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SAHM gets lack of help from Husband

My husband works as a Bartender and I am a stay at home mom, I have a 6 year old daughter and me and my hubby have a 3 year old son. My husband works from 4 to 11 5 nights a week and sometimes even longer shifts (open to close on some weekends). I swear he thinks staying at home with the kids is a piece of cake. I get so frustrated at him because on his days off he is tired and hardly helps. Most of the time on his work days our son is still up, and he does help with getting him into bed. but on his days off its like pulling teeth to get a little help at all. I do dishes every day, laundry everyday.. and our son.. he crys and crys for his dad. Just a few days ago I got a stomach bug, the husband worked a double the next day and I had both the kids all day, the following morning (a day he was off) I begged him to get up with the children and he never did. I being weak and sick did it all. And when I try to talk to him about it, I get the cold shoulder. I get so upset, I don't know how to talk about it without getting emotional and just plain mad. Today he told me that he watched our son while I took my daughters books and exchanged them at the libary, so he don't understand what I'm talking about when I say I never get a break. He also reminded me that the day after new years he watched both kids for an hour while I took our christmas tree to my moms for storage. Now don't get me wrong, I love him so much and sometimes we get out of the house and have a great time.. he loves the kids. He works hard so we can afford for me to stay home with the kids.. I just wish I could make him understand that my 24/7 job is hard. I don't get days off.. I feel like his days off work, he should try to help me more. Please help!
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by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 8:55 PM
Replies (21-30):
lilmom71
by Bronze Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 9:40 PM
3 moms liked this


Quoting la-cosa-nostra:

Do you help pay the bills?

Ok then.....

What a snide comment!  Actually her staying home saves on daycare cost and just because she is at home doesn't mean she should have to do everything.

LilliesValley
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 9:42 PM
I'm not technically a sahm because I work pt but my hubby works two jobs from 7-10 and he still helps me. He will do laundry, dishwasher whatever. I have fibro and other conditions but if somethings not done he just does it. That's kind of our motto, and nikes. LOL.
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mcclainprincess
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 9:43 PM
1 mom liked this
I know how you feel. I was like this when i was a sahm. And my ex husband refused to help because he was just so tired when he came home everyday. I also went to school full time. To put things in perspective for you, i am now a single mom, i work about sixty hours a week. I do have messes to clean since i have two cats and my sons friends come over when i get home, he's six. I've learned that some things can wait. When i need a break, we get one. I order out, dishes do not get done., laundry stays in the baskets, etc. we do homework, family time first. Chores can wait. Don't stress yourself out. And if your husband notices that some things don't get done, let him know your tired and it would be great if he just helped out some. Gl.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Jan. 22, 2013 at 9:45 PM
bump
Lalalie
by Gold Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 9:45 PM

I can understand him wanting to relax, or catch up on sleep on his days off.

When he works he's at work, while you're at home. Though you may do a lot (I'm not saying that you don't) you also get to do it in the comfort of your home, and get to set your own schedule of things with the children.

I would expect him to help a little, but ... I don't know. I wouldn't want to work at home, and at work.

I guess since I don't do the stay at home stuff I just don't get it, or have the empathy for it. Sorry.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Jan. 22, 2013 at 9:57 PM
5 moms liked this

 

Quoting Anonymous:

Do you go to his job and help him out when he's tired, or sick, or feels over whelmed?

 Seriously??! He has co-workers, bosses, etc.

This is how I view it. SAHM is 24/7. Most mothers, if they work outside the home, still have to come home and do most if not all housework. We don't get to hang up the mommy hat or wife hat ever. Why should those men get off easy, merely because they may be bringing home money?

That aggrivates me. My SO is expected to work outside the home full-time. When he comes home, he is coming home to his other job. His job as a parent and a partner. I expect him to pull his weight! No, I don't expect him to scrub the house spotless. But SOME chores as well as clean up after himself and help me take care of the children! If I am ill, I expect him to pull his weight. He gets to call in sick. I don't! If he is home, I expect him to take over so I can get well.

Jesus. Some of you ladies blow my mind. If her husband was as lazy as he is at his second job... he would be fired. How is his job at home any different? Sigh!

 

And she may not be working a job and bringing in money, but she is saving him money, work, and time. SO that is worth something!

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Jan. 22, 2013 at 9:59 PM
1 mom liked this

Damn right!! Tell em girl!!

