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What do you do when your DH won't listen?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I'm fed up with DH. I love him but with the way things are now, I see divorce in our future. Every time I try to talk to him, all he does is get defensive. I try to tell him I'm unhappy and all he does is say "So what are you saying..you're gonna leave me? Well fine then, go ahead." The things I'm unhappy about is the lack of help from him, his irresponsibility with money and his temper. He doesn't hit me or anything, but if he's in a pissy mood, he gets mean. He also hardly ever helps around the house. He's laid off for the season but I still work M-F and I'll come home and he has maybe started a load of laundry or put the clean dishes away. That's it all day. Keep in mind, our kids are in school so he's home alone and that's still all he does. I always tell him he may help a little, but it isn't fair that I'm the only one who has to do the vacuuming, mopping or scrubbing the bathrooms. If I don't do it, it doesn't get done. It really isn't even about the cleaning, but more about his lack of respect for my feelings and his laziness. Also, his money spending. He will buy cappuccinos at the gas station, get fast food, buy an energy drink..whatever it happens to be, yet it will equal $100 a month. It may not sound like much, but with him being laid off, things are tight and if you have to go without fun stuff for awhile because you don't have the extra money, then you don't. It's just part of being a grown up, but he doesn't care. I'm a very private person when it comes to my marriage so I'm not one to talk to family and friends about our issues. I love him, but he doesn't treat me right, doesn't appreciate me and I'm fed up. He's also done a lot of bad things to me but they're in the past as he would say.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 23, 2013 at 11:27 PM
Replies (11-20):
armstrong7984
by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 11:40 PM

Wow sounds like my hubbys identical twin, except for my hubby works full time, im afraid im preggo right now which would mean i would be the maid and the parents and everything in between. I love my hubby to death though but the other day did think about how it would be easier if i were by myself cause i would have less people to clean up after, oh ya, my brother lives with us and even though hes gone alot he leaves a trail wherever he goes too, both of the men could walk right past something spilt on the floor for example. Hubby knows my worries about this and unlike your dh he wants to know what he can do, and so far he has turned off our bedroom light after going in there LOL.

but i def know how you feel, im there right now, between two grown men and 4 animals im constantly cleaning when im not working, and just as yours does he maybe might get one load of laundry done or maybe half of the dishes lol.

opal10161973
by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 11:42 PM

Well, what can I say?  I love my job(s).  LOL

Quoting JNLmomme09:

:) I chose not to work that hard lol your a better woman then me lol


Quoting opal10161973:

I reward mine with other things that make him want to do more for me than either of those two things could ever produce.  LMAO

Quoting JNLmomme09:

I never have this problem I reward my dh with stickers and m&ms




Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 23, 2013 at 11:44 PM
Yep, I have considered counseling. Our insurance will cover individual counseling but not marriage counseling. I don't want to admit that we're at the point where we need it, but I think we do. He's told me he will only go if it gets really bad. Im almost afraid to try marriage counseling though because although I'm a private person about our marriage to people I know and would be completely fine with talking to a counselor, but I don't think my DH would be comfortable opening up to someone and I think he would be embarrassed talking about certain things. It would probably just turn into a fight. I told him tonight that I'm done dealing with his crap and that I'm putting my foot down and distancing myself from him until he sees how he is and he tried to hug me and I said I'm not just gonna act like everything is okay and then of course, he got defensive and said "I don't even treat you that bad."


Quoting opal10161973:

You have two choices:  Counseling or divorce.  I always try to advocate for option one first.  Even if he doesn't go, you will likely learn ways to deal with your feelings on what he does and perhaps a less accusatory way of talking to him.  I know you probably don't think you sound that way, but maybe he does.  In which case, he will try to blame you for something or shut down.  Even if it's nothing like I have described, a counselor could help you with other issues, so what could it hurt? 


mommamaggi
by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 11:44 PM

When my hubby wont listen I unplug the Xbox :p

mommamaggi
by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 11:45 PM

But seriously, if you file for divorce you can get court ordered marriage counseling for free... 

Grumpylilpixy
by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 11:47 PM

I give him a certin amount of time to fix it and if he doesn't I am gone.

But I am to the point that I dont even care if he fixes it. Im tired of telling me.

