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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

SAHM gets lack of help from Husband

My husband works as a Bartender and I am a stay at home mom, I have a 6 year old daughter and me and my hubby have a 3 year old son. My husband works from 4 to 11 5 nights a week and sometimes even longer shifts (open to close on some weekends). I swear he thinks staying at home with the kids is a piece of cake. I get so frustrated at him because on his days off he is tired and hardly helps. Most of the time on his work days our son is still up, and he does help with getting him into bed. but on his days off its like pulling teeth to get a little help at all. I do dishes every day, laundry everyday.. and our son.. he crys and crys for his dad. Just a few days ago I got a stomach bug, the husband worked a double the next day and I had both the kids all day, the following morning (a day he was off) I begged him to get up with the children and he never did. I being weak and sick did it all. And when I try to talk to him about it, I get the cold shoulder. I get so upset, I don't know how to talk about it without getting emotional and just plain mad. Today he told me that he watched our son while I took my daughters books and exchanged them at the libary, so he don't understand what I'm talking about when I say I never get a break. He also reminded me that the day after new years he watched both kids for an hour while I took our christmas tree to my moms for storage. Now don't get me wrong, I love him so much and sometimes we get out of the house and have a great time.. he loves the kids. He works hard so we can afford for me to stay home with the kids.. I just wish I could make him understand that my 24/7 job is hard. I don't get days off.. I feel like his days off work, he should try to help me more. Please help!
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by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 8:55 PM
Replies (41-50):
mommy2lexinmark
by Gold Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:10 PM
Yea I feel ya, only dh is working all day mon-fri and 1 sat a month

And I'm pregnant with #6

We just had a big discussion about how he needs to step up more at home, which he agrees, he just forgets, a lot!
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mcclainprincess
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:11 PM
2 moms liked this
It is very common because women have let men believe that all they have to do is work and as long as you can keep your woman at home you shouldn't have to lift a finger once you clock out for the day. After all.. EVERYTHING that happens at home is the womans job..laundry, cooking, cleaning, child rearing, errands, etc are none of the mans concern.. Smh..


Quoting DevinAnnesmom:

Sounds like we have very similar lives. I have 3 kids and am a sahm. My husband works 5 days a week 7-5 and then Saturday 8-noon. On his day off and after work I have to BEG him and nag him to help me. It's ridiculous, but it's a LOT more common than you'd think it is.

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sweetieiv
by Ruby Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:14 PM
So what you are saying is that your husband who works 5 days a week should do house work on his days off? Isn't that a bit hypocritical on your part? Since you complain about not having a day off then perhaps you should find yourself a job so you can have a "break" I was a sahm for 2 years and I never asked my husband to do house work on his days off. I cooked, cleaned, did dishes, laundry, bathed our son, did everything that needs to be done as a sahm and my husband would come home to eat his dinner and relax. I understand your frustration because I too felt that way many times so I went out and found a job. I am very happy now.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:20 PM

Seriously ok, so if they were both working than who would clean up then?? Both need to help out, just because you work doesn't mean your exempt for your home duties SMH...

LiesLiesLies
by Platinum Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:21 PM
I am a SAHM and I do it 100% alone. It's really not hard. I even care for my neighbors foster babies 3 days a week. Still not hard.

That being said...he should help when he can.
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la-cosa-nostra
by Gold Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:22 PM
In that case, I retract my statement. If he's not paying everything, then he can help out around the house.


Quoting MHarrington8705:

Actually I do.. I have a photography business that work part time.




Quoting la-cosa-nostra:

Do you help pay the bills?





Ok then.....


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Anonymous
by Anonymous 14 on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:22 PM
1 mom liked this
Yeah because more money will help her not notice that her husband is lazy? And as far as the low wage positions that you are so disdainful of...those low wage positions are held by the people raising your children while you are off working and feeling like you contribute so much. All you get is more stuff, and the nagging feeling that you missed your children growing up.
I am a sahm with a similar issue, although i may not give my dh all the credit he deserves. But i treat being a sahm as if i am on someone elses dime, and i am very efficient. Meals are planned and prepped ahead of time,laundry is done and put away bills are paid. I spend less time online or even sitting down then most of the people i know on a payroll. Just because he goes to work doesn't mean he gets to skate. He is an adult, has to model good behavior for his son and sometimes you have to do a little extra for the people you love.
i am suprised how arrogant some of you are. Getting a desk job would be a huge break. I would have some time to chill out and think about something that didn't directly affect me.


