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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Woman's Intuition

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I don't even know why I'm making this post. I guess I just need to get my feelings out somehow. I won't get into our history, but my dh and I have been married 10 years and have 4 kids together. We've had major ups and downs, but it's been good 75% of the time.

Anyway, lately I've had this weird feeling like he's hiding something from me. He's never cheated on me before (that I know of at least), but something keeps telling me that I need to be suspicious. Little things he does just don't add up. Like he'll go to bed early because he's "exhausted and can't stay awake any longer", but then I'll go to put laundry away in our room an hour later only to find him laying on the bed on his phone supposedly reading to help him go to sleep.
He's supposed to get off work every day at 5, but lately they've been "having orders come in at the last minute", so he has to be an hour late.
Last Friday he was off work, so he was going to go to the gym. I asked that he not be gone longer than 2 hours because I wanted to spend quality time with him on his day off. 3 hours later I called him and he didn't answer, but he texted me saying "can't talk. I'll call you back". When he called me back 20 minutes later he said he was late because he'd run into a friend in the parking lot and got stuck talking and he didn't want to be rude and answer the phone.
Then, tonight I took the kids to church and I stayed too because I watch the nursery on Wednesday nights, so he gets Wednesday evenings to himself. He was supposed to go to my parent's house to change his oil (because they have a flat driveway and an oil pan he uses), but I called my mom just to talk and asked if he'd come yet or not and apparently he'd already texted my dad letting him know he wasn't coming because he already took care of it. When I asked dh about it, he said that his friend Billy called right after we left and said he could come do it at his house...how convenient...

I could sit here and list 20 more things that make me suspicious, but I know y'all don't have time to read it. I don't want to question him or accuse him until I've got good solid reason to and not just a weird feeling, but I don't know how to go about finding out if I'm just paranoid or if something fishy really is going on.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 24, 2013 at 1:28 AM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 24, 2013 at 2:08 AM
1 mom liked this
That's good. I might use that. Thank you.

Quoting mommamaggi:

Maybe, "Honey (or whatever you call him normally) I feel like there's something on your mind lately; you're just not your usual self and it has me feeling a little insecure. Is something bothering you?"



Quoting Anonymous:

He's 30, so no midlife crisis. I'm going to talk to him. I'm just trying to decide how to bring it up without sounding like a crazy, jealous person.



Quoting mommamaggi:

I'd be a little worried myself, but he may also being going through his midlife crisis, or if he's not old enough for that, he may be depressed. Try telling him you're feeling a little put off by some of the things he's doing and ask him if he's okay. He's your husband, you can tell if he's lying I think, but try to get some dialog going.




Quoting Anonymous:

Oh, that was something else I meant to mention. Usually he is like a sex crazed maniac, following me around like a horny dog, but he hasn't asked for sex at all lately. Saturday night I initiated and we had sex but he didn't O for the first time since we've been together.





Quoting mommamaggi:

How's the sex lately?








Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 24, 2013 at 2:09 AM
I have NO idea how to do that, but it sounds like a good idea...

Quoting Grumpylilpixy:

Me to so I downloaded a key logger.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 24, 2013 at 2:09 AM
1 mom liked this

 


Quoting Anonymous:

He's 30, so no midlife crisis. I'm going to talk to him. I'm just trying to decide how to bring it up without sounding like a crazy, jealous person.

Quoting mommamaggi:

I'd be a little worried myself, but he may also being going through his midlife crisis, or if he's not old enough for that, he may be depressed. Try telling him you're feeling a little put off by some of the things he's doing and ask him if he's okay. He's your husband, you can tell if he's lying I think, but try to get some dialog going.

 


Quoting Anonymous:

Oh, that was something else I meant to mention. Usually he is like a sex crazed maniac, following me around like a horny dog, but he hasn't asked for sex at all lately. Saturday night I initiated and we had sex but he didn't O for the first time since we've been together.



Quoting mommamaggi:

How's the sex lately?