Good luck mama.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 23, 2013 at 11:52 PM
It's kind of funny because some sahm's on here are always going on about how their husbands think they (the wives) should do more around the house and stop spending money, but the women say they're too busy or whatever. It's the opposite with you.


Quoting Anonymous:

I'm fed up with DH. I love him but with the way things are now, I see divorce in our future. Every time I try to talk to him, all he does is get defensive. I try to tell him I'm unhappy and all he does is say "So what are you saying..you're gonna leave me? Well fine then, go ahead." The things I'm unhappy about is the lack of help from him, his irresponsibility with money and his temper. He doesn't hit me or anything, but if he's in a pissy mood, he gets mean. He also hardly ever helps around the house. He's laid off for the season but I still work M-F and I'll come home and he has maybe started a load of laundry or put the clean dishes away. That's it all day. Keep in mind, our kids are in school so he's home alone and that's still all he does. I always tell him he may help a little, but it isn't fair that I'm the only one who has to do the vacuuming, mopping or scrubbing the bathrooms. If I don't do it, it doesn't get done. It really isn't even about the cleaning, but more about his lack of respect for my feelings and his laziness. Also, his money spending. He will buy cappuccinos at the gas station, get fast food, buy an energy drink..whatever it happens to be, yet it will equal $100 a month. It may not sound like much, but with him being laid off, things are tight and if you have to go without fun stuff for awhile because you don't have the extra money, then you don't. It's just part of being a grown up, but he doesn't care. I'm a very private person when it comes to my marriage so I'm not one to talk to family and friends about our issues. I love him, but he doesn't treat me right, doesn't appreciate me and I'm fed up. He's also done a lot of bad things to me but they're in the past as he would say.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 23, 2013 at 11:52 PM
He does get unemployment during his off season and if I tried taking his card away, trust me, I wouldn't get a positive reaction. It would just piss him off. And yes the things from the past still hurt me. He always tries to act like I need to just get over it, but I told him even if you glue a broken vase back together, it will never be exactly the same because the scars will still be there. One example of many is that he went and got his hair cut two weeks before our wedding and ended up with her phone number. I told him I was not comfortable with it even though he claimed she gives her info out for business, but then I saw he looked her up on FB and requested her as a friend and caught him texting with her. Nothing bad, it was innocent, but still not okay with me. He doesn't need to be texting some girl that cut his hair. I flipped a lid and forbade him from doing it again (I know I know, I'm not his mother) and made it clear how I felt about it so he said he wouldn't anymore and then I caught him texting with her again like 4-5 months later.


Quoting pinkyheather:

They aren't in the past if your still thinking about them. Sounds like he is a complete and total ass. Maybe you should take his debit card away since he isn't bringing any money into the house and your trying to pay what needs paid. He wants to act like a mean brat treat him like one.


opal10161973
by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 11:53 PM

If that's his version of not that bad, it makes one wonder.  O.o

Quoting Anonymous:

Yep, I have considered counseling. Our insurance will cover individual counseling but not marriage counseling. I don't want to admit that we're at the point where we need it, but I think we do. He's told me he will only go if it gets really bad. Im almost afraid to try marriage counseling though because although I'm a private person about our marriage to people I know and would be completely fine with talking to a counselor, but I don't think my DH would be comfortable opening up to someone and I think he would be embarrassed talking about certain things. It would probably just turn into a fight. I told him tonight that I'm done dealing with his crap and that I'm putting my foot down and distancing myself from him until he sees how he is and he tried to hug me and I said I'm not just gonna act like everything is okay and then of course, he got defensive and said "I don't even treat you that bad."


Quoting opal10161973:

You have two choices:  Counseling or divorce.  I always try to advocate for option one first.  Even if he doesn't go, you will likely learn ways to deal with your feelings on what he does and perhaps a less accusatory way of talking to him.  I know you probably don't think you sound that way, but maybe he does.  In which case, he will try to blame you for something or shut down.  Even if it's nothing like I have described, a counselor could help you with other issues, so what could it hurt? 



camsmami
by Silver Member on Jan. 23, 2013 at 11:53 PM
Smack him. Throw something. Generally works.
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