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I need help..........PLEASE NO BASHING

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I have been with my DH for 14 years now. We have been married for 9 years. He has an addiction to crack cocaine and I am fat. Neither one of us are perfect but I try so hard to show him that I love him and encourage him to get clean. He typically spends on average of about 100.00 a week on crack. I work a full time job and so does he. Our kids do not do without anything but I know that we could do so much more with the money he blows. We have had a big argument today because he asked for 20.00 last night but instead took 40.00. It was out of his paycheck not mine. I feel that any money made by either one of us belongs to the other because we are married. Now for my questions. 

1. He calls me stupid and tells me that he is using the word correctly. It hurts but not as much as it used to. I tell him that just because he feels that he is using a word correctly he still should not do it if it hurts the other person. Am I right or am I wrong.

2. He tells me that he will not stop spending the money. Is it ok for him to blow this money. He says that if he is not spending it on the drug he will spend it some where else. I feel that this is selfish. is this right or is this wrong.

3. I yell A LOT. I am not making excuses and I am trying so hard to not do this but it happens. I am stressed. I work full time and I have 3 kids. My kids get out of control and wont stop until I am yelling so I yell. I have really been trying to change this. Today I got on the kids level and told them to use quiet feet (no running) quiet mouths (no screaming) and nice hands (no hitting)  I yelled one time this morning in 3 hours after reminding dear son constantly to be good. 

4. He does most of the cleaning and cooking around the house. I handle all of the finances. I try to show him how much I appreciate what he does but all he wants is money and we cant afford that. I got up this morning and cleaned the house before he got up. That was my way of doing my part and saying thank you. 

5. I asked to see his phone last night so I could install an app for him. When he gave it to me he had a picture on it of an anime character with her boobs in the front and center of the screen. They were partially covered with a blue shirt but still a very sexy picture. I feel this is disrespectful to me. Am I wrong? He calls me fat a lot and he thinks that tearing me down will make me loose weight. I guess make me fight back I dont know. All it does is kills me. I have asked him to help me. Count crunches, push ups, ect. 

He is emotionaly abusive to me. I feel dead inside. Yes I cried today when he ripped me apart because I told him that he lied but he left and the tears stopped. I am numb. I dont care any more. I need opinions....facts just no bashing PLEASE. I have tried to stay with him but it is taking it's toll. I feel like crack has won and I have lost. 
 

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 19, 2013 at 12:54 PM
Replies (41-50):
momo3fgr8tteens
by Ruby Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:42 PM

Not sure what to say. I could not stay with someone like that for really any reason. I cannot tolerate addictions or any type of abuse like that. Why do you feel you have to do this? Try to convince him to get help is all I can suggest. 

Eagle293
by Silver Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:44 PM
What parents do children don't forget period. They may slowly get over it, they may forgive. But they will always remember the negative and be forever scarred in some way. Parents like you may not care how you affect your childs life. But most of us do care and won't resort to smoking crack to stay with a loser dh or become skinny. Hell the better plan would be medically removing fat or a diet and exercise plan works good to.


Quoting Anonymous:

Did I ask for you wah story? I don't think so...want my advice. Get over the past. It's over move the hell on.



Quoting Eagle293:

No they won't they'll never forgive her. Take it from the daughter of a former crack addict. My life sucked so many bab things from bad people happened to me growing up. She has apologized but I've never truly forgiven everything and our relationship is tolerable at best. If dh hadn't come along and whisked me away at 16 I would've followed the same path. I was considering trying it, I was gonna drop out of hs. I felt nobody loved me. Dh moved me in with him and his parents when I got pregnant and I've never looked back.






Quoting Anonymous:

Teeth easily fixed, kids...ehh they will get over it or learn from it. So shazzam!!







Quoting Eagle293:

Oh yeah that'll solve everything. Smh. Don't forget her teeth will rot. And her kids will suffer. But hey as long as she's skinny for dh who cares right?










Quoting Anonymous:

Smoke crack and you won't be fat!




















Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:44 PM
1 mom liked this
My husband hid his addiction for months when we started dating. The same addiction.

When I found out. I cut him off. He knew I had a zero tolerance policy. No drugs no heavy drinking. I've known him since we were kids and we loved each other all our lives. And when we finally had a chance be blow it! I was so so sad.

The day I told him I knew. I had a conversation with his dealer ( who let me on the phone whole he bought drugs off of him)
He dropped to his knees weeping. He hit bottom that day. When he walked out my door I expected to never see him again. That he would just go use

He didn't he walked to D & A and asked to go to rehab. They sent him the next morning. He was gone for 6 weeks. He's been clean and sober since that day. It's been yrs. we have 2 kids. Good jobs and he's now a pastor and trying to help others anyway he can.
Still to this day. I check his phone records. And use family locator to see if he is where he should be.

I know there will always be a chance of relapse.

Anyway I know the road your on. By sticking around you are enabling him. And his addiction will become stronger. He will lie cheat and steal his way until he decides otherwise. Key word HE.
You say you love him? If you do? Leave him! Do you love your children? If you do take them. And go. Your fear for him and your love will not hinder him he is owned. Let him go if he choose like my dh did he will get help. If he does not then feel no sympathy or regret or fear for him. It won't help.