Quoting Anonymous:




Quoting Anonymous:



Quoting Anonymous:


Do you go to his job and help him out when he's tired, or sick, or feels over whelmed?


 Seriously??! He has co-workers, bosses, etc.


This is how I view it. SAHM is 24/7. Most mothers, if they work outside the home, still have to come home and do most if not all housework. We don't get to hang up the mommy hat or wife hat ever. Why should those men get off easy, merely because they may be bringing home money?


That aggrivates me. My SO is expected to work outside the home full-time. When he comes home, he is coming home to his other job. His job as a parent and a partner. I expect him to pull his weight! No, I don't expect him to scrub the house spotless. But SOME chores as well as clean up after himself and help me take care of the children! If I am ill, I expect him to pull his weight. He gets to call in sick. I don't! If he is home, I expect him to take over so I can get well.


Jesus. Some of you ladies blow my mind. If her husband was as lazy as he is at his second job... he would be fired. How is his job at home any different? Sigh!




And she may not be working a job and bringing in money, but she is saving him money, work, and time. SO that is worth something!




Sure he has a boss and coworkers.  He's also on someone elses time and dime.  He doesn't do what he want when he wants. He doesn't get to choose what parts of his job he feels like doing and which ones he doesn't. He doesn't get to piss, eat, sit down, play on CM when he wants to either. If you've ever worked a full time job you know that you aren't on your own time, that your not working on their time in their way gets you unemployed. If a SAHM doesn't vaccuum one day she isn't going to be fired.    What bullshit, she saves him money by not working. If she were working there would be more money coming in and it balances out. Unless she's only qualified for low wage jobs. 


lilmom71
by Bronze Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:26 PM

Lmao.  I Agree.

Quoting mcclainprincess:

A lot of the women here truly feel as if anything that deals with the home is their job. Their husbands only work and bring in the money. And they work so hard that's pretty much all they're capable of all day long. I think they got it pretty easy. I'd love to work and come home to do nothing and watch my stressed out partner do every Fucking chore that needs to be done while i sit my ass on the couch and flip channels and have dinner served..


Quoting Anonymous:



Quoting Anonymous:


Do you go to his job and help him out when he's tired, or sick, or feels over whelmed?


 Seriously??! He has co-workers, bosses, etc.


This is how I view it. SAHM is 24/7. Most mothers, if they work outside the home, still have to come home and do most if not all housework. We don't get to hang up the mommy hat or wife hat ever. Why should those men get off easy, merely because they may be bringing home money?


That aggrivates me. My SO is expected to work outside the home full-time. When he comes home, he is coming home to his other job. His job as a parent and a partner. I expect him to pull his weight! No, I don't expect him to scrub the house spotless. But SOME chores as well as clean up after himself and help me take care of the children! If I am ill, I expect him to pull his weight. He gets to call in sick. I don't! If he is home, I expect him to take over so I can get well.


Jesus. Some of you ladies blow my mind. If her husband was as lazy as he is at his second job... he would be fired. How is his job at home any different? Sigh!




And she may not be working a job and bringing in money, but she is saving him money, work, and time. SO that is worth something!





la-cosa-nostra
by Gold Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:26 PM
I pay all the bills in my house. That means, when I get home, I'm not doing anything else. That's the price he pays for living for free. He understands that and never asks me for help. If he were the one paying everything, I'd do everything at home. Everyone contributes, there's no resentment or anger in my house. That's all I'm saying.


Quoting lilmom71:


Quoting la-cosa-nostra:

Do you help pay the bills?



Ok then.....

What a snide comment!  Actually her staying home saves on daycare cost and just because she is at home doesn't mean she should have to do everything.


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Anonymous
by Anonymous 15 on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:28 PM
Get over yourself! I do everything around the house and do not ask my dh for help. If I'm staying home while he goes out and busts his ass at work why should I complain and think when he has an off day he should help me do my work around the house? Women that complain about this gets on my nerves. You do understand what SAHM means right?
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