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Shes mad at me for choosing to use the same name as the Baby she miscarried,,,but I don't think I'm in the wrong

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I'm 32 weeks pregnant.
We finally settled on a name.
Evelyn Nicole.
My best friend flipped when i told her the name.

Her: you can NOT use Evelyn.

Me:...what do you mean? That's the name we chose. Of course we can use it. We're naming her after my grandma.

She Started crying and screaming then called me a bitch and stormed off

I called John, her husband to find Out what the hell was going on.

He said that when she had found Out she was pregnant they already had names picked and they chose Evelyn for a girl.

She miscarried at 15 weeks
That was A year and a Half ago.

But she never told me they had already picked names.

My first baby was still born

I understand why she's upset; but I didn't know.

I tried to talk to her and she yelled at me and called me a selfish inconsiderate bitch.

I understand shes hurting but I don't think I did anything wrong or deserve to be treated like this.

I wasn't aware they had picked names. If I had known we wouldn't have gone anywhere near that boundary. But I didn't know, so what was I suppose to do, take every name we liked and run it by her to make sure it was ok?


I know she's hurt, I've been there.
But I don't know what to do now.
I love the name. But I don't want to hurt her even more since now I do know that it's the same name :(
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:58 PM
Replies (31-40):
Diamepphyre
by Ruby Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:13 PM
I agree.

Quoting Jessica_Esqueda:

1- You didn't know she'd picked that name. 

2- It's a family name

3- It was a year and a half ago. 


Name your child Evelynn. She doesn't own rights to the name. Sooner or later, she WILL understand. 

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
NiceMom06
by Gold Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:13 PM
I agree

Quoting Jessica_Esqueda:

1- You didn't know she'd picked that name. 

2- It's a family name

3- It was a year and a half ago. 


Name your child Evelynn. She doesn't own rights to the name. Sooner or later, she WILL understand. 

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
ebbierowe
by Gold Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:14 PM
1 mom liked this
I knew my twins were girls and we lost them at 16 weeks...its possible

OP as much as she is hurt she needs to pit things in perspective. She never told you the name. It isn't fair of her to expect you to not use the name. In the end its up to you but you did nothing wrong.


Quoting babyboy117:

I can see if you KNEW already. She knrw the sex of the baby at 15 weeks though? That's early.
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teddysmama09
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:14 PM
1 mom liked this

 I guess it really comes down to whats more important to you, your friend or the name. I personally feel you're friend is being a tad rediculous, but everyone grieves differently. maybe she just can't handle being a part of a childs life with that name as it would be a constant reminder of the life she lost. She may be affraid that seeing your future Facebook updates such as "Baby Evelyn is Here" or "Evelyn took her first steps!!" may bring back a pain she wants to forget. 

I don't think its fair that she flew off the handle at you, as if you chose the name to be melicious, but now thaat you know how she feels I really think you need to concider her feelings. Of course you have every right to keep the name, but is it worth causing someone else pain?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:15 PM
You're a beesh!
motherslove82
by Ruby Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:16 PM
She's your best friend and she's hurting. It doesn't matter whether or not you knew before, you know now. Pick a new name.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
lilmom71
by Bronze Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:18 PM

I think she overreacted.  If you were her best friend she would of told you what she had been planning to name the baby.  To keep it a secret and then get mad about it is ridiculous.

SoKamele
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:18 PM

 

Quoting aponder:

I don't think you are wrong, but my bff lost a little girl at 22wks  and she can't even watch Sesame street, because they were going to call it Abigayle.  Your BFF is acting out of hurt.  If you have to have that name you have every right to use it, but if she really is your BFF is it worth losing the friendship over? 

 

mrsrodgers0703
by Ruby Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:18 PM
I agree except for the whole 'it was a year and a half ago comment'. I had a miscarriage four years ago, and you never get over it. It's just like any other trauma.


Quoting Jessica_Esqueda:

1- You didn't know she'd picked that name. 

2- It's a family name

3- It was a year and a half ago. 


Name your child Evelynn. She doesn't own rights to the name. Sooner or later, she WILL understand. 


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:18 PM
Then I would definitely choose a new name.


Quoting Anonymous:

We've been best friends since the first grade....




Quoting brettsmomma:

 Honestly it would depend on how close I was to her. I have had a friend for over 20 years if something like this hurt her so bad I would rethink the name. However if she is just a common acquaintance and you didn't know the name ahead of time who cares.



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