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Apparently I act like a "commoner"?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 278 Replies
1 mom liked this

I married a man of privilege after dating for 4 years. Our different backgrounds have never been an issue. Sure, some things here and there would come up, but he never made me feel inadequate or ashamed. Even his family was very welcoming. His father and mother came from humble beginning, and his dad built some kind of construction empire. He owns several businesses from framing, construction, plumbing, landscaping,  electrical etc. Basically, he owns a business for everything needed to build homes and never has to contract out. I don't know their worth, but its a lot. I would classify my background as upper lower, or lower middle income.

Last year we got married, and 8 months ago we bought a "modest" home. 4 bedroom 3 bath and 4100 square feet. I am currently 4 months pregnant. Its a little much but he and his family are very close, and the siblings often stay over on the weekends. So he insisted on having 2 guest bedrooms.

Anyways. After watching a movie tonight, I decided I was going to take a shower in the guest bathroom, which I have never used in the entire 8 months we have lived here. I rarely go in there except to clean or restock after company. He looked at me weird when I mentioned this, asking why. The bathrooms in our house are labeled luxury bathrooms. The guest bathroom is nothing special really, besides being oversized, it has this massive shower head hanging from the ceiling. I think its called a waterfall shower. And I just want to try it. Before this home, I have never showered in anything other than a standard shower.

Of course he finds this silly. I asked him, don't you find it silly that we have bathrooms that we have never even used? Not even the restrooms in them? He scoffed. Then he said it. "While I find this sort of thing cute, others will not. If you want to fit in, you have to stop acting like a commoner. Not everybody is as welcoming and tolerant as my family. I don't want you to get picked on". ::jaw drop:: I asked how I was acting like a commoner,its not like I am uneducated, trashy, or anything of the sort. He said getting excited about different types of showers is child like. Ok, maybe he has a point, and maybe its a little weird the way I stated it. But if I want to use all the bathrooms in my own home, then I will. Its not like I'm going to run and tell people about it.

So my question is. What exactly is proper? How am I supposed to act in social situations? How can I not act like a commoner when I don't even know what those actions are to begin with? If you are "privileged", what actions being displayed at lets say, a dinner, or party, would you label as "commoner" behavior?

Sorry, I didn't intend for this to be so long. Before you bash, no, I don't want to change who I am, but I do want to behave as expected during social functions. Its no different than exhibiting one behavior in a bar with friends, and another when at a formal function, like a wedding. Its just propriety.

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 20, 2013 at 12:51 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 20, 2013 at 12:58 AM

Maybe a title change will help. Bump

horseap
by Gold Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 12:58 AM
11 moms liked this

 Ask his mother or sisters for advice.  They know the people that you will be around and what would be expected of you.

TAG_ur_it
by Gold Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:00 AM
36 moms liked this

he could have said it without being a dick.  people like that acutally make me sick to my stomach.  and i don't mean wealthy. i mean snobs.  

nataliesmom2012
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:01 AM
8 moms liked this

Start on the outside and work your way in with the silverware lol


I have no clue. I would just ask him.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:03 AM
1 mom liked this

 I thought about that, but they are far too nice to tell me how to act. They are the type to say "screw them", you be yourself. Which I appreciate, but obviously they don't act as if they are from humble beginning at these functions. I'm starting to think its something you aquire over time. But I don't want DH to be embarassed. I sometimes get embarassed when he is out with my friends, and does something that can be mistaken as uppity, even though that was not his intention. Example, he was dumbfounded when we went to a club and they served beer in plastic cups instead of real glasses. I had to explain to him they do that so they don't have to worry about broken glass on the dance floor.

Quoting horseap:

 Ask his mother or sisters for advice.  They know the people that you will be around and what would be expected of you.

 

aCafemomma
by Bronze Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:03 AM
4 moms liked this

frankly i  don't see what the problem is you want to take a shower never tried that shower head and no one else is in your house what's the big deal? He planing to go up to his friends and tell them about it or something? I highly doubt anyone care what bathroom you take a shower in.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:03 AM
10 moms liked this
I'm sorry...did you marry a prince or something?
JayeC2
by Silver Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:04 AM
4 moms liked this

It's not as if you would shower when company was there.....he's being an ass IMO.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:04 AM
5 moms liked this
Ugh. I'm not a fan of snobby people.
wkukid
by Ocean Wave on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:04 AM
1 mom liked this

I have no idea. We got a double head shower head and I was excited lol. And we use all the bathrooms in our house.

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