 


 

  I know I am going to get chewed out by another cm or two but here's the deal you keep saying you don't want to sound like a jealous wife or over react to this situation. I wouldn't hesitate for another minute in bringing all of this up. I have called my SO out on suspicious behavior several times. Each time he didn't call me crazy, jealous or say I was over reacting he just explained himself and because I know when he's lying to me, I knew he was telling the truth. You said you know when he's lying so bring it up. Let yourself be the judge. If you find him being honest great if you know he's lying then there it is.

If he normally o's all the time with you and after 10 years this is the first time he hasn't something is definitely up. Call him out on all of it.

 

barneysaid
by Gold Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 2:12 AM
Quoting Anonymous:



You should think about getting some real facts before confronting him. I have a friend that gets her facts prior to confronting him ** her husband ** and she usually catches him lying. Because he didn't know that she already knew. U know?
Grumpylilpixy
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 2:13 AM
You Google key logger cnet and you have to make sure you choose the box that says hide it. It will explain. If you are not computer savvy and have a strong antivirus you may run into trouble. You can also set up a mini can to capture the screen.

Quoting Anonymous:

I have NO idea how to do that, but it sounds like a good idea...



Quoting Grumpylilpixy:

Me to so I downloaded a key logger.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
barneysaid
by Gold Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 2:14 AM
What about searching his phone when he's asleep? He might have other numbers in disguise.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 24, 2013 at 2:15 AM
See, that's what I was thinking. If he doesn't know I'm suspicious, he won't know to cover things up better. It might make it easier to catch him.

Quoting barneysaid:

Quoting Anonymous:




You should think about getting some real facts before confronting him. I have a friend that gets her facts prior to confronting him ** her husband ** and she usually catches him lying. Because he didn't know that she already knew. U know?
deepthinker
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 2:16 AM
1 mom liked this



Quoting Anonymous:

I don't know if I just want so badly to be wrong that I'm ignoring the fact that he probably is or what, but I know I need to have a talk with him. It's just one of those things that I can never find a good time for and I don't know how to start the conversation.

Quoting deepthinker:

This isn't women's intuition, because the proof is out there.  I don't think people have to see their husbands in the bed with someone else to know that they are cheating or have the man admit it.

It's obvious he's cheating or at the very least hiding something.  I wouldn't snoop, or try and find evidence, or anything along those lines.  

Regardless if he's cheating or not your relationship is changing for the worse, you are lacking trust in him, and he's hiding things from you, and you aren't spending any time together.  Either sit down and talk about your relationship and the changes or pack your bags and go.


To be honest, this is why I think a lot of women stay in marriages that they know aren't good for them.  They want so much to be wrong and they turn their head or become inspector gadget to find proof of what they already know.  You may never find the proof that you are looking for, but you know your relationship isn't right.  You HAVE to talk, there is no right time or perfect moment to lay your cards on the table.  You have to do what needs to be done, or you will continue to be more suspicious, continue to lack trust, continue to question yourself and what you already know.  Just do it... Because things will get worse, before they get better. You start it like you started it here... You let him know what bothering you about your relationship.  You don't even have to mention the possibility of cheating.  Just let him know that you feel uncomfortable with the way he's acting, your sex life, the time he spends away from home, etc.  You can gauge a lot of not only what he says and how he reacts, but also his body language.  You've been married for 10 years... I'm sure you will be able to read his response, even if his words don't quite answer what you are asking.  You may not like what you see or hear, or how you feel, but knowing is better then not knowing and continuing to live a lie.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 24, 2013 at 2:17 AM
Well, he's got like 500 contacts in his phone because of work, so wouldn't even know where to start.

Quoting barneysaid:

What about searching his phone when he's asleep? He might have other numbers in disguise.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 24, 2013 at 2:19 AM
1 mom liked this

 Honestly just say," I think there's a lot of things that you have been doing lately that seems a little out of the ordinary and I think I would appreciate some explanations at to what's going on."

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