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I left my children's father...now I'm jobless, carless and live with my mom Edit...

Posted by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 9:06 AM
  • 105 Replies

Last week I left with my children. We have been verbally abusing eachother for years and I finally broke. Our daughter is 6 and can't think it's ok, our son is 3 and can't think it's ok. We're staying with my mom, I have no job and no car. I can't get a car without a job, I can't get a job without a car, I can't get a place to live without a job, I can't get a job without a place to live. My mom isn't able to babysit regularly and I wouldn't ask her to with all she's already doing. 

Their father starts therapy today to deal with his anger issues, he knows it will take at least a year before I consider being back with him, but I promised that as long as I see forward progress to reach his goals, I will be with  no one.


Edit because everyone is saying the same thing...

There is NO public transportation where I am, no taxi service, either, so that's not an option. I have turned in my application for state assistance, I have been applying for jobs online, I looked at an apartment yesterday and am waiting to hear from the woman who runs the trust...it's a low income apartment. I have started my application to be approved to babysit children who receive state assistance and have a child lined up for that and her mother said she would help me find 2 other children to watch. Their father has been doing what he can financially for his children as well as working on himself. He spends time with them and makes sure we have what we need. He's certainly not a dead beat and is stepping up to the plate to do what he needs to do to prove he can be a better person. He's resigned to the fact that for now we're living in different houses and he supports what we need to do as a family to hopefully be intact again. I'm not whining, never was, just thought I could come on here and voice my frustration about the obstacles I'm facing. That in no way shape or form meant that I was sitting on my ass doing nothing....

by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 9:06 AM
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hehehe
by Bronze Member on Jan. 23, 2013 at 9:14 AM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jan. 23, 2013 at 9:16 AM
10 moms liked this

You say you were bothabusing each other, but you only mention their father going through counseling for his anger. Do you plan to also go through counseling? Because you should- not just for your own anger issues, but for dealing with his anger issues. Your children deserve better, as you have stated. Deal with that first, then deal with finding a job close by, even if it involves baby sitting for other people while you save up for a car. 

jcm28
by Gold Member on Jan. 23, 2013 at 9:17 AM
Maybe you should have found a job before you left your husband. Its great you got your kids out of there. Now get cs.
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Maevelyn
by Gold Member on Jan. 23, 2013 at 9:18 AM
2 moms liked this

You could always babysit at the house that way you're home with your kids and you're bringing in some money. I'm sorry things are hard right now.

TiffanyRose06
by Queso<3 on Jan. 23, 2013 at 9:21 AM
Good luck
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hehehe
by Bronze Member on Jan. 23, 2013 at 9:21 AM


I know I can do this, but realistically, I can't get a job without a car, I can't get a car without a job, I can't get a place to live without both of those things. I can ride the bus...to my daughter's school. All there are in the state I live in are school buses, no public transportation ANYWHERE in the state I live in. I'm miles from town, my mom works all day and won't babysit. I have a babysitter for when I find a place, but until then, my babysitter isn't allowed in my mother's home. I looked at an apartment the other day, got turned down because I know I would be able to afford it with help for now from the state until I find a job, but they weren't willing to take the risk. I have an application coming to be able to watch children on state assistance, but I can't do that until I have a place to live. I went on a job interview the other day, am waiting to hear from them, but again, don't know how I would get there or who would watch my children until I can afford a place. There are road blocks that are out of my control. I didn't say I'm sitting doing nothing. My days are spent looking for places and jobs....

Quoting Harley8:

Ok! U did what u had to do! Now get off your I cant do anything kick and start doing what u need to do to support yourself and your kids! U say u cant do this and that, but u did! U got yourself and your kids up and out of a bad sistuation. Talk to friends maybe someone has a car u can borrow, look for a job! What about riding the bus! U need to take a stand and show your kids u can do this! No more I cant and start the I can and I will! Sorry! Did not mean to come off harsh, but I was in your shoes 20 years ago, and I am who I am today, because I refused to say I cant! Prayers for u! I will be here for u and help u in anyway I can! Good luck abd remember U can do it!



hehehe
by Bronze Member on Jan. 23, 2013 at 9:25 AM

HE has court ordered anger management therapy from 6 years ago that he never went through. That's the first step. I'm not an abusive person until pushed and when I'm called a fucking cunt in front of my children, I have a tendency to lash out at him. When he tells my daughter to ask me what herpes is, I lash out. When it can be afforded, we're going to go to couple counseling and when I have transportation, I'm going to counseling. I had it all set into place and then left and had no way to get there. I need a job before anything else, so no, me concentrating on counseling isn't an option right now, I need to be able to support me and my children...priorities.


Quoting Anonymous:

You say you were bothabusing each other, but you only mention their father going through counseling for his anger. Do you plan to also go through counseling? Because you should- not just for your own anger issues, but for dealing with his anger issues. Your children deserve better, as you have stated. Deal with that first, then deal with finding a job close by, even if it involves baby sitting for other people while you save up for a car. 



LilliesValley
by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 9:28 AM
Things will come slowly. Dd is 6 can you get s job st her school? Walk to a job, etc? You have a lot of changes but you can do it. Small steps and hopefully your mom can be great and understanding. Glad your husband is working on hid issues. Will you be going to therapists too?
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 23, 2013 at 9:35 AM
2 moms liked this
1.) use the bus

2) get a job doing ANYTHING and save like a MF...

3) Find a church or a person will work with you till you are financially stable... Get on PA if its that hard for you...

Your husband is responsible too so get him to help.

hehehe
by Bronze Member on Jan. 23, 2013 at 9:35 AM


Yes, because criticism will help a ton in my situation. Anyway, there used to be a taxi service in the area...about 10 years ago. There's not even a city in the state I live in. There's transportation for seniors...that's it. I'm not missing any point, I know the road blocks I'm up against and am trying to break them down. Each obstacle I come across, I try to figure something else out. In the mean time, I make sure my mom's house is clean, wood is brought in, stove is going, dinner is made, whatever I can to make us as low impact as possible while we're here. This is the first time I have even been able to live under the same roof as my mom since I was 16 (I'm 34) and not been at eachother's throats, so I'm trying to keep it smooth.

Quoting Harley8:

I didnt say u was sitting on your butt doing nothing! U are missing the point! Stop whining and keep doing what u are doing! stay positive! Dont say I cant say I am! I will! I can! Really no public transportation? I never heard of that! I live in the country and they would even come out here and pick me up if needed! Ok! What about a taxi? Just trying to help! U have to want help and u have to be willing to accept some critsim from people too!



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