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting Anonymous:

Do you go to his job and help him out when he's tired, or sick, or feels over whelmed?

 Seriously??! He has co-workers, bosses, etc.

This is how I view it. SAHM is 24/7. Most mothers, if they work outside the home, still have to come home and do most if not all housework. We don't get to hang up the mommy hat or wife hat ever. Why should those men get off easy, merely because they may be bringing home money?

That aggrivates me. My SO is expected to work outside the home full-time. When he comes home, he is coming home to his other job. His job as a parent and a partner. I expect him to pull his weight! No, I don't expect him to scrub the house spotless. But SOME chores as well as clean up after himself and help me take care of the children! If I am ill, I expect him to pull his weight. He gets to call in sick. I don't! If he is home, I expect him to take over so I can get well.

Jesus. Some of you ladies blow my mind. If her husband was as lazy as he is at his second job... he would be fired. How is his job at home any different? Sigh!


And she may not be working a job and bringing in money, but she is saving him money, work, and time. SO that is worth something!



jellybeanjean
by Platinum Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:00 PM

seriously this is probably the only way to do it. I only get a break if i leave the house. It kinds sucks, but  you need to get out right? I know I do =)

Quoting MommyBoha:

when he is home, leave. Let him do the housework, kids and all that. My DH works his ass off and helps out at home. 4 people live in the house and 4 people will help clean it. Im not a maid, Im a wife and a mom.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:01 PM



Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting Anonymous:

Do you go to his job and help him out when he's tired, or sick, or feels over whelmed?

 Seriously??! He has co-workers, bosses, etc.

This is how I view it. SAHM is 24/7. Most mothers, if they work outside the home, still have to come home and do most if not all housework. We don't get to hang up the mommy hat or wife hat ever. Why should those men get off easy, merely because they may be bringing home money?

That aggrivates me. My SO is expected to work outside the home full-time. When he comes home, he is coming home to his other job. His job as a parent and a partner. I expect him to pull his weight! No, I don't expect him to scrub the house spotless. But SOME chores as well as clean up after himself and help me take care of the children! If I am ill, I expect him to pull his weight. He gets to call in sick. I don't! If he is home, I expect him to take over so I can get well.

Jesus. Some of you ladies blow my mind. If her husband was as lazy as he is at his second job... he would be fired. How is his job at home any different? Sigh!


And she may not be working a job and bringing in money, but she is saving him money, work, and time. SO that is worth something!


Sure he has a boss and coworkers.  He's also on someone elses time and dime.  He doesn't do what he want when he wants. He doesn't get to choose what parts of his job he feels like doing and which ones he doesn't. He doesn't get to piss, eat, sit down, play on CM when he wants to either. If you've ever worked a full time job you know that you aren't on your own time, that your not working on their time in their way gets you unemployed. If a SAHM doesn't vaccuum one day she isn't going to be fired.    What bullshit, she saves him money by not working. If she were working there would be more money coming in and it balances out. Unless she's only qualified for low wage jobs. 

mcclainprincess
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:02 PM
1 mom liked this
A lot of the women here truly feel as if anything that deals with the home is their job. Their husbands only work and bring in the money. And they work so hard that's pretty much all they're capable of all day long. I think they got it pretty easy. I'd love to work and come home to do nothing and watch my stressed out partner do every Fucking chore that needs to be done while i sit my ass on the couch and flip channels and have dinner served..


Quoting Anonymous:

 


Quoting Anonymous:


Do you go to his job and help him out when he's tired, or sick, or feels over whelmed?


 Seriously??! He has co-workers, bosses, etc.


This is how I view it. SAHM is 24/7. Most mothers, if they work outside the home, still have to come home and do most if not all housework. We don't get to hang up the mommy hat or wife hat ever. Why should those men get off easy, merely because they may be bringing home money?


That aggrivates me. My SO is expected to work outside the home full-time. When he comes home, he is coming home to his other job. His job as a parent and a partner. I expect him to pull his weight! No, I don't expect him to scrub the house spotless. But SOME chores as well as clean up after himself and help me take care of the children! If I am ill, I expect him to pull his weight. He gets to call in sick. I don't! If he is home, I expect him to take over so I can get well.


Jesus. Some of you ladies blow my mind. If her husband was as lazy as he is at his second job... he would be fired. How is his job at home any different? Sigh!


 


And she may not be working a job and bringing in money, but she is saving him money, work, and time. SO that is worth something!


 


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