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SAHM gets lack of help from Husband

My husband works as a Bartender and I am a stay at home mom, I have a 6 year old daughter and me and my hubby have a 3 year old son. My husband works from 4 to 11 5 nights a week and sometimes even longer shifts (open to close on some weekends). I swear he thinks staying at home with the kids is a piece of cake. I get so frustrated at him because on his days off he is tired and hardly helps. Most of the time on his work days our son is still up, and he does help with getting him into bed. but on his days off its like pulling teeth to get a little help at all. I do dishes every day, laundry everyday.. and our son.. he crys and crys for his dad. Just a few days ago I got a stomach bug, the husband worked a double the next day and I had both the kids all day, the following morning (a day he was off) I begged him to get up with the children and he never did. I being weak and sick did it all. And when I try to talk to him about it, I get the cold shoulder. I get so upset, I don't know how to talk about it without getting emotional and just plain mad. Today he told me that he watched our son while I took my daughters books and exchanged them at the libary, so he don't understand what I'm talking about when I say I never get a break. He also reminded me that the day after new years he watched both kids for an hour while I took our christmas tree to my moms for storage. Now don't get me wrong, I love him so much and sometimes we get out of the house and have a great time.. he loves the kids. He works hard so we can afford for me to stay home with the kids.. I just wish I could make him understand that my 24/7 job is hard. I don't get days off.. I feel like his days off work, he should try to help me more. Please help!
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by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 8:55 PM
Replies (31-40):
shay0810
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:04 PM
This.. Except we have 3 kids. Do I get frustrated? Yup! Do I feel tied down sometimes? Absolutely! But I am thankful for all dh does so I CAN stay home. :)


Quoting SoKamele:

 I've got nothing for you. My hubby works his butt off so I can stay at home with our son. I don't ask him to do anything much.....meaning very little.


He does what he can.......when he can.


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Kaelaasmom
by Katie on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:05 PM

 Sorry, I have no advice. My husband is so helpful, sometimes it gives me a headache. I can't imagine him not helping in any way he could.

CafeMom Tickers
Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:05 PM

Maybe you should sit him down and talk to him and go over things... Figure out something that will work for both of you...

mcclainprincess
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:06 PM
1 mom liked this
She is his wife. Not his maid,.chef,.personal assistant... She deserves some time as well. What is so difficult about getting up and ding a load of laundry? Washing some dishes? She's not asking for him to detail the house ffs.. Just common courtesy. He can do something simple. He just doesn't want to.


Quoting Anonymous:




Quoting Anonymous:



Quoting Anonymous:


Do you go to his job and help him out when he's tired, or sick, or feels over whelmed?


 Seriously??! He has co-workers, bosses, etc.


This is how I view it. SAHM is 24/7. Most mothers, if they work outside the home, still have to come home and do most if not all housework. We don't get to hang up the mommy hat or wife hat ever. Why should those men get off easy, merely because they may be bringing home money?


That aggrivates me. My SO is expected to work outside the home full-time. When he comes home, he is coming home to his other job. His job as a parent and a partner. I expect him to pull his weight! No, I don't expect him to scrub the house spotless. But SOME chores as well as clean up after himself and help me take care of the children! If I am ill, I expect him to pull his weight. He gets to call in sick. I don't! If he is home, I expect him to take over so I can get well.


Jesus. Some of you ladies blow my mind. If her husband was as lazy as he is at his second job... he would be fired. How is his job at home any different? Sigh!




And she may not be working a job and bringing in money, but she is saving him money, work, and time. SO that is worth something!




Sure he has a boss and coworkers.  He's also on someone elses time and dime.  He doesn't do what he want when he wants. He doesn't get to choose what parts of his job he feels like doing and which ones he doesn't. He doesn't get to piss, eat, sit down, play on CM when he wants to either. If you've ever worked a full time job you know that you aren't on your own time, that your not working on their time in their way gets you unemployed. If a SAHM doesn't vaccuum one day she isn't going to be fired.    What bullshit, she saves him money by not working. If she were working there would be more money coming in and it balances out. Unless she's only qualified for low wage jobs. 


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Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:06 PM
I'm pregnant and run a daycare out of our home and I think its a piece of cake...sorry I'm no help
moneysaver6
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:06 PM
1 mom liked this
See. This is what she gets for wearing her wedding ring while getting an x-ray.

Wait. Wrong post.

Move along. Nothing to see here...


Quoting catrig:

Tie him up and beat him into submission?

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Anonymous
by Anonymous 11 on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:06 PM

I agree.  Must be nice.  All you sanctimommies bashing the OP need to put on your capes and save the world somewhere else.  He should at the very least clean up after himself, FFS.  


Quoting MHarrington8705:

My husband works as a Bartender and I am a stay at home mom, I have a 6 year old daughter and me and my hubby have a 3 year old son. My husband works from 4 to 11 5 nights a week and sometimes even longer shifts (open to close on some weekends). I swear he thinks staying at home with the kids is a piece of cake. I get so frustrated at him because on his days off he is tired and hardly helps. Most of the time on his work days our son is still up, and he does help with getting him into bed. but on his days off its like pulling teeth to get a little help at all. I do dishes every day, laundry everyday.. and our son.. he crys and crys for his dad. Just a few days ago I got a stomach bug, the husband worked a double the next day and I had both the kids all day, the following morning (a day he was off) I begged him to get up with the children and he never did. I being weak and sick did it all. And when I try to talk to him about it, I get the cold shoulder. I get so upset, I don't know how to talk about it without getting emotional and just plain mad. Today he told me that he watched our son while I took my daughters books and exchanged them at the libary, so he don't understand what I'm talking about when I say I never get a break. He also reminded me that the day after new years he watched both kids for an hour while I took our christmas tree to my moms for storage. Now don't get me wrong, I love him so much and sometimes we get out of the house and have a great time.. he loves the kids. He works hard so we can afford for me to stay home with the kids.. I just wish I could make him understand that my 24/7 job is hard. I don't get days off.. I feel like his days off work, he should try to help me more. Please help!



DevinAnnesmom
by Sarah on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:07 PM
1 mom liked this
Sounds like we have very similar lives. I have 3 kids and am a sahm. My husband works 5 days a week 7-5 and then Saturday 8-noon. On his day off and after work I have to BEG him and nag him to help me. It's ridiculous, but it's a LOT more common than you'd think it is.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 12 on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:08 PM

I feel for you.  I am sure there are going to be some women on here to say it's your job to do everything all the time and that is bs.  NO ONE should have to do EVERYTHING ALL the time.  EVERYONE deserves a break.  It's how you stay sane.

My dh works nights.  He works 4 days a week 10-12 hour shifts.  He is pretty much the same way.  I do everything on the days he works, fine.  But when he isn't he should be sharing the responsibility of the household and the kids.  A man needs to do more than go to work.  For anyone that thinks they know better, talk to a therapist.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 13 on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:08 PM

Welcome to motherhood....we all know it's not far that a mother's job is 24/7, even if she works outside the home she still comes home and has to do most of the same work. What can ya do though? We do it because it has to be done, we are the care-givers.

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