Promise I'm not a troll, just don't want this going along with my SN for obvious reasons.
When I was a teenager, a guy (much older) I was "dating" (meaning he wouldn't let me break up with him or leave him, threatened to kill my family if I said anything about him, beat me up a lot, raped me, screamed at me, etc. it was lovely) constantly told me I was way too fat. I'm 5'5 now, I was probably 5'3 or 5'4 around the time and was about 115 lbs when I met him, with a lot of weight in my boobs - developed early. He yelled at me if I ate, and controlled quite a bit of the rest of my life. So, in my little mind, I thought I could OUT control him and stopped eating hardly anything. When I would have to eat (social, if he let me go home to my parents house, if he decided he wanted me to eat something) it would make me gag, and I'd usually wind up throwing it up - sometimes intentionally if it was too "bad" and sometimes it just happened. I got down under 90 lbs, and still thought I was way too fat. I was anemic, terrified when my dr said they had to tell my parents that and that I was showing signs of anorexia (rapid weight loss, nails and lips discolored, apparently my teeth were messed up, my blood issues, I had deficiencies) and he suggested to my parents to put me in therapy, which they did, but it didn't do much. I barely talked..... and my parents didn't really get involved past that. I met a guy when I was older that helped me get out of the situation, helped me be able to eat normally again, and for years he was wonderful, we had kids (I gained weight.... too much... ) and we've been married for years now. I'm in my late 20's, I'm probably 20 lbs overweight still.... and a few weeks ago I got a comment from some random idiot kid calling me a "fatass"... and since then, I haven't been able to really eat solid food without gagging, I recently got bloodwork again for a separate issue and it showed I was slightly anemic and I've obviously been losing weight. I wasn't real worried when it first happened, because I'd occasionally get into "dips" where I was feeling real insecure and would have some food problems for a few days, then it would kind of resolve itself. But this has been going on since mid December. My intake is coffee, water, and almond milk every day... once every few days I'll eat veggies or fish... if I try anything else or too often I get sick. the kids are too young to notice anything is different, and my husband is overseas, i don't want to bother him. i'm completely clueless about eating disorders, i was intentionally blind to them for the longest time. from what i know, i thought they were not things that come and go like this. I don't want to go somewhere and have someone think I'm crazy.... but I can't be messing around with this now that I'm a parent. Advice?