's disruptive to the house when she screams alone in her room, too.  And she can still be heard when she's put in the basement and outside.


She's head-strong, that's for sure.

Quoting Lauriemom:

Don't blame yourself. I don't think you've RAISED a difficult child, I think your child has a challenging personality.  The only suggestion I have is like the PP said, have her scream and cry in another room. Tell her she can come out of her room when she's "feeling better" but the noise is disruptive to the rest of the house.  GL


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