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Do you judge women who have abusive exs?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

i want to know the truth so go anon if you want, i had an abusive ex, i had his child, hes not around i left him as soon i could. i used to literally run away from him when he wasnt looking, but he always chased after me and physically brought me back, he made it so i was unable to be near a phone to call the police.

i do not like to tell people this and i get worried when people fnd out because i feel like they are judging me, do you judge women who have been in an abusive relationship?

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 21, 2013 at 10:57 AM
Replies (41-50):
by Anonymous 14 on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:15 AM
I don't want to but I do... Only when I keep hearing "he did this to me again for 20th time this week" and expect people to act normal and not help... I've never been in a physically abusive relationship... But I promised myself and my mother that one hit and I'm gone... I don't care about therapy or trying to work it out... but I guess it's common that men groom women to be weakened and feel as though they truly have no way out.
by Bronze Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:16 AM

no because you never know the situation

by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:16 AM
Not as long as they keep them exes and are smart enough to stay away from men like that. But women who continue to stay in an abusive situation or keep finding abusive men, yes. I find those women weak.
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by Pagan Mother on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:17 AM

No, I don't. I have an extremely abusive ex. I was only 17 when we got together. I was young and dumb and didn't see the warning signs, or even know what the warning signs were, before I married him.

When I hear a woman has an abusive ex, I think how much courage she had to make him an EX

by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:18 AM

I dont judge women who get out of abusive relationships. But I have a hard time with women who stay in abusive relationships and who purposefully have kids with the guy ( obviously, if she is pregnant before he starts being abusive thats totally different)

by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:19 AM

No. I try not to judge people period. I don't know all of the details of their lives and even if I did, who put me on a pedestal that allows me to look down on the people around me and judge them? I'm no better than anyone else.

by Valerie on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:19 AM

Quoting JacksMom1221:

No. But I had one too. It's hard to understand the dynamics of an abusive relationship unless you've been in one. The men isolate their women so you are so alone, nowhere to go. I don't tell people in my real life about it because I'm ashamed too. How can I tell people "Oh, my ex used to sit behind the couch with a gun in one hand and his other wrapped around me holding me in place because he was convinced I had hired people to kill him. Yes he was on drugs but I thought I could save him." Op, feel free to Pm me any time if you want to talk, vent, cry, anything. I've,been there and understand.

People that haven't been there will never understand. These men know what they are doing. Did you ever have the priveledge of having your own family and friends turn on you and be on his side. The abuse for me didn't start until after Iwas already pregnant, and I was told to stay with him and work it out because that was what a good mother would do. I was told that I needed to stay withhim and help him get through his addictions (that he didn't want to work through) and that he would "settle down" eventually. When I finally was able to leave, I moved in with a woman that I met here on cafemom. She literally moved me and my children to another state. She is one of my closest friends and I am forever grateful to her for what she did.

It is still hard to talk about the things he did and the things that I allowed to happen. I've literally listed all of the injuries that he has caused me and I am ashamed that I stayed for so long and amazed that he didn't kill me. Thankfully, I finally got my most visible scar from him fixed (he broke my two front teeth and I was finally able to get them fixed). I had a beautiful smile before I met him and he took that from me. I am so glad that I have that back.

by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:20 AM
I never thought to judge them. But I do think something is not right when a woman or man claims all their exes have beaten them.
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by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:20 AM
I do, and because I had an abusive ex, then I started dating someone and he was abusive. I do judge the woman that complain, but don't do anything to stop the abuse. I for 1 was one those woman. My ex husband was extremely abusive, an I always cried and never left because I was scared. With the other guy, I never left because I got use to the abuse. It stupid for woman to think there is no way out. There is, but we are too scared to do it. Some woman like that drama, and in a weird way feel more comfty in relationships like that.
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by Platinum Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:20 AM
It's so gradual that most women don't realize. In the beginning it's all sweet and nice, they make you feel like you are a queen, so perfect, they build you up, put you on a pedestal. Then get control by being angry over small things, they turn arguments around and make you look bad so you think things are your fault. First they are menacing, then slowly get more violent. My ex only actually hit me one time, and he didn't punch me. But he would hold me down, push me to the ground then dare me to get up, he would tell me how badly he could hurt me. They isolate women by talking badly about their friends and family "your family is insane. How can someone like you come from that awful group of people?!" "She's not really your friend. She's a terrible friend and person. If she were a good friend she would've ______" Most women just want to "fix" things so they go back to the way they used to be when things were good. Most leave multiple times but the guy promises to change so she goes back.

Quoting Anonymous:

I don't judge them but I wonder how they stayed in that relationship when it started getting bad.
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