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I need help..........PLEASE NO BASHING

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I have been with my DH for 14 years now. We have been married for 9 years. He has an addiction to crack cocaine and I am fat. Neither one of us are perfect but I try so hard to show him that I love him and encourage him to get clean. He typically spends on average of about 100.00 a week on crack. I work a full time job and so does he. Our kids do not do without anything but I know that we could do so much more with the money he blows. We have had a big argument today because he asked for 20.00 last night but instead took 40.00. It was out of his paycheck not mine. I feel that any money made by either one of us belongs to the other because we are married. Now for my questions. 

1. He calls me stupid and tells me that he is using the word correctly. It hurts but not as much as it used to. I tell him that just because he feels that he is using a word correctly he still should not do it if it hurts the other person. Am I right or am I wrong.

2. He tells me that he will not stop spending the money. Is it ok for him to blow this money. He says that if he is not spending it on the drug he will spend it some where else. I feel that this is selfish. is this right or is this wrong.

3. I yell A LOT. I am not making excuses and I am trying so hard to not do this but it happens. I am stressed. I work full time and I have 3 kids. My kids get out of control and wont stop until I am yelling so I yell. I have really been trying to change this. Today I got on the kids level and told them to use quiet feet (no running) quiet mouths (no screaming) and nice hands (no hitting)  I yelled one time this morning in 3 hours after reminding dear son constantly to be good. 

4. He does most of the cleaning and cooking around the house. I handle all of the finances. I try to show him how much I appreciate what he does but all he wants is money and we cant afford that. I got up this morning and cleaned the house before he got up. That was my way of doing my part and saying thank you. 

5. I asked to see his phone last night so I could install an app for him. When he gave it to me he had a picture on it of an anime character with her boobs in the front and center of the screen. They were partially covered with a blue shirt but still a very sexy picture. I feel this is disrespectful to me. Am I wrong? He calls me fat a lot and he thinks that tearing me down will make me loose weight. I guess make me fight back I dont know. All it does is kills me. I have asked him to help me. Count crunches, push ups, ect. 

He is emotionaly abusive to me. I feel dead inside. Yes I cried today when he ripped me apart because I told him that he lied but he left and the tears stopped. I am numb. I dont care any more. I need opinions....facts just no bashing PLEASE. I have tried to stay with him but it is taking it's toll. I feel like crack has won and I have lost. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 19, 2013 at 12:54 PM
Replies (21-30):
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:17 PM
This. Do not let your kids grow uo thinking its ok to use drugs ir be treated like dirt.

Quoting tossed:

It is hard to be reasonable with a drug addict. Protect yourself.

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by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:19 PM
1 mom liked this
Wtf? Why would any perfectly smart human being stay with a drug addict? Fucking crack at that?!? I might have to agree with your crackhead dh here. You might actually be stupid. Get some sense. Who gives a fuck if you're fat? You're not hurting anyone but yourself with that. The potential that he's going to get sick or something from that or go to jail is very high.
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by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:20 PM


by Anonymous 6 on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:21 PM
Can you call in an anonymous tip to your local narcotics team?

I would imagine bc of the kids CPS might get involved. BUT, it could be your way out. Theyre not all bad. They have tons of services to help.

Im sorry you have to go through this!
by Anonymous 7 on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:21 PM

This is my answer right here!!!

I too am married to a pot head under the guise of medical usage but it is so much more!!! Currently I am paying bills and saving money, getting birth certificates,etc... ya know, getting my ducks in a row so I am prepared to leave within the year espeially if he continues down this path. Mine has no wish to change and will not get any help sounds like yours is the same. Sorry for your challenges Oh and I too am fat (size 20 at 5'9") thats right, I'm fat, piss me off and I'll sit on you and squish you so STFU!!! hahaha Good Luck!!

Quoting tossed:

It is hard to be reasonable with a drug addict. Protect yourself.

by Anonymous 8 on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:23 PM
*lose weight
by Anonymous 9 on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:23 PM
You lost me at crack cocaine.
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:23 PM
He is already emotionally abusive. What are you going to do when he doesn't have money for drugs and he steals it? Or sells your things? Or when he is so mad that he can't get his drugs that he beats you up or does something to your kids. The drugs come first, getting the drugs is more important to him than you or your kids. There is nothing you can do to get him stop. He has to want it. The only thing you have any control of right now is you and your kids. Leave before something that can't be fixed happens to you or your children. You are not the love of his life anymore, the drugs are the love of his life now.
by Ruby Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:23 PM
Get out. His drug use will harm your kids.
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by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:25 PM
No they won't they'll never forgive her. Take it from the daughter of a former crack addict. My life sucked so many bab things from bad people happened to me growing up. She has apologized but I've never truly forgiven everything and our relationship is tolerable at best. If dh hadn't come along and whisked me away at 16 I would've followed the same path. I was considering trying it, I was gonna drop out of hs. I felt nobody loved me. Dh moved me in with him and his parents when I got pregnant and I've never looked back.

Quoting Anonymous:

Teeth easily fixed, kids...ehh they will get over it or learn from it. So shazzam!!

Quoting Eagle293:

Oh yeah that'll solve everything. Smh. Don't forget her teeth will rot. And her kids will suffer. But hey as long as she's skinny for dh who cares right?

Quoting Anonymous:

Smoke crack and you won't be fat!

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