i see often people who think that getting a divorce will make their lives instantly better. get out of a bad marriage, live a happy good life. i think people need to realize how much a divorce can rock your world. its coming up on the one year anniversary since my marriage ended. 2012 was a hell of a year for me. and things STILL arent the same. for the first time in my life, i'm in debt. got here trying to keep a roof over my kids heads. i didnt get child support. i'm digging myself out slowly. i should be all paid off in about 3 months. we have moved 3 times in the past year. i work so much, i barely see my kids now. i feel like i've lost that connection with them. its gone from mommy being home all day, to them seeing mommy a few hours every few days. i miss my kids. i havent had a girls night out in a year. havent had a drink in a year. and i have found family turns on you fast. my mil and fil have stopped speaking to me altogether. my step mom for some reason has cut off contact with me as well. ( my dad doesnt know why. hes still nice to me). i have had cps get called on me. talk to my kids. asked them if i beat them. i'm tired. mommys tired. i have had, up until the past month, no contact with my ex. there was no happy co-parenting with my ex. it was as if eachother didnt exist. i havent seen him, he cant be around me. too hard on him. i have gone into a consignment store, where my kids furniture was being sold. the stuff i left behind for them to have at my ex husbands house. i have been hurt, scared out of my fucking mind, up all night worrying, angry. i havent been happy. i know its a long road, i gotta crawl before i can walk, but a year in, and i'm still so fucked. i dont know how the rest of my year is going to go. but i knew when i filed that divorce, and sat in that courtroom, that i couldnt go back. you cant go back. you just have to understand that. you cant do anything but move forward. and try your best because shit changes. it changes in ways you would never think it would. divorce doesnt mean instant happiness.