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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

If I was wrong I'll go apologize.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
DH left the light on on the stairs.

I turned it off.

He said "leave it on, it's dark without it."

I said "youngest kid is 8, and perfectly capable of finding a light switch. The light will shine in our room and I know this is silly but it's really bright and bothers me. Can we please leave it off?

DH said "I said leave it on."

I said "that's why I have a nite light plugged in on the stairs, so there is some light but not enough to keep me up. its such a small thing but us important to me."

DH said "the bulb is burned out."

So, I replaced the bulb.

DH got mad and said "you just HAVE to make me wrong, I'm sleeping on the couch!"

I said "no, I wasn't trying to do that at all. I'm just trying to find a good solution for both of us. it's called compromise. I give a little. You give a little."

He was like "no it's just all about you! You you you!"

I said, " If I had my way there would be no light. You want a light, so I did the smaller bulb in the night light. If you want, we can just sleep with our door closed and put the big light on."

He said "I'm not sleeping with you, all you care about is yourself."

So I got mad and told him not to bother coming to bed at all, if he wants to punish me for trying to compromise, well he can just stay out there until he remembers I'm not one of the children, and he can't punish me like I am.

If you think I'm wrong, tell me and I'll apologize.
Edited for readability.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:43 PM
Replies (301-310):
lovelove211
by Platinum Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 4:24 AM
You weren't wrong
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Ashes0813
by Candice on Jan. 25, 2013 at 4:27 AM
Enjoy that bed alone, he was in the wrong.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mommythree0508
by Bronze Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 4:29 AM
What a baby. He can enjoy that couch lol.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
teal_phoenix
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 4:30 AM

 You were looking for a compromise. He wanted it his way or nothing.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 34 on Jan. 25, 2013 at 4:32 AM
Lol wow
Anonymous
by Anonymous 35 on Jan. 25, 2013 at 4:34 AM

You are NOT selfish or a monster. Everyone deserves to get a good night's sleep, and I think a nightlight was a great solution to the problem. It sounds like your DH was looking for an excuse to pick a fight. Now that he is sleeping on the couch, why don't you turn off the light and put the nightlight on as planned?

RandiBear
by Gold Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 4:35 AM

 

Okay, I want to say this: I am NOT judging you. But you fixing the nightlight isn't really a compromise, it's you fixing it so you still have things the way you like it. That is a guy's perspective (that's exactly what my DH just said to me about the situation). Your hubby is being more than a little melodramatic about it, but honestly it seems like maybe he feels like you don't take his thoughts and feelings into REAL consideration. Whether or not that feeling has legitimacy based on fact or not isn't really important. If that's how you make him FEEL then it's real enough to him. Men always have a reason behind everything they do, even if it seems absurd and rediculous to us women.

Again, I'm not saying you did anything WRONG, because it seems like this is more about something else he's feeling than about the light. However, I wouldn't assume he was cheating (as I saw was suggested earlier). DH has had melodramatic responses to me when I thought I was being overly generous in changing my position but it was the tone I used that made him upset. I came off like I was talking down to him, without even realizing I was. Maybe that's the case, that you come off like you were talking to a child and he was rubbed the wrong way by it. No excuse for his overreaction, but maybe an explanation?

Quoting Anonymous:

I thought me suggesting we use the night light was a good compromise, that's why I suggested it.

I also offered that we just keep the bedroom door closed.

That was no good either.

So now the light is on and I'm still up.

I will buy a eye mask for tomorrow night. But, for now I guess I'm SOL.


Quoting RandiBear:

 


I actually had this battle with my DH about a month ago. He sleeps better with the TV on, I sleep better with it off because when it's on, I wake up with a migraine. So, instead of me saying "well I have immediate bad responses to it...my way is the way it's going to be..." I said "Okay, well then lets switch sides of the bed so it wont be in my eyes all night" Then, the next day, I rearranged the bedroom so he can have the TV on without it bothering me. Now, the only time it bothers me is when he falls asleep on the remote and turns it up lol


Quoting Anonymous:

Which I think was her DH 's point. He thinks she's a right fighter. I've learned in my marriage to pick my battles. Do you want to win or do you want to be happy? Ie: I don't really like the tv on but if my husband turned it on and came to her I wouldn't walk in and turn it off. I'd put in some ear plugs.

You weren't really compromising. You were trying to control the situation. You were willing to turn on the same night light that you generally use. In that compromise you weren't giving up any of your position. I think my compromise would be to wear an eye mask



Quoting LADYxGHOST:


 



She isn't sleeping now she is on CM, silly. And yeah, this srgument should be allowed to fester overnight. But het, it really depends on how much a person wants to be happily married. Or if they want to get their 8 hours of sleep and deal with the backlash as it builds up and comes out later on.



Quoting Anonymous:



 



So out of respect for him she shouldnt get any fucking sleep?



Quoting LADYxGHOST:



I think you where technically right but maritally wrong. You told you to keep the light on and you did everything to make sure you could turn it off. It can be an affront to his position. I would apologize, not for changing the light, but for disrespecting him.



 



 



 



 



 


 



 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 25, 2013 at 4:37 AM
I just can't. I mean, I want to. But if it was so important to him that he picked a huge fight over it, even if I don't understand why? Well I can't just go against that. I do care about his feelings. Even when I don't understand.




Quoting Anonymous:

You are NOT selfish or a monster. Everyone deserves to get a good night's sleep, and I think a nightlight was a great solution to the problem. It sounds like your DH was looking for an excuse to pick a fight. Now that he is sleeping on the couch, why don't you turn off the light and put the nightlight on as planned?


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 25, 2013 at 4:43 AM
Maybe?

I was trying to fix it so it could be my way. I admit that. But I was also trying to fix it so it could be his way too.

I appreciate someone actually trying to help me see his side without attacking me. It only took 300 posts.

But, I really wasn't trying to do anything other than find a solution we could both be happy with. The light is still on and I'm still up. And, I'm very unhappy.

He, on the other hand got his way and is happy. So hopefully he can forgive me for trying to change his mind.


Quoting RandiBear:

 


Okay, I want to say this: I am NOT judging you. But you fixing the nightlight isn't really a compromise, it's you fixing it so you still have things the way you like it. That is a guy's perspective (that's exactly what my DH just said to me about the situation). Your hubby is being more than a little melodramatic about it, but honestly it seems like maybe he feels like you don't take his thoughts and feelings into REAL consideration. Whether or not that feeling has legitimacy based on fact or not isn't really important. If that's how you make him FEEL then it's real enough to him. Men always have a reason behind everything they do, even if it seems absurd and rediculous to us women.


Again, I'm not saying you did anything WRONG, because it seems like this is more about something else he's feeling than about the light. However, I wouldn't assume he was cheating (as I saw was suggested earlier). DH has had melodramatic responses to me when I thought I was being overly generous in changing my position but it was the tone I used that made him upset. I came off like I was talking down to him, without even realizing I was. Maybe that's the case, that you come off like you were talking to a child and he was rubbed the wrong way by it. No excuse for his overreaction, but maybe an explanation?


Quoting Anonymous:

I thought me suggesting we use the night light was a good compromise, that's why I suggested it.

I also offered that we just keep the bedroom door closed.

That was no good either.

So now the light is on and I'm still up.

I will buy a eye mask for tomorrow night. But, for now I guess I'm SOL.



Quoting RandiBear:


 



I actually had this battle with my DH about a month ago. He sleeps better with the TV on, I sleep better with it off because when it's on, I wake up with a migraine. So, instead of me saying "well I have immediate bad responses to it...my way is the way it's going to be..." I said "Okay, well then lets switch sides of the bed so it wont be in my eyes all night" Then, the next day, I rearranged the bedroom so he can have the TV on without it bothering me. Now, the only time it bothers me is when he falls asleep on the remote and turns it up lol



Quoting Anonymous:

Which I think was her DH 's point. He thinks she's a right fighter. I've learned in my marriage to pick my battles. Do you want to win or do you want to be happy? Ie: I don't really like the tv on but if my husband turned it on and came to her I wouldn't walk in and turn it off. I'd put in some ear plugs.

You weren't really compromising. You were trying to control the situation. You were willing to turn on the same night light that you generally use. In that compromise you weren't giving up any of your position. I think my compromise would be to wear an eye mask




Quoting LADYxGHOST:



 




She isn't sleeping now she is on CM, silly. And yeah, this srgument should be allowed to fester overnight. But het, it really depends on how much a person wants to be happily married. Or