so, last night my husband and i are laying in bed and watching some tv. He proceeds to rip a fart. this is nothing new in our home. However, tuesday is taco night and the rankness of this fart is like a living thing creeping it's way up my nose.
i am hiding under the blankets at this point. First he says, "it does not smell!" and then he wafts his blankets and lets out a loud, "wooo!" and starts laughing his ass off and trying to pull my blankets off of me yelling, "bask in the ambiance, honey! bask in it!"
The smell finally dissipates and i can breath without filtering it through my comforter. we continue watching our tv show, when he rips another one. Again, i am trying to find some sort of relief from the smell of his rotting intestines. that is my only explanation for how putrid his gas is. He starts tickling me so i have no choice but to release my blankets in an attempt to stop him tickling me as i kick at his stomach trying to get away from his grasp.
again, the air becomes breathable again. Next comes a definite SBD. I start yelling"for the love of god! you are burning off my nose hairs! go in another room!" and he continues to laugh and says, "fine, i will go to the bathroom." so i sneak my nose out and it is STILL reeks, so i start yelling at him, "this would make small children cry!" and i can hear him just dying with laughter inside the bathroom.
So, my mind starts churning. I have been polite enough to hold my farts in. as soon as he gets back in bed and gets comfortable, i roll on my side and let loose. Being a little too eager about this, i release what is the equivalent of a high pitched trumpet!
He starts yelling, "oh my god! at least i dont POINT my butt in your direction!"
"No, you just waft the blankets at me!"
"that's different! when i do it, it's funny!"
So i am doubled over laughing and he is laughing and play pushing me away from him to stay out of the line of fire.
i say, "we have the weirdest relationship. Thank god we arent on big brother or something like that!"
Our laughter subsides and he says, "I really am sorry."
"no your not! you think it hilarious!"
"well, yeah i think it's hilarious, but i DO feel bad that you have to suffer through it."
"No you dont. you love it!"
"well, you know what they say. Farts are like kids, you always love your own!"
" just you wait. I am gonna snuggle my butt up to you and let it fly!"
"then im gonna fart in your mouth!"
"i will pee on you in your sleep!"
"if you did, i would throw you out in the snow in your underwear!"
"We dont have any snow!"
"Yeah, but it is fucking cold out! I would lock the doors. then what would you do? you would have to go knock on the neighbors door and explain you are in the cold in your underwear because you peed on your husband while he slept and they will have to call a cop for you to open the door."
"I would just walk right over to the police station. it's right across the street."
"in your underwear?"
"yeah, if they are gonna see it anyway. THEN who would look like the bad guy?"
i just got a giant eye roll from my husband after that!
let me tell you. You know that you REALLY love someone when you suffer through their farts and find them comical, even if theyre noxious. and yes, this continued to go on through the evening. my son picked up on the house-hold farting when my husband went to work in the morning....
Proud mom of an ornery 3 year old boy, a very smart 6 year old girl! Married for 4.5 years, together for 7! Fun loving, open-minded, eco-friendly, creative,friendly, different strokes work for different folks, lady! I stay at home, work at home, love it all!