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Lazy Parenting or Smart Parenting? Added edit.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post



Question: Potty Training


Not actively potty training is lazy.

Letting a child decide for himself/herself when to potty train is smart parenting.

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Total Votes: 804

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This child is mine. 

This picture was taken two months before his third birthday. He is now 3 1/4 years old. 

He isn't potty trained. He still wears pull-ups constantly. He knows how to use a potty, and when he feels like it, he does, but that is a rare occurance.


My mother (who I really do love) says that I am being lazy by not forcing the issue with him. I say that you aren't supposed to force the issue with kids. 


 Edit: Just got back to this post. It really got a lot of responses. Thanks for the helpful advice.

Just want to address one thing. DH and I do talk to DS about potty training a lot. We applaud him when he uses the potty and encourage him to use the potty. He is just the kind of kid that it has to be his idea or he doesn't want to do it. If I take him to the bathroom he won't go, he has to initiate it.

I am planning on switching him to undies at home for now. That will be for a few hours in the evening and on the weekends. When he can show that he can go for a day at home, then I will ask his daycare provider to do undies too. We have tried undies in the past and he has had 3 accidents in a row without going to the potty. She has babies at the daycare too, so I don't want to put all of that on her.

Thanks again. I really did listen and will do undies at home from now on.



EDIT: Daddy was home with him today and put him in big boy undies for the whole day. He stayed dry and clean the whole darn day.


Let's hope this is the start of something amazing!

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 21, 2013 at 8:48 PM
Replies (421-430):
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 3:40 PM
1 mom liked this

 Both of my boys were trained at about 18 months......It's not a matter of force, it's a matter of creating a habit that they stick with.  There's not a shot I would have a 3, 4 5 year old that isn't potty trained yet. 

by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 4:04 PM

There's a difference between encouraging and pushing.  Our son was fully potty trained by his 3rd birthday.  We never pushed him but we did start teaching him about the potty when he was about 1 1/2.  We bought a little potty chair and had it just sitting out for him to sit on.  We started emptying his diapers into the potty when he pooped and let him know that that's where poop goes.  We talked about it, had him watch Potty Time with Elmo, bought him big boy underoos and let him know he could wear them when he decided to start using the potty.  We never yelled or got mad when he had an accident (which was rare anyway).  So he set the pace but we actively encouraged him the whole way.

To me not doing anything is lazy.  Not telling the child about the process, failing to explain to them that using the potty will happen, even if it's not until they're ready.  I mean, it WILL happen, and they need to know that that's the end goal.  It's part of growing up.  But making sure they're not feeling unnecessary pressure isn't lazy on it's own.

by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 4:07 PM

 Other... I think kids can and should be trained by 3.5. I don't think it's lazy before that. I have always potty trained my kids after their third birthday- I think before that is just too young. Why go through the troubles and frustrations of it. If you just wait until they are 3, you can throw them in underwear and have them trained in 3-4 days.

by Anonymous 75 on Jan. 22, 2013 at 4:09 PM

My 5 year old JUST potty-trained fully two months ago, but has to wear pullups at night and still has poop accidents. My 6 year old didn't potty train until her second week of preschool, and it took just a week with her and she had it down. Not a single accident with her, day or night. We let them train themselves and haven't had a problem.

by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 4:09 PM

Let me just tell you my DD is 4 and not potty trained. We are having major issues with potty training her. we've been trying the naked thing today with the potty chair in the living room. She cried and begged for her diapers back and put the potty back in the bathroom. I have tried every known trick in the book and NOTHING. I've talked to her pedia, my therapist, and every other mom I know. NOTHING has worked. She wont even sit on the potty. I'm really starting to get worried. I think it's not lazy parenting to not train them but I do think you should try and encourage/teach them to go. I really wish I knew the answers as to why my DD won't sit on the potty. It's driving me insane.

by Anonymous 76 on Jan. 22, 2013 at 4:10 PM
I think both. You should try periodically until he is ready.
by Silver Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 4:34 PM

I agree with this. At the point you are at OP, it is just laziness on your part and sadly your child's part. There is no need for him to be in pull ups if he knows how to use the bathroom. My youngest was fully PT by the time he was a little over 2. My oldest took a little longer than that, but he has autism though, so he did not grasp the concept for a while. Every child is different and will do it on their own time, but there is a point in which you should not just let it go though.

Quoting Anonymous:

I am all for waiting until your child is ready but if he knows how to go to the bathroom and you don't make him then yes I consider that lazy. I waited until each of my kids were between the ages of 30 and 36 months. They where potty trained within a week no problem I don't think potty traing should take 6 months.

by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 4:37 PM
My sister wasn't pissing herself at 3.

Quoting Anonymous:

Lol and you're giving advice on potty training? Nice.

Quoting Kaya529:

DS is one and my only child but I also raised my sister.

Quoting alexsmomaubrys2:

How old are your kids now?

Quoting Kaya529:

It doesn't teach them boundaries. It is the reason kids act the way they do. They walk all over parents and throw temper tantrums even as adults when they don't get their way. In the babies group I was told to give up on bed time and just let him do it when he is ready. I decided to try some different things. I watched his natural pattern in order to choose the bedtime. Then I got him the dreamlights which he loved. I also switched playtime and bathtime because playtime was making him rambunctious. He goes to sleep everynight now for the whole night without a problem. While they are still rocking their babies to sleep and complaining about them not sleeping well.

Quoting alexsmomaubrys2:

It's about giving your child control over their own bodies. It will help them develop appropriate boundaries as they get older.

Quoting Kaya529:

Then try something different. In Europe most children are trained way before this point. I blame the baby led programming. Of course this is assuming the child has no medical issues or disabilities. Try a reward system, timeouts, etc... If something doesn't work than find another way. Children get comfortable wearing diapers and its easier than using the toilet so unless you encourage them they probably won't do it on their own.

Quoting Anonymous:

I tell him what to do and he follows directions. 

I have put him on the potty many times, and nothing happens. I can't MAKE him go to the bathroom. 

I have two older children. One potty trained when she was 2 the other trained when he was 3.5. 

Quoting Kaya529:

I think your a little confused on how this parent/child relationship thing works.

You are in charge, not the child. Your job is to lead him in the right direction. Right now he is dictating how you do things. Do you wait till he feels like picking up his toys too?

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by Anonymous 77 on Jan. 22, 2013 at 4:43 PM

I think that at his age, it is lazy. If was 2 or 2 1/2 I would say go with the flow, but he is over 3. It is time to start actively working at it. 

by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 5:09 PM
My son turned 3 in November and is not fully potty trained, he refuses to go poo on the potty. I've tried every trick in the book, we have done the run naked thing, he will go in the floor. We are slowly making progress, but I have been trying with him since before he was 1 year old. So I don't think its lazy, some kids just take longer.
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