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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I need help..........PLEASE NO BASHING

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I have been with my DH for 14 years now. We have been married for 9 years. He has an addiction to crack cocaine and I am fat. Neither one of us are perfect but I try so hard to show him that I love him and encourage him to get clean. He typically spends on average of about 100.00 a week on crack. I work a full time job and so does he. Our kids do not do without anything but I know that we could do so much more with the money he blows. We have had a big argument today because he asked for 20.00 last night but instead took 40.00. It was out of his paycheck not mine. I feel that any money made by either one of us belongs to the other because we are married. Now for my questions. 

1. He calls me stupid and tells me that he is using the word correctly. It hurts but not as much as it used to. I tell him that just because he feels that he is using a word correctly he still should not do it if it hurts the other person. Am I right or am I wrong.

2. He tells me that he will not stop spending the money. Is it ok for him to blow this money. He says that if he is not spending it on the drug he will spend it some where else. I feel that this is selfish. is this right or is this wrong.

3. I yell A LOT. I am not making excuses and I am trying so hard to not do this but it happens. I am stressed. I work full time and I have 3 kids. My kids get out of control and wont stop until I am yelling so I yell. I have really been trying to change this. Today I got on the kids level and told them to use quiet feet (no running) quiet mouths (no screaming) and nice hands (no hitting)  I yelled one time this morning in 3 hours after reminding dear son constantly to be good. 

4. He does most of the cleaning and cooking around the house. I handle all of the finances. I try to show him how much I appreciate what he does but all he wants is money and we cant afford that. I got up this morning and cleaned the house before he got up. That was my way of doing my part and saying thank you. 

5. I asked to see his phone last night so I could install an app for him. When he gave it to me he had a picture on it of an anime character with her boobs in the front and center of the screen. They were partially covered with a blue shirt but still a very sexy picture. I feel this is disrespectful to me. Am I wrong? He calls me fat a lot and he thinks that tearing me down will make me loose weight. I guess make me fight back I dont know. All it does is kills me. I have asked him to help me. Count crunches, push ups, ect. 

He is emotionaly abusive to me. I feel dead inside. Yes I cried today when he ripped me apart because I told him that he lied but he left and the tears stopped. I am numb. I dont care any more. I need opinions....facts just no bashing PLEASE. I have tried to stay with him but it is taking it's toll. I feel like crack has won and I have lost. 
 

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 19, 2013 at 12:54 PM
Replies (11-20):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:11 PM
1 mom liked this
Smoke crack and you won't be fat!


goodmama85
by Diamond Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:11 PM


Quoting jesistar6910:

1. You are not hurt by it as much because you are starting to believe it. If you stay with him any longer it's just going to get worse.

2. He's going to spend more and more money on his addiction. He is going to get so far into this disease that soon, he'll no longer have a job, he'll be stealing more and more money from the communal bank account. My advice - get your own account, put only your money in it and do not let him have access. Period.

3. See a therapist. You have issues if you are able to stay with a man with a drug addiction. Good for you for trying not to yell, but those emotions are going to boil over eventually if you don't get some kind of help.

4. Doesn't matter. He's only cleaning because of his high or whatever. I think that's what crack and shit like that does to  you. You need to leave him, or try to get him in a program.

5. He is abusing you. You need to leave him. He's allowed to have whatever images he wants to, you need to tell him it makes you uncomfortable. But - seeing as he is an addict he is not going to change that behavior either

My all around advice: you need to lose this loser. Take your kids and go, before someone calls CPS and has them removed. Crack HAS won - the moment he started using it regularly - it won. Get out and get out fast.

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Eagle293
by Silver Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:12 PM
Leave now. Tell him you will only return once he passes a drug test. And that he has to take random tests when you say until you're satisfied he will stay clean. And he must go into rehab most jobs will give yo leave for drug rehab.
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hnischke
by Silver Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:12 PM
Leave. I'm never one to suggest divorce but given the circumstances you deserve better. The drugs clearly mean more to him than you or the kids. If you don't do it for you do it for the kids. You don't want them to think emotional absurd and drug use is acceptable.
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JakesMom712
by Ruby Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:13 PM
1 mom liked this
O
M
G

There is so much wrong with this. Divorce and go your separate ways you're both unhealthy and co-dependant
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Eagle293
by Silver Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:13 PM
Oh yeah that'll solve everything. Smh. Don't forget her teeth will rot. And her kids will suffer. But hey as long as she's skinny for dh who cares right?


Quoting Anonymous:

Smoke crack and you won't be fat!






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Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:15 PM
You will not win over the drugs. They control him and in turn are also controlling you and your kids. He not give up the drugs until he wants to or he hits rock bottom. He will not ever hit rock bottom as long as you are there picking up the pieces and enabling him. He calls you fat and stupid to control you and make you feel like you cannot do any better. He does this and it works because you are still there. If he didn't call you names, you wouldn't have such a low self-esteem and you would have already realized you are better than that and you would have left. People will do anything for crack. If he didn't have money and needed it, he could do something that puts your life at risk and your children's lives. I have seen great people who are loving spouses and loving parents turn into the worst type of person because of drugs. Also, stress and emotions can cause people to put on weight or not lose excess weight. Are you stress eating? I highly recommend you leave for you and your children and tell him that if he Evers stops using crack he can call you and you will see if things can be fixed or if it's just to late. If you are not willing to do that, at least go to Alanon meetings. There are people there that will help you. These people have all lived with an addict and can help you with dealing with yours. They will give you the support you need and they will not judge you. Once you become comfortable with the meetings and the people there, ask them to help you with helping your children deal with living with an addict. Everything you are going through, and feel, your children are going through and are feeling too. If you don't do it for yourself, at least do it for hour children. There are also support groups online that can help you if you cannot go to a meeting.
DieMyDarling
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:15 PM
He needs to go to rehab or u need to leave him,
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lindilouwho82
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:15 PM

 I would never be with an addict no matter how many imperfections I myself may have.

No one, not you or any other individual deserves to be held to a relationship that is toxic because they are insecure. You need to get out and be free of his unhealthy way of life. Even if it is on a temporary basis, let him be aware of what you add to the relationship. He will either get help or be gone. Either way you'll be better off and be able to repair the broken pieces of your heart, soul and emotional being.

Don't be afraid to be an independent single mother, don't be afraid to sacrifice a little stability to see how happy you can truly be, don't be afraid to cut him off because you are afraid he is the best you can get and most importantly don't raise your children to accept disrespect.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:17 PM
Teeth easily fixed, kids...ehh they will get over it or learn from it. So shazzam!!

Quoting Eagle293:

Oh yeah that'll solve everything. Smh. Don't forget her teeth will rot. And her kids will suffer. But hey as long as she's skinny for dh who cares right?




Quoting Anonymous:

Smoke crack and you won't be fat!









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