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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I don't know if I love my husband anymore or am I a bitch?

Posted by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:24 PM
  • 20 Replies

OK,  I sometimes feel like I have no emotional connection with my husband. The truth is I want to but lately it doesn't seem to exist.  He's a hard worker and has a very physically demanding job and I'm a stay at home homeschooling mom to our daughter. I respect what he does but I don't think it means he has the right to be such a lazy bum when he gets home. I don't expect him to do dishes or chores, that's my job as a stay at home mom, but does he need to leave shit lying around all over when I just busted my butt all day cleaning and teaching our daughter? He constantly orders me around when he gets home, "Hey! Grab me a soda... Hey! Grab me a q-tip... Hey! Grab me a (whatever the hell it is)..." SERIOUSLY!!! Get up and freaking grab it yourself!!!! You're 30 years old and have two legs and 90% of the time you're closer to whatever it is you want than I am.  Plus I think I'm totally sexually deprived which is not helping my situation. I feel so bitchy all the time. Yet I try not to show it. But inside I'm boiling mad. I'm 28 and at my sexual peak and he's slowing down and I swear this laziness of his is taking over our sex life. When we do, it's just wham bam thank you maam. Would it kill him to kiss me or try to Don Juan it a little? Geez, it starts to make you feel like a piece of meat. And I can admit, this is partially my fault. I babied him for years and now when I've had enough, if I start to show some hostility, I'm the big bitch. Now, when I see him I almost have no desire whatsoever. I give up...  Errrg... Sorry I'm kinda venting but I can't stand it anymore. What to do??? angry

by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lyviasmom
by Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:33 PM

BUMP!

AdryF
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:37 PM
1 mom liked this
Does he know how you feel? I would be honest espically about the sex part. Maybe he is comfortable and doesn't realize he is doing it. Oh, and no I don't think your being a bitch. :)
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frzmamaof4
by Silver Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:41 PM
1 mom liked this
Talk to him more about your issues with him, hopefully it'll work if he sees how upset you are. Good luck mama:-)
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zetajen
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:45 PM
1 mom liked this

he isn't a mind reader. Talk to him. tell him what your expectations are of him. I would start with leaving things around the house. tell him that needs to change and you are going to help remind him and help him to break that habit. He needs to understand how much it frustrates you and agree that this needs to change. Next, start saying no. babe, grab me a soda. You say, I am busy or if you are sitting next to him, say I am not your mother. get it yourself.

and about sex. set up a date night and tell him what you want. if you want him to bring you flowers, tell him. whatever you want as foreplay, tell him. if he loves you, then he will want to do this for you. I can understand being to exhausted to have hour long sexcapades every night, but on special date nights, you both should be able to put in some effort.

and just to keep it fair, ask him what he would like too.

lyviasmom
by Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:49 PM
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He's not much into talking. I did mention to him the other night that I was hoping to have sex especially since our daughter was at my parents for the night. And he says "Yeah I was too, but it's late." And we went to bed. Plus, we went out to eat and he gets horrible heartburn. I've been pestering him to go to the doctor and get something for it but he refuses. He claims he just needs to lose some weight and it'll get better. He's not  really fat but could probably lose a couple pounds. Not enough to make our sex life no existant. So I very kindly tried to say that we should try to get into better shape because I can't stand not having sex. The only way I could explain it to him was to have him imagine what it was like being 18 and his hormones raging and having me roll over and say "not tonight". It seemed to resonate because he started holding me a little but nothing more than that. I'm crossing my fingers.


LovelyMommy24
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:50 PM
2 moms liked this
Talk to him and instead of getting angry just laugh at him. Tell him to get his own soda as you're laughing, it'll lighten the mood. If he still doesn't get it start doing it to him. As soon as he walks in the door holler at him to get you some soda!
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lyviasmom
by Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 1:00 PM

There was one time that I tried ask for a little romance and he told me that romance makes him uncomfortable. I mentioned he was in the beginning and he says "Yeah, that was before I had you nailed down. I never did like it." I'm like geez, I feel a litlle cheated. I dream of getting those days back but now I know that you never truly felt like that about me. Kinda harsh. 

LavenderMom23
by Bronze Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 1:00 PM
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It can be normal to experience the living with family syndrome where DH feels more like a brother than a spouse at times. But this sounds a little more than that, just slightly. You need to get him to agree to reqular date nights and it doesn't have to be outside the home is getting a sitter is difficult, but relationships need time for nurishment or they angry.

LavenderMom23
by Bronze Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 1:07 PM

Don't expect to go from 0 to 60 so fast. Romance is a pressure word for guys. Just take it slow, do anything together regularly for quality time. Start with a hobby or a movie night basically just anything for starters. Sometimes the little things help increase personal connection and that is a turn on.

Quoting lyviasmom:

There was one time that I tried ask for a little romance and he told me that romance makes him uncomfortable. I mentioned he was in the beginning and he says "Yeah, that was before I had you nailed down. I never did like it." I'm like geez, I feel a litlle cheated. I dream of getting those days back but now I know that you never truly felt like that about me. Kinda harsh. 


lyviasmom
by Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 1:09 PM

I don't think it helps that he's self employed and his cousin who works for him stays at our place during the week. I feel as if I'm fighting for his attention, since he's always having conversations with him and talking about work. I feel like a third wheel. When I do get some alone time, I ask what he's thinking about and it's always logging and work. I would love to have a conversation about something different for a change but it always comes back to work. I try to not acts disinterested, but I guess I do give half hearted answers because it's all the same stuff all the time. I think we need a vacation :)


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