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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

HELP: Am I wrong for keeping my distance?

Posted by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:20 AM
  • 22 Replies
I've recently suffered a miscarriage and was very ill with my pressure and with my heart rate being high. All test came back normal but my potassium was low due to my blood pressure meds. So now I'm doing much better.

Well, I told my mom about my situation the day of and she called me retarded. She asked me was I crazy and how I was gonna kill myself having babies, mind you I'm 37 years old and married. I had issues with my first three pregnancies, because I was in a very abusive relationship(first marriage) and it was stressful. Anyway, she told me she would personally take off work to take me to get "fixed". HUH?! That hurt me to my heart. She made other cutting remarks against me and my new husband, and he has a heart of gold. Now, my momma don't believe in second marriages because you're going to hell. So instead of her asking me was I okay or if I needed anything, she straight hit me below the belt. I can now always remember my mom being mean and saying harsh things to my brother and I when we were young like "You're gonna be sorry like your daddy." Right now, I just cry. I find myself trying to please my mom and want her to be my friend is what I'm realizing. I cried more over what my mom said than the fact I had a miscarriage.

So I went to therapy and I've now been told I have Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. It all stems from my moms verbal abuse, my dad not being around as a child, sexual abuse as a child, almost raped, domestic violence from my first marriage and other things. Thank God I now have a great husband, and he treats me like a queen so I know he's not a factor.

So my question is, am I wrong from alienating myself from my mom. She's been calling me and leaving voicemails for me to call her about helping her out with something. Crazy thing is that she doesn't sound remorseful or sound as if she's said anything wrong. It's like nothing is wrong. I love my mom but I can't be around her. And she's a pastor may I add. This ain't how a Christian is suppose to act especially toward their children. I love the Lord but she even acts like she's the only one going to Heaven. So am I wrong for keeping my distance?
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by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:20 AM
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Replies (1-10):
edelweiss23
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:22 AM
4 moms liked this
I would cut her out of my life.

With the added statement of "you are not acting very christ like, mom".
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Melbornj
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:23 AM
I don't think she is going to be remorseful because in her way that is her twisted way of loving you. Only you can decide if developing a relationship our distance is the right thing.
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kjoarcik
by Silver Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:25 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't think you are wrong at all. You need to worry about yourself and your health. You come first.

kidlover2
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:28 AM
No. You are certainly not wrong. You're being healthy
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mrsfitz05
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:28 AM
No, you are not wrong. I'm a Christian but I don't believe that regardless of our children's choices God would ever approve of verbal lashing like this. She sounds toxic. you would do well to cut all people from your life that aren't making it better to be in it.
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Dzyre1115
by Desiree` on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:28 AM

I am sorry for your loss. There are two sides to this coin.  She is a harsh person and I would not deal with her and you should not be trying to please her at all, you're an adult.  On the other side, if you know you have issues during pregnancy and you insist on putting yourself in harms way, then you can't expect people to feel sorry for you.  There's only so many, "Oh you poor thing", moments before people say to themselves, "Don't you know how to avoid this?". 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:37 AM
Keep your distance . You need to focus on yourself and on your family if she can't be a positive influence in your life when you need her the most then you shouldn't be around her. Take care of yourself. She will realize one day that what she did to her children was wrong all k have to say is prepare yourself when it's time to forgive her . Hugs to you momma.
mami2my3rugratz
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:44 AM
The only time I would end up in the hospital when I was pregnant was when my ex husband and I had a fall out. He was the worst but I stayed. I can see that pretty much had to do with the fact that abuse was all I knew by childhood wounds. Soon as I would get to the hospital, I was fine. My doctors even told me that my complications were stress related. Now I'm rid of him.

My recent stress has been that I've just finished dealing with some things concerning my ex, his current wife and the abuse they did to my dd...Broke her finger. Now court is over and my children are safe. I have been in a custody battle with my ex for almost three years and it is over so I can now have some peace.

So moving on with my life and removing the stress and negativity, I shouldn't have any issues if I were to become pregnant again. Perhaps this wasn't the right time but I know my health is what I'm truly focusing on now that I can truly see the underlying issues and what sets it off.


Quoting Dzyre1115:

I am sorry for your loss. There are two sides to this coin.  She is a harsh person and I would not deal with her and you should not be trying to please her at all, you're an adult.  On the other side, if you know you have issues during pregnancy and you insist on putting yourself in harms way, then you can't expect people to feel sorry for you.  There's only so many, "Oh you poor thing", moments before people say to themselves, "Don't you know how to avoid this?". 


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mindymay84
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:46 AM
I would cut her out of my life. You don't need someone in your life that makes you feel like dirt. Either that, or sit down with her and let her know that you won't put up with her talking to you like that. Let her know that if she keeps disrespecting you that you are going to have too stop talking to her. Good luck Momma!
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mami2my3rugratz
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:53 AM
My grandma said the same thing about how she's not acting Christ-like.


Quoting edelweiss23:

I would cut her out of my life.



With the added statement of "you are not acting very christ like, mom".

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