Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

It should never be "kept private".

Posted by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 7:34 PM
  • 73 Replies
16 moms liked this

I was abused as a child. By my mother, her boyfriends, and her family.

My mother uses her facebook page to try and make me look like a horrible unruly child who lies all the time.

I don't know why I kept her on and put up with it, but I did. Last night it came to a head when she told me I would regret my words and my lies and karma would come back to bite me in the ass.

When I went to respond with the truth finally (of all she did rather than keep it quiet) I hit enter too soon so she deleted the post. And then posted another BS post trying to discredit me.

So I posted on my own page the truth of all that happened.

She threatened a libel lawsuit, and at 2am I couldn't reach my lawyer so I took it down. But I'm tired of my family, my friends, and now my in-laws being told I'm a liar and a horrible person when my mother was in fact the horrible person. I'm also tired of keeping it bottled up and when I talk of child abuse people telling me I don't know anything. I know things that would make people vomit to hear. Anyway, now that I spoke to my lawyer and people in another group, I learned that she cannot sue me unless she proves it didn't happen. I can count at least 12 CPS calls during my childhood, and while we were never removed, those calls say plenty enough. So she can't prove anything was a lie. I may not have police reports, but the CPS documents were enough.

Anyway, I have people telling me that abuse is private and I'm just digging up old deamons. The thing is, my brother is still in that home, and she's still dating an abusive man who threatened my brother, and as I said before I'm tired of keeping quiet.

I'm not anon for this because I don't care who knows.

But I've even had people here message me and tell me that it should be private.

So I'm opening up to say, if you believe that abuse should be kept private, I'm sorry to say but you are part of the problem. Kids die every day from abuse because the few people who know think it should be kept private.

I was sexually molested by men who molested my mom, men she knew would molest me.

I was beat, not spanked, beat by my mom. One day that I remember well is when I stood up to her when she was degrading me and told her that was emotional abuse. When she started coming after me, I started to run. She grabbed me by the hair and slammed me into the entertainment center. She kept beating me, with no sign of stopping, until I grabbed the stocking holder (it was near Christmas) and held it over her head. I told her if she hit me again, I would hit her back. She stopped hitting me after that. I was 16 by then. I've had items broken over me from her beating me, and welts from her beating me. Often times I didn't even commit the crime, it was lies made up by my molesters.

Her current boyfriend sexually assaulted me at 15. She didn't start dating him until I was 18. She knew he assaulted me.

There's alot more, but those are some of the major things. And I'm taking a moment to tell you, please never tell someone that their abuse should be private. Even if it was in the past. I'm 22 years old and I still have nightmares. I have PTSD so bad that confrontation actually give me anxiety attacks. If I hear a woman yelling (I have a neighbor who sounds alot like my mom, and has a really loud voice) I have flashbacks. I never react, but I literally freeze in fear. My mother is disabled, and couldn't hurt me if she tried, but that doesn't stop me from being afraid.

I never told anyone, but people had gut feelings. Those were the people who called CPS. But there were others who actually knew details and did nothing because they thought it was a private matter.

If you think abuse is a private matter, please think again.

I am a child abuse survivor.

I am a rape survivor.

And I am a domestic abuse survivor.

And while I have been traumatized, I'm ok. And I'm living a blessed life now. But just because my right now life is awesome, doesn't mean my past life should be swept under the rug.

If you are a victim, NEVER let anyone make you feel like this was your fault, or that your feelings are invalid, because they're not. And you shouldn't be forced to keep something private because it makes someone else uncomfortable.

EDIT: I just want to thank everyone who has been so supportive. And thank you to those who have also shared your story.

I only posted about my childhood before, but someone messaged and asked what I meant about rape and DV.

In hopes that this might reach someone who is struggling, I want to talk about that too. So you know that you're not alone and that even though you don't know me, I care about what you're going through.

At 15 I was raped by my boyfriend. He was a wonderful guy, one of my very best friends, and no one saw the evil in him before that point. I was living with my father, finally breaking free of my mother (until this attack) and I had visited her for the summer. When I came back I went to visit him. He had come home from some party, and he was drunk. He decided while I was at my mothers I was out whoring around (I was still a virgin since my past abusers never used penetration) and it was his turn. He raped me that night.

I learned I was pregnant and I told him. He was fine at first. I didn't know how I was going to tell my parents, I was afraid of him and being conditioned from my past abuse I continued to allow him in my life. One night he got angry at me, called me a whore, slut, etc. Denied the baby was his, and then sent me flying down the stairs. I miscarried and he went to jail for assault.

As for DV.

My first daughter is not my husbands. We had known one another through mutual friends and started dating when I returned for college from BCT (I was split ops for college). We had gotten engaged and he was a wonderful guy. He warned me about his step mom, told me she was a liar and manipulative, but I let her manipulate me into thinking she was wonderful. We got engaged and life was wonderful for us. I thought this was my happy ever after.

That whole "the first time is all it takes" is me. A birth control fail and my first time having sex (willingly) and a month later I'm pregnant. It was like an instant change. He started ignoring me. I lived 2 hours away and he couldn't bother to even visit. He wouldn't buy anything for her, I bought it myself with a very limited income because of bed rest (seizures). All I had was a base pay while I was on medical leave from the guard until they processed my discharge (medical for the seizures).

Somehow I still moved in with him when she was born. His SM did horrible shit to me, taking DD while I was sleeping, refusing to give her breast milk, taking naked photos of DD's butt and texting them to people (yes I tried taking that to court, long story. If someone asks I'll explain further about her. It's a novel). Anyway when I started getting angry with her my family had all moved out of state. He started controlling me, threatening me, and eventually throwing stuff at me.

So I left. Unfortunately I never made a police report, I had always been conditioned not to tell. So the best I got was full custody while he has visitation and contact only in writing. It's important to speak up. It really is. People will think I'm stupid for never speaking up before now, but when you're conditioned all of your life to not do it, it's hard to break that cycle.

by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 7:34 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by Gold Member on Jan. 23, 2013 at 7:37 PM
I agree!
by Anonymous 1 on Jan. 23, 2013 at 7:40 PM
24 moms liked this

by Gold Member on Jan. 23, 2013 at 7:42 PM
3 moms liked this
I'm a firm believer that knowledge is power and what you don't know can hurt you. People keep covering this stuff up and new kids get victimized because their parents don't know what's up with the new psycho in their lives. Keep on telling it, you may save someone else from your fate.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 7:42 PM

 I agree with you, I hope you can help your brother, by getting someone to listen to you to help!  I'm sorry for all you went through.  *hugs*

by Raye on Jan. 23, 2013 at 7:43 PM
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 7:46 PM
3 moms liked this
Ahh, sweetie, I really just want to give you a big hug. I'm sorry you went through all of that. You are such a strong person and you do NOT need to keep it private to protect the ppl who should have protected you.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by the sauce is boss on Jan. 23, 2013 at 7:46 PM
I agree. More people need to speak up. If people weren't afraid to speak up, more molesters and rapists would be in jail. Never keep quiet.
I'm sorry that happened to you.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 7:46 PM
There is nothing private about abuse of any kind. I agree 100% with you on that.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 23, 2013 at 7:51 PM

To this day my mother insists that I was just a bad child, she will probably never admit anything. That doesn't stop me from admitting to people that I was abused though. It gives me my power back but yes, she definitely freaks out over it. The abuser usually will, sorry :(

by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 23, 2013 at 7:55 PM
I'm going to bump this so more people can read it
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)