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Is my Mom going too far with my daughter??

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I feel like my mother treats Dd as if we're in a custody agreement with her, which we're not. 

Dd is 2 years old. Let me first state that my mother USUALLY  asks me before she buys things for her. But the issues between my mother and I run deep and they are something i'm going to therapy for. I mean deeeeeep deep issues that I believe start before I was even born.

Ever since Dd was born my mother treats me as if she and I are sharing custody of dd and thats not the case. It once got to a point where I didn't want to see or talk to her for a little over a month and consequently she didn't see dd because of it She has to realize that things are at MY discretion, not hers. After that month she got better but over time she's showing signs of regressing back to that point again.

I feel like she's at THE point in her life where she wanted to be when she was actually raising children. She has a nice house now, the man she wants to be with, the income, etc etc. When she was raising myself and my brother she was with my dad (who did drugs and cheated, he wasn't a bad person though, he just made bad choices, I want to make that PERFECTLY clear), they moved from place to place to place, and they never had any money. To me it seems that she see's Dd as her second chance at parenthood and is trying to exclude me from that. She's doing things with Dd that I feel is MY right to do with her, you know, firsts.

Her latest instance is that she bought Dd a tricycle. This broke my heart because it's something I wanted to do first for Dd and I felt she was too young for it. I planned on getting a tricycle for her third birthday. So I told my mother that I appreciate it but I wanted to teach dd to ride it and asked to take it home. She kind of avoided my request and the tricycle is still at her house.

When I went to get Dd from her house the other night she had dd sit in her tricycle and my mother has been teaching her to ride it when I'm not there! Again, my heart broke because this is something I really really want to be the one to do. Dh agree's with me. 

I'm thinking of insisting on taking the tricycle home with me (so I can continue her education in riding it) and if she refuses then not allowing dd over there until she gives it to me. Am I being ridiculous??

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:34 PM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:53 PM
4 moms liked this

Sounds to me like you are jealous..............

BabySocks0912
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:54 PM
All i can say is limit time with grandma if it bothers you.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:54 PM

lol do you REALLY want to know??

Quoting Anonymous:

Your issues with your mother started before you were born? How does that work?



On the tricycle issue, I think you are being ridiculous. You didnt buy it, you dont get to demand it goes home with you...



Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:55 PM
Mine are the same way. I was an idiot and did not realize until later that they where actually trying to take her away. My mom asked for temp. Custody and when I said no, I guess she was going to try to take her away. She got so angry when I told her it's not her kid. But I have my child, and she is happy and I am mom! I don't know why she thought she was hers but she really overstepped in allot of stuff.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:55 PM
If she is disrespecting your wishes don't allow her alone time with your daughter! You will never get those moments back with YOUR child.
robyann
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:56 PM
3 moms liked this

 Well I'm a gma and I do see your mom's side. A child can never have too much love. Some grandparents can seem to over step the boundaries, but it's only out of love for the child. Your dd and her gma will have a very close loving relationship. Unless your mom is harming your child, I don't think you should stop their time together. That relationship will be good for your dd. Would you be upset if your dd's father taught her how to ride a tricycle? I understand the parents are #1 but if the grandparents love the child and want to be involved in their lives, they are a very close 2nd.

Now I do know that this is just based on the few paragraphs you wrote about this issue, there could be more to it. My answer is just based on what you've said here.

typingMom to 6~MawMaw to 9 & counting!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:56 PM

She should have asked me first if she could buy it. She just did it! Tricycles are a big deal, what's next? Is she gonna get her first bicycle? Her first bra? where does it end??

Quoting Anonymous:

Your issues with your mother started before you were born? How does that work?



On the tricycle issue, I think you are being ridiculous. You didnt buy it, you dont get to demand it goes home with you...



datwins
by Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:57 PM

no i dont think so my mother in law is the same way only thing is she dont take my kids but she loves to tell me whats right and wrong for them and she lives in  town so she isn't even around. she is your kid not hers. i want some much needed time away from my mother in low but my husband wont. it is so bad if were going somewhere like for the holidays she will come over and pic what she wants them to were and if they have clothes in the closet that the size dont fit them but i know they do she will start going threw all there clothes and donating them. so i guess im in the same situation so i cant give advice. can some one help me to.lol

PhoenixsMommy10
by Gold Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:58 PM
1 mom liked this
I think the tricycle issue is petty, but it's obvious that the underlying issues are the real problem.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 11 on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:59 PM



Quoting Anonymous:


I feel like my mother treats Dd as if we're in a custody agreement with her, which we're not. 

Dd is 2 years old. Let me first state that my mother USUALLY  asks me before she buys things for her. But the issues between my mother and I run deep and they are something i'm going to therapy for. I mean deeeeeep deep issues that I believe start before I was even born.

Ever since Dd was born my mother treats me as if she and I are sharing custody of dd and thats not the case. It once got to a point where I didn't want to see or talk to her for a little over a month and consequently she didn't see dd because of it She has to realize that things are at MY discretion, not hers. After that month she got better but over time she's showing signs of regressing back to that point again.

I feel like she's at THE point in her life where she wanted to be when she was actually raising children. She has a nice house now, the man she wants to be with, the income, etc etc. When she was raising myself and my brother she was with my dad (who did drugs and cheated, he wasn't a bad person though, he just made bad choices, I want to make that PERFECTLY clear), they moved from place to place to place, and they never had any money. To me it seems that she see's Dd as her second chance at parenthood and is trying to exclude me from that. She's doing things with Dd that I feel is MY right to do with her, you know, firsts.

Her latest instance is that she bought Dd a tricycle. This broke my heart because it's something I wanted to do first for Dd and I felt she was too young for it. I planned on getting a tricycle for her third birthday. So I told my mother that I appreciate it but I wanted to teach dd to ride it and asked to take it home. She kind of avoided my request and the tricycle is still at her house.

When I went to get Dd from her house the other night she had dd sit in her tricycle and my mother has been teaching her to ride it when I'm not there! Again, my heart broke because this is something I really really want to be the one to do. Dh agree's with me. 

I'm thinking of insisting on taking the tricycle home with me (so I can continue her education in riding it) and if she refuses then not allowing dd over there until she gives it to me. Am I being ridiculous??

I know exactly what you mean (at least I think I do). You feel as if your mother is kind of usurping your daughter. My mom is the same way, she overrides me constantly it drives me nuts.


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