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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Shes mad at me for choosing to use the same name as the Baby she miscarried,,,but I don't think I'm in the wrong

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I'm 32 weeks pregnant.
We finally settled on a name.
Evelyn Nicole.
My best friend flipped when i told her the name.

Her: you can NOT use Evelyn.

Me:...what do you mean? That's the name we chose. Of course we can use it. We're naming her after my grandma.

She Started crying and screaming then called me a bitch and stormed off

I called John, her husband to find Out what the hell was going on.

He said that when she had found Out she was pregnant they already had names picked and they chose Evelyn for a girl.

She miscarried at 15 weeks
That was A year and a Half ago.

But she never told me they had already picked names.

My first baby was still born

I understand why she's upset; but I didn't know.

I tried to talk to her and she yelled at me and called me a selfish inconsiderate bitch.

I understand shes hurting but I don't think I did anything wrong or deserve to be treated like this.

I wasn't aware they had picked names. If I had known we wouldn't have gone anywhere near that boundary. But I didn't know, so what was I suppose to do, take every name we liked and run it by her to make sure it was ok?


I know she's hurt, I've been there.
But I don't know what to do now.
I love the name. But I don't want to hurt her even more since now I do know that it's the same name :(
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:58 PM
Replies (41-50):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:18 PM
Then I would definitely choose a new name.


Quoting Anonymous:

We've been best friends since the first grade....




Quoting brettsmomma:

 Honestly it would depend on how close I was to her. I have had a friend for over 20 years if something like this hurt her so bad I would rethink the name. However if she is just a common acquaintance and you didn't know the name ahead of time who cares.



Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:19 PM

She doesn't need to talk about anything.  Her baby, her choice.  If BFF really is her friend, she'll be fine after a while.

The only other person who should EVER have say in a baby's name is the father, and even that's easily vetoed.  There is no compromise to be had.

Quoting agrisham13mom:

That's really difficult! I think you both need a day or so to take a breather than sit down and talk to her about it. It is really hard to lose a child as you know and maybe she is just hurting and wouldn't be able to look into your babies eyes knowing she could have had an Evelyn KWIM? I am not saying either if you is in the wrong because that is a touchy subject. I think you just both need to talk and hopefully come to a compromise if you want to have a relationship continue. Good luck!



iluvmy2somuch
by Bronze Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:19 PM
1 mom liked this

I would go ahead and name her eve or something close. I mean what's in a name? A lot is in a friendship.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:19 PM
1 mom liked this
Where I can understand her pain and why she might be upset, but she's blowing things out of proportion. You didn't know, its not like her picking the name put the thought into your head.

Maybe try sending her an email since she's not willing to have an adult conversation. Let her know about the family connection to the name and how much it means to you to honor your grandmother. Let her know you didn't know of her name picks, that you didn't pick it to spit her or rub her nose in things reiterating why you chose the name. If she still acts nasty to you, she isn't much of a friend and at least you made an honest effort towards the friendship.

Its a beautiful name BTW, I wouldn't change it and I wouldn't consider changing it for her when it holds special meaning to you as well.
Fields456
by Ruby Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:20 PM
This.


Quoting Jessica_Esqueda:

1- You didn't know she'd picked that name. 

2- It's a family name

3- It was a year and a half ago. 


Name your child Evelynn. She doesn't own rights to the name. Sooner or later, she WILL understand. 


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Jessica_Esqueda
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:20 PM

I know. I've had four. But OP's friend needs to understand that life goes on... the name Evelynn WILL pop up without it being a slight to the baby she lost. That's what I meant. I don't mean "get over it"... just, realize that life doesn't stop around you. KWIM?

Quoting mrsrodgers0703:

I agree except for the whole 'it was a year and a half ago comment'. I had a miscarriage four years ago, and you never get over it. It's just like any other trauma.


Quoting Jessica_Esqueda:

1- You didn't know she'd picked that name. 

2- It's a family name

3- It was a year and a half ago. 


Name your child Evelynn. She doesn't own rights to the name. Sooner or later, she WILL understand. 





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mrsrodgers0703
by Ruby Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:23 PM
1 mom liked this
Everly would be a really pretty alternative.
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agrisham13mom
by Silver Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:25 PM
You seem like you have NO empathy for anyone! I NEVER said she needed to change her dd name but she should be concerned about her BFF feelings as well as express her feelings and hopefully come to terms with each other! You seem like a peach to be around sweetheart! It could be argued the other way and say if she really is her BFF she would change her dd name! However like I said I don't think anything drastic should happen other then having an ADULT conversation with her "BFF" and hopefully understanding each others feelings and move from there.

Quoting Anonymous:

She doesn't need to talk about anything.  Her baby, her choice.  If BFF really is her friend, she'll be fine after a while.

The only other person who should EVER have say in a baby's name is the father, and even that's easily vetoed.  There is no compromise to be had.


Quoting agrisham13mom:

That's really difficult! I think you both need a day or so to take a breather than sit down and talk to her about it. It is really hard to lose a child as you know and maybe she is just hurting and wouldn't be able to look into your babies eyes knowing she could have had an Evelyn KWIM? I am not saying either if you is in the wrong because that is a touchy subject. I think you just both need to talk and hopefully come to a compromise if you want to have a relationship continue. Good luck!




Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Lauriemom
by Platinum Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:27 PM

Give her a little time, and try not to be too angry.  I understand she is wrong but compassion is always a good way to go.  I would try to come up with another name I loved if it were me.  No you don't have to, but it would be the kind thing to do.  She may fear that every time she speaks your daughter's name it'll remind her of her loss.

piratepixie
by Silver Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:27 PM

names are names, i must have met half a dozen boys name josh, James or john. i hate the names personally but im not going to stop someone else from naming there child that just because of how i feel about them.  no matter how your friend may feel about that name, she cant stop someone from naming there child that. sooner or later she is going to run into someone of that name, she needs to understand that the world doesn't center around her and her feelings.

name your child what you want, someday your friend will understand. until then she sounds like she needs some mental help.

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