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Lazy Parenting or Smart Parenting? Added edit.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post



Question: Potty Training


Not actively potty training is lazy.

Letting a child decide for himself/herself when to potty train is smart parenting.

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Total Votes: 804

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This child is mine. 

This picture was taken two months before his third birthday. He is now 3 1/4 years old. 

He isn't potty trained. He still wears pull-ups constantly. He knows how to use a potty, and when he feels like it, he does, but that is a rare occurance.


My mother (who I really do love) says that I am being lazy by not forcing the issue with him. I say that you aren't supposed to force the issue with kids. 


 Edit: Just got back to this post. It really got a lot of responses. Thanks for the helpful advice.

Just want to address one thing. DH and I do talk to DS about potty training a lot. We applaud him when he uses the potty and encourage him to use the potty. He is just the kind of kid that it has to be his idea or he doesn't want to do it. If I take him to the bathroom he won't go, he has to initiate it.

I am planning on switching him to undies at home for now. That will be for a few hours in the evening and on the weekends. When he can show that he can go for a day at home, then I will ask his daycare provider to do undies too. We have tried undies in the past and he has had 3 accidents in a row without going to the potty. She has babies at the daycare too, so I don't want to put all of that on her.

Thanks again. I really did listen and will do undies at home from now on.



EDIT: Daddy was home with him today and put him in big boy undies for the whole day. He stayed dry and clean the whole darn day.


Let's hope this is the start of something amazing!

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 21, 2013 at 8:48 PM
Replies (31-40):
by Silver Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 9:00 PM
I've been there...I feel u gotta give em and keep encouraging but also there's no way to.force a kid... my 1st a boy took til he.was 3.5 still at almsot 8 wears overnight pull up
.. my.second a girl was potty trained night and day at 24 months. .. crazy... the boy I tried my hardest with the girl did it all almost by herself lol.
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by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 9:00 PM
1 mom liked this

I run an in-home child care myself, and the "deal" with potty training is that I ask the parents to start the process at home over a vacation week that the kiddos are home with them (or at the very least a long weekend)... Then, from there I have them detail their "course of action", does the child get rewards for using the potty?  Do they have a training potty or do they use the regular potty?  And then I can take it from there and help stay consistent at my house with what they are doing at home.  I have always had success with that, but I always leave it up to the parents to get the ball rolling; I am not going to potty train your child for you, but I am more than happy to help you in the process!

Quoting Anonymous:

He goes to an in-home daycare full-time, so I can't expect her to deal with soiled underwear. But I guess I could put him in underwear at home.

Quoting smalltownmom03:

Why would he choose to use the toilet when you allow him to wear diapers?

by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 9:01 PM
Forcing potty training is not emotionally healthy. Child led training is much healthier. Using the toilet is one of the only things a child can actually control.Taking that away damages their sense of control.
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by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 9:01 PM

I don't think it's lazy, but yous should try to maybe let him wear underwear when he is at home. 

by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 9:01 PM

I never pushed it with my kids but by that age both were fully potty trained, the girl did it all on her own though i never had to help her, she never use a potty she went right to a big toilet!

We never used pull ups, when they started showing signs of being ready i put them in underwear and yes there were accidents but we dont have carpet so its no big deal

by Anonymous 7 on Jan. 21, 2013 at 9:01 PM
Making him doesnt always work. Ds has encropesis. He 'holds' his bowels to the point of constipating himself. Then he has an accident. When a child doesnt want to use the potty nothing on earth wll make them. I know that now....

Quoting faire_jour:

If he knows how to do it, MAKE HIM. Pull ups are bad. 

I would be ashamed if my child was 3 and not potty trained.

by Emerald Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 9:01 PM

You can't force it but you can encourage it. By 3 1/4, he is old enough that he should be at least close to potty training. 

He isn't going to just "chose" to use the potty. He's never done it before. Going to the potty in his pants is what he has done his whole life. He won't know any better unless he is taught.

by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 9:01 PM
I think your a little confused on how this parent/child relationship thing works.

You are in charge, not the child. Your job is to lead him in the right direction. Right now he is dictating how you do things. Do you wait till he feels like picking up his toys too?
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by Ruby Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 9:01 PM

I think like many things there is a happy medium.  We decide that at 2 we start encouraging the potty, talking about it, letting them watch us go, and trying to read their signals and get them on the potty here and there.  We also decide that at 3, they  get underwear and pull-ups are only for overnight.  But that's where the "forcing" stops.  We try not to make a big deal over accidents, and take our cues from them when they're ready to make progress.  I think forcing and making a big deal can cause shame and intimidation issues. 

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 21, 2013 at 9:02 PM

He goes to an in-home daycare. She has asked him before if he wants to use the potty at her house, and he doesn't. She said once we get the ball moving at home she will support whatever we ask her to do at daycare. I haven't asked her to do much, because we haven't had much success at home.

Quoting addiecakesmommy:

Is the day care provider not willing to help with potty training?? When I was potty training DD I let the day care teachers know and then I had my parents watch her for a week so she could get a lot of 1 on 1 time with learning how it all goes.

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