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Is my Mom going too far with my daughter??

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I feel like my mother treats Dd as if we're in a custody agreement with her, which we're not. 

Dd is 2 years old. Let me first state that my mother USUALLY  asks me before she buys things for her. But the issues between my mother and I run deep and they are something i'm going to therapy for. I mean deeeeeep deep issues that I believe start before I was even born.

Ever since Dd was born my mother treats me as if she and I are sharing custody of dd and thats not the case. It once got to a point where I didn't want to see or talk to her for a little over a month and consequently she didn't see dd because of it She has to realize that things are at MY discretion, not hers. After that month she got better but over time she's showing signs of regressing back to that point again.

I feel like she's at THE point in her life where she wanted to be when she was actually raising children. She has a nice house now, the man she wants to be with, the income, etc etc. When she was raising myself and my brother she was with my dad (who did drugs and cheated, he wasn't a bad person though, he just made bad choices, I want to make that PERFECTLY clear), they moved from place to place to place, and they never had any money. To me it seems that she see's Dd as her second chance at parenthood and is trying to exclude me from that. She's doing things with Dd that I feel is MY right to do with her, you know, firsts.

Her latest instance is that she bought Dd a tricycle. This broke my heart because it's something I wanted to do first for Dd and I felt she was too young for it. I planned on getting a tricycle for her third birthday. So I told my mother that I appreciate it but I wanted to teach dd to ride it and asked to take it home. She kind of avoided my request and the tricycle is still at her house.

When I went to get Dd from her house the other night she had dd sit in her tricycle and my mother has been teaching her to ride it when I'm not there! Again, my heart broke because this is something I really really want to be the one to do. Dh agree's with me. 

I'm thinking of insisting on taking the tricycle home with me (so I can continue her education in riding it) and if she refuses then not allowing dd over there until she gives it to me. Am I being ridiculous??

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:34 PM
Replies (321-322):
by Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 7:47 AM

Have you stopped to think that maybe what you might be more upset with is that she's taking the time to do these things with your DD when she didn't get the chance to do these things with you?? 

Maybe talk to her and ask her if you both can't share these moments together since she missed them with you!! That way you can both build the bond that's been missing from the beginning from what I'm getting.

Meanwhile, get another tricycle for your DD to use at home so you can both have time together with her doing this!! Remember there will come a time when DD will be learning how to ride a bicycle as well.

Don't make your DD the reason for more issues between you and your Mom, you can utilize the love you both have for her to bring you closer together. 

by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 9:24 AM

I know how you feel. My mother-in-law is the same way. Here's my opinion. Its your child, you gave birth to her, you raise her everyday. Your mother needs to respect what you say or stop letting your child over there. When my son was little my mother-in-law had no respect for what I wanted for my son and because of it, she didn't see him for 3 months. She learned. And everytime she started acting stupid again, I just wouldn't take my son to see her.

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