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I need help..........PLEASE NO BASHING

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I have been with my DH for 14 years now. We have been married for 9 years. He has an addiction to crack cocaine and I am fat. Neither one of us are perfect but I try so hard to show him that I love him and encourage him to get clean. He typically spends on average of about 100.00 a week on crack. I work a full time job and so does he. Our kids do not do without anything but I know that we could do so much more with the money he blows. We have had a big argument today because he asked for 20.00 last night but instead took 40.00. It was out of his paycheck not mine. I feel that any money made by either one of us belongs to the other because we are married. Now for my questions. 

1. He calls me stupid and tells me that he is using the word correctly. It hurts but not as much as it used to. I tell him that just because he feels that he is using a word correctly he still should not do it if it hurts the other person. Am I right or am I wrong.

2. He tells me that he will not stop spending the money. Is it ok for him to blow this money. He says that if he is not spending it on the drug he will spend it some where else. I feel that this is selfish. is this right or is this wrong.

3. I yell A LOT. I am not making excuses and I am trying so hard to not do this but it happens. I am stressed. I work full time and I have 3 kids. My kids get out of control and wont stop until I am yelling so I yell. I have really been trying to change this. Today I got on the kids level and told them to use quiet feet (no running) quiet mouths (no screaming) and nice hands (no hitting)  I yelled one time this morning in 3 hours after reminding dear son constantly to be good. 

4. He does most of the cleaning and cooking around the house. I handle all of the finances. I try to show him how much I appreciate what he does but all he wants is money and we cant afford that. I got up this morning and cleaned the house before he got up. That was my way of doing my part and saying thank you. 

5. I asked to see his phone last night so I could install an app for him. When he gave it to me he had a picture on it of an anime character with her boobs in the front and center of the screen. They were partially covered with a blue shirt but still a very sexy picture. I feel this is disrespectful to me. Am I wrong? He calls me fat a lot and he thinks that tearing me down will make me loose weight. I guess make me fight back I dont know. All it does is kills me. I have asked him to help me. Count crunches, push ups, ect. 

He is emotionaly abusive to me. I feel dead inside. Yes I cried today when he ripped me apart because I told him that he lied but he left and the tears stopped. I am numb. I dont care any more. I need opinions....facts just no bashing PLEASE. I have tried to stay with him but it is taking it's toll. I feel like crack has won and I have lost. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 19, 2013 at 12:54 PM
Replies (31-40):
by Anonymous 10 on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:27 PM
leave now! how can you be okay with him doing crack? my SO did that shit and i kicked him the fuck out! he got help and we worked through and things are good now. I will never ever be with a man who puts any drug above his family. Honestly I would tell him id rather you spend that money on something else besides drugs! drugs have a big impact on the way people act. when he gets mean and says nasty things is it when hes high? or when hes coming down or hasnt had any?
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:27 PM

You are a fucking bitch!!! You have no idea how hard this is. You have no idea what my life is like. You have no idea what I have lived through. You can take your opinion and go to hell!! 

Quoting angevil53:

Wtf? Why would any perfectly smart human being stay with a drug addict? Fucking crack at that?!? I might have to agree with your crackhead dh here. You might actually be stupid. Get some sense. Who gives a fuck if you're fat? You're not hurting anyone but yourself with that. The potential that he's going to get sick or something from that or go to jail is very high.

by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:27 PM

Leave him and find someone who will love you because he obviously doesn't.  You wouldn't even run the risk of losing the kids since you can prove him unfit because of the crack and you can even lock him up on possession charges if you need to so you have time to get away.

by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:29 PM
If you smOke crack you'll lose weight...
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by Silver Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:31 PM
Get him a assessment for drug abuse. Call your local chemical health department or 211 hugs. Also AA has a group called alano for family members of those using drugs.
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by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:33 PM
i hate to say it but when someone has a true addiction to a drug that said drug will ALWAYS win in the end (unless of course they get help)...i would be worried about my kids getting taken away because of the drugs. kids notice/sense so much more then we give them credit for. if mommy isnt happy the kids know. good luck and i hope you can find a way to be happy again!
by Anonymous 11 on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:34 PM

You are married to a drug addict and you are ok with this??  I would get out.  He abuses you and drugs... why are you staying??  Just because you are a BBW does not mean that you don't deserve better.  What do you think this is teaching your kids???

by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:35 PM
Did I ask for you wah story? I don't think so...want my advice. Get over the past. It's over move the hell on.

Quoting Eagle293:

No they won't they'll never forgive her. Take it from the daughter of a former crack addict. My life sucked so many bab things from bad people happened to me growing up. She has apologized but I've never truly forgiven everything and our relationship is tolerable at best. If dh hadn't come along and whisked me away at 16 I would've followed the same path. I was considering trying it, I was gonna drop out of hs. I felt nobody loved me. Dh moved me in with him and his parents when I got pregnant and I've never looked back.

Quoting Anonymous:

Teeth easily fixed, kids...ehh they will get over it or learn from it. So shazzam!!

Quoting Eagle293:

Oh yeah that'll solve everything. Smh. Don't forget her teeth will rot. And her kids will suffer. But hey as long as she's skinny for dh who cares right?

Quoting Anonymous:

Smoke crack and you won't be fat!

by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:37 PM
Good job staying with a crack head
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by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:38 PM

I really appreciate the replies of encouragement and good advice. I just want to make it clear that what he does is not done in our home or around our kids. He goes to his friends house and gets high there. Usually its about 3-4 nights a week. The kids are going to a friends tonight and I plan to talk to him and tell him he has to leave. I cannot do this any more. I am 100% that I am over weight due to the stress. I do not have a great diet but I also do not eat all the time either. If anything I undereat. My doctor has told me that my body thinks it is starving so when I do eat the not so healthy things my body holds on to all of the fat. I dont know what the future holds from here on our and i am sure he will spiral into a life of even more drugs and alcohol but it wont be here. 

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