Best of luck to you. And him.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:45 PM
NOBODY in this world is perfect.......why is she stupid? For asking for advice? She is emotionally broken and keeps taking this abuse because she has her own issues but who are we to judge?????? Your whole message or suppose advice is useless except for the ending which you should of started with and left it at that and also where no one cares if she's fat because she can get another love in her life nomatter how she looks, she's not asking you to care, she just through it out there to let people know she has in inperfection also, she said their both not perfect. She says please no bashing and the first thing you do is bash her??? Similar to Monkey see monkey do.


Quoting angevil53:

Wtf? Why would any perfectly smart human being stay with a drug addict? Fucking crack at that?!? I might have to agree with your crackhead dh here. You might actually be stupid. Get some sense. Who gives a fuck if you're fat? You're not hurting anyone but yourself with that. The potential that he's going to get sick or something from that or go to jail is very high.

Hellobabies
by Silver Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:45 PM

I speak as a child of a drug addict, please get yourself and your children away from him.

angevil53
by Platinum Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:46 PM
Well i call it like i see it. You're putting your children and yourself at extreme risk by allowing a crackhead in your home. Your kids are eventually going to realize that dads a druggie and mom allows it with a few manipulating words.


Quoting Anonymous:


You are a fucking bitch!!! You have no idea how hard this is. You have no idea what my life is like. You have no idea what I have lived through. You can take your opinion and go to hell!! 


Quoting angevil53:

Wtf? Why would any perfectly smart human being stay with a drug addict? Fucking crack at that?!? I might have to agree with your crackhead dh here. You might actually be stupid. Get some sense. Who gives a fuck if you're fat? You're not hurting anyone but yourself with that. The potential that he's going to get sick or something from that or go to jail is very high.





Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:47 PM

To be honest with you the reason I am still with him is because I have no one. My mom and dad both are addicts and I rarely see or speak to them. They rarely see my kids and do not have any type of relationship with them. My grandparents are all in very ill health and my best friend moved across the state. I have recently started going to church so I am hoping to find some support there. Financial is a big deal too. He will not pay child support. He will get a job making very little money or getting paid under the table. I make too much money to be eligible for ANY government programs other than medicaid for the kids but I do not make enough money to pay all of my bills and daycare. Like I said I have no one that I can depend on if he is gone so I am scared shitless right now but I have to do something. 

Quoting momo3fgr8tteens:

Not sure what to say. I could not stay with someone like that for really any reason. I cannot tolerate addictions or any type of abuse like that. Why do you feel you have to do this? Try to convince him to get help is all I can suggest. 



angevil53
by Platinum Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:49 PM
No this man is obviously manipulating her by telling her she's fat etc. She's making excuses for a crackhead. She's taking extreme risk by allowing this behavior and that IS stupid. If you can't see that then you too are stupid.


Quoting Anonymous:

NOBODY in this world is perfect.......why is she stupid? For asking for advice? She is emotionally broken and keeps taking this abuse because she has her own issues but who are we to judge?????? Your whole message or suppose advice is useless except for the ending which you should of started with and left it at that and also where no one cares if she's fat because she can get another love in her life nomatter how she looks, she's not asking you to care, she just through it out there to let people know she has in inperfection also, she said their both not perfect. She says please no bashing and the first thing you do is bash her??? Similar to Monkey see monkey do.




Quoting angevil53:

Wtf? Why would any perfectly smart human being stay with a drug addict? Fucking crack at that?!? I might have to agree with your crackhead dh here. You might actually be stupid. Get some sense. Who gives a fuck if you're fat? You're not hurting anyone but yourself with that. The potential that he's going to get sick or something from that or go to jail is very high.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:51 PM
1 mom liked this

Thank you 


Quoting Anonymous:

NOBODY in this world is perfect.......why is she stupid? For asking for advice? She is emotionally broken and keeps taking this abuse because she has her own issues but who are we to judge?????? Your whole message or suppose advice is useless except for the ending which you should of started with and left it at that and also where no one cares if she's fat because she can get another love in her life nomatter how she looks, she's not asking you to care, she just through it out there to let people know she has in inperfection also, she said their both not perfect. She says please no bashing and the first thing you do is bash her??? Similar to Monkey see monkey do.


Quoting angevil53:

Wtf? Why would any perfectly smart human being stay with a drug addict? Fucking crack at that?!? I might have to agree with your crackhead dh here. You might actually be stupid. Get some sense. Who gives a fuck if you're fat? You're not hurting anyone but yourself with that. The potential that he's going to get sick or something from that or go to jail is very high.



Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:52 PM

its hard, my husband smoke weed sometimes and I HATE it, hes a good man loving and even sweeter when hes smokes but i dont like it, cus to me weed is as bad cocaine, (JUST MY OPINION) although my situation is not as bad i still told he needs to stop or im gone. i love him but i dont want my child to grow around a father whos smoke, my friends thinks im stupid cus my husband works and treats me like a queen but i hate that he smokes pot. so i totally understand, im not too fat but not as skinny as before and hes doesnt like it so im working in that as well. but he doesnt diss me about it, SORRY TO HEAR BUT REMEMBER ONLY YOU CAN MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY, LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. ((HUGS))

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