I feel like I am failing as a mom. And that I can't control my children. That I am not teaching them to be respectful good people. I dont know what to do any more. I feel like my 8 year old is out of control. He yells, hits, throws things, talks back, smarts off, very argumentative, disrespectful. the whole nine yards. I have tried not yelling, yelling, taking things away, talking with him, making him go to bed earlyetc. and nothing seems to change.
Here is an example of what he does...last night he needed to do his math homework. He didnt want to do it. So and argument started. His homework is a 2-sided worksheet, so he tells me that he is only doing the first row of the first page. I told him that he was doing the whole worksheet (BTW he only has to do this once a week and has till Friday to complete it and hadnt done any of it even though I reminded him). So he got mad started slamming doors, throwing pencils, started yelling at DH and I when he didnt understand a problem. I ended up making him go to bed early for not listening and being disrespectful.
When he wants me to do something for him he wants it done then. Immediately. I started telling him that he needed to be patient. Most of the time when he would ask me to do something I would be in the middle of doing something. Now, when I tell him its time to get dressed brush teeth, he tells me in a second. Then when I tell him again, he tells me that I need to be patient. He throws my words back at me. I am starting to see my 4 year old develop the same behaviors.
This is just one inncident. The same thing happens with other things. I have asked him about controling his anger. He says he get frustrated and says he feel like he cant control it. Here's the kicker....he does not act like this at school. I have never been called or recieved a note regarding him acting like this at school. This morning I asked him when he gets frustrated at school why he doesnt act like that there. He said because the rules are different there. I explained to him that it is never a good choice to throw a pencil anywhere.
A few years ago I did take him to see a therapist. He had been telling me that he was going to kill me - he would say this after I had disiplined him. After he met with the therapist she told me he was very bright and looked at me like I had 3 heads - like I was making it up or something. I never took him back.
I dont know what to do. I feel lost. Like a horrible parent. I dont know where to turn or what to do. I feel like I am doing an awful job at trying to teach him to be a nice respectful person. What should I do at this point? I am desperate here.