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Do you judge women who have abusive exs?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

i want to know the truth so go anon if you want, i had an abusive ex, i had his child, hes not around i left him as soon i could. i used to literally run away from him when he wasnt looking, but he always chased after me and physically brought me back, he made it so i was unable to be near a phone to call the police.

i do not like to tell people this and i get worried when people fnd out because i feel like they are judging me, do you judge women who have been in an abusive relationship?

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 21, 2013 at 10:57 AM
Replies (31-40):
by Platinum Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:10 AM
No. But I had one too. It's hard to understand the dynamics of an abusive relationship unless you've been in one. The men isolate their women so you are so alone, nowhere to go. I don't tell people in my real life about it because I'm ashamed too. How can I tell people "Oh, my ex used to sit behind the couch with a gun in one hand and his other wrapped around me holding me in place because he was convinced I had hired people to kill him. Yes he was on drugs but I thought I could save him." Op, feel free to Pm me any time if you want to talk, vent, cry, anything. I've,been there and understand.
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by Anonymous 10 on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:10 AM
Cause sometimes you have to stay a little bit to get your get out plan together. Leaving isn't as easy as packing a bag and leaving. Abuse is all about control. And sometimes taking the hits yourself is better then your kids taking them.

Quoting Anonymous:

I don't judge them but I wonder how they stayed in that relationship when it started getting bad.
by Anonymous 11 on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:10 AM
Why would I? I've been there myself. The abuse usually starts off so gradual it's not even recognized as abuse. By the time it gets physical, you're totally (or seemingly) isolated & alone.
by Anonymous 12 on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:10 AM
4 moms liked this
No not at all. And I love the responses about "no only women who go back or had kids by them....".
Ladies, unless you've been in an abusive relationship, and know the inner workings of one, it's not easy to "just leave" as you all say. And many don't go back to endure the abuse, many go back to avoid it further, as crazy as it sounds. Many times, an abuser is a manipulator, who's already played on a womans self esteem, makes threats to her family and children, and they feel, for the benefit for everyone, it's better to stay or go back than to leave. It takes a lot to leave, and stay gone, it's not as simple as just leaving.
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:11 AM
Nope, not at all and that's the honest truth.
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by AlwaysWatching on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:12 AM
No I don't and I never knew people did until Cafemom.
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by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:13 AM

No, because the relationship doesn't start out abusive. If the guy acted like that all the time he wouldn't have any relationships. Abusers can act very charming when they want to.

by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:14 AM
4 moms liked this
Why would anyone judge someone for that? It's not as though the person would say when you first meet 'yeah, I plan to berate you, hit you, sexually assault you, make you feel completely worthless and as though you can't make it without me. Oh, and don't even think about asking for help because I will track you down. Or I will put on a show to make you think I am truly remorseful and want to change. I also plan to separate you from anyone or anything you love, just in case you decide to try to end it with me.'

It would have saved me 8 years had he done so but sadly, people like that know how to manipulate you, and the signs are so subtle at first it's easy to miss them until its too late. Anyone judging someone because they got into (and out of) and abusive relationship has NO idea what it's like and should keep their ignorance to themselves.
by Anonymous 13 on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:14 AM
Nope, because I'm there now!!

He's not physically abusive, but he's still abusive! I've tried to get away. Sadly he IS the police. I've gone to IA, and they're forcing him to get mental help or he loses his job, and his job is the only thing he loves!
by Gold Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:14 AM
Nope. I've been there. Not fun.
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