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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My stepdaughter is tearing my family apart. Help!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 47 Replies
When I met my dh he was a new single father to three kids- 6yrs, 8, and 9. Our relationship quickly developed and within a year we were living together. I became mom, doing everything a mom would do. And I loved it, instant family. Before getting married we had decided to hold off having kids together to let the steps get used to all the changes. Then 6 years ago we had an opps. During my pregnancy the oldest started having behavior problems. Our daughter was still born and we decided to once again put off having a child, this time until the kids were out of the house. I'm younger than dh, he's 56 and I'm 37. So now the two oldest are in college and our youngest has decided to become a pothead. She's gone from almost straight A's to barely C's. She got caught shoplifting nail Polish from target and picked up twice for curfew violation. I desperately want a bio child. I want to experience sleepless nights, dirty diapers, the excitement of first steps, etc. But dh is wanting to hold off once again. I'm young, but I'm getting older. My childbearing days are numbered. Part of me wants to give dh and ultimatum, ttc now or I'm leaving. He says he wants to have a baby, but I'm not sure. It's not fair to me, and I'm starting to resent the kids. I don't know what to do.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 21, 2013 at 10:21 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 21, 2013 at 10:24 AM
Anyone?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 21, 2013 at 10:26 AM
3 moms liked this

I think you need to voice all of these feelings to your husband, but without the ultimatum. Just be clear that you are serious and this is a huge part of your life.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 21, 2013 at 10:28 AM
1 mom liked this

honestly, i'd give him the ultimatum, you have put off your wants and needs all these years to help take care of children who were not yours. 

You having a baby will not change the way you two are parenting the youngest step child. 

LoveMyLos
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 10:29 AM
Idk. I wouldnt wantt a baby at 37. But i know you want your own. What about adoption?
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Serenity7
by Bronze Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 10:29 AM
2 moms liked this

 Clearly there is something going with his daughter since she is acting that way. Your husband is concern about his daughter. That is how it is when you have a kid who is out of control. Your only concern is about your child. When you do get pregnant I am sure you want your husband to focus on the new baby. It would be hard for him to do that with a kid who clearly has problems & needs help

tlcory
by Platinum Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 10:30 AM
1 mom liked this

Let him know you are choosing to go off birth control and letting fate take its course.  Tell him You feel you are not getting any younger and you put it off for him and his kids but now it is time for him to understand your feelings.  You have been awesome putting it off to help raise the skids and it is only fair he understands where you are coming from now! Good Luck honey!

WickdlySweet
by Bronze Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 10:31 AM
I'm sorry but if you wait for this perfect time to have a child, it'll never happen.I think you should be able to have a child, I'm the same age group as you, we don't have many fertile years left.I would go for it now, unfortunately you can't force him.

How old is youngest stepchild? My oldest step has a drug issue too and that would never stop me from having my own child, though in my case I am done having kids.
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mybabybugssmile
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 10:32 AM

 So you two suck at parenting the youngest one. Im not seeing how you guys not getting pregnant now is the stepdaughters fault...

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 21, 2013 at 10:34 AM
We had definitely discussed adoption. We always said we would never sink a lot of money into ttc and fertility drugs, that if after a year of ttc we'd just start the adoption process. But I'd like to at least try to have a bio child.


Quoting LoveMyLos:

Idk. I wouldnt wantt a baby at 37. But i know you want your own. What about adoption?

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 21, 2013 at 10:36 AM
She is 17. Just turned 17 in october.


Quoting WickdlySweet:

I'm sorry but if you wait for this perfect time to have a child, it'll never happen.I think you should be able to have a child, I'm the same age group as you, we don't have many fertile years left.I would go for it now, unfortunately you can't force him.



How old is youngest stepchild? My oldest step has a drug issue too and that would never stop me from having my own child, though in my case I am done having kids.

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