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If you have excellent grammar, please help me!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 24 Replies

I'm writing a short story and my first draft was reject for grammatical errors. I don't know when to use a comma or a different punctuation mark when two characters are speaking. This is from my story:

"Answer me," he commanded.

I cleared my throat and whispered to him "I understand."

"Is this how you are to address me?" He asked, his voice persistent.

"I understand, Sir." I tried to open my eyes. My vision was clouded with tears and as I moved to wipe my eyes, he released his grip but did not move his body from my personal space. I quickly wiped my tears and finally looked at him. 

After "Answer me", should there be a comma or a period, and why? How do I know which to use? Thank you! 

BTW the story is light BDSM erotica.

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 20, 2013 at 11:46 AM
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BeAuTiFuL.BLiSs
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 11:48 AM
3 moms liked this

Honestly, you're probably better off purchasing yourself a English book or something to help you learn all the rules.

Cafemom and only help you so far.

Good luck!

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mem82
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 11:50 AM
2 moms liked this


"Answer me," he commanded.

I cleared my throat and whispered to him, "I understand."

"Is this how you are to address me?" He asked, his voice persistent.

"I understand, Sir." I tried to open my eyes. My vision was clouded with tears and as I moved to wipe my eyes, he released his grip, but did not move his body from my personal space. I quickly wiped my tears and, finally, looked at him.

The blue is where I added commas and some sticklers would say it goes where the red is, also. Also, you should start a new line after "I understand, sir."

Mamasgirl524
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 11:50 AM
After I understand sir, the next sentence seems really long.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 20, 2013 at 11:54 AM

Thank you! Can you tell me how you know where to add commas or punctuation, or provide me with a link online? I feel like an idiot for not knowing! 

Quoting mem82:


"Answer me," he commanded.

I cleared my throat and whispered to him, "I understand."

"Is this how you are to address me?" He asked, his voice persistent.

"I understand, Sir." I tried to open my eyes. My vision was clouded with tears and as I moved to wipe my eyes, he released his grip, but did not move his body from my personal space. I quickly wiped my tears and, finally, looked at him.

The blue is where I added commas and some sticklers would say it goes where the red is, also. Also, you should start a new line after "I understand, sir."



Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 20, 2013 at 11:55 AM
2 moms liked this
i blame fifty shades of grey for this. :(
Junesmommy18
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 11:57 AM
1 mom liked this

I ain't no good help 'round here. Srry. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 20, 2013 at 11:58 AM

You learned out?


Quoting Anonymous:

i don't know about her, but i learned out



Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you! Can you tell me how you know where to add commas or punctuation, or provide me with a link online? I feel like an idiot for not knowing! 


Quoting mem82:


"Answer me," he commanded.


I cleared my throat and whispered to him, "I understand."


"Is this how you are to address me?" He asked, his voice persistent.


"I understand, Sir."
I tried to open my eyes. My vision was clouded with tears and as I
moved to wipe my eyes, he released his grip, but did not move his body
from my personal space. I quickly wiped my tears and, finally, looked at
him.

The blue is where I added commas and some sticklers would say it goes where the red is, also. Also, you should start a new line after "I understand, sir."







Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 20, 2013 at 11:59 AM

"Answer me!" he commanded.

I cleared my throat and whispered to him, "I understand."

"Is this how you are to address me?" He asked, his voice persistent.

"I understand Sir." I tried to open my eyes, my vision was clouded with tears. As I moved to wipe my eyes, he released his grip but did not move his body from my personal space. I quickly wiped my tears and finally looked at him. 

You would IMO use an exclamation point since he commanded. You could use a period but you are supposed to end it with something. Commas create a pause, or separate two things. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 20, 2013 at 12:00 PM

Actually, I've been writing erotica for twelve years, professionally. This is what I do for a living. I'm a ghostwriter, and this is the first time I'm publishing under my own name. I do not have a proofreader yet. I would to send a more complete manuscript to the proofreader, so I would like to be able to correct my own grammar. As a ghostwriter, I have a proofreader who takes care of grammatical errors for me. 


Quoting Anonymous:

i blame fifty shades of grey for this. :(



mem82
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 12:00 PM

English is my thing, so grammar rules have always made sense to me. Here's a LINK that might help.

Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you! Can you tell me how you know where to add commas or punctuation, or provide me with a link online? I feel like an idiot for not knowing! 

Quoting mem82:


"Answer me," he commanded.

I cleared my throat and whispered to him, "I understand."

"Is this how you are to address me?" He asked, his voice persistent.

"I understand, Sir." I tried to open my eyes. My vision was clouded with tears and as I moved to wipe my eyes, he released his grip, but did not move his body from my personal space. I quickly wiped my tears and, finally, looked at him.

The blue is where I added commas and some sticklers would say it goes where the red is, also. Also, you should start a new line after "I understand, sir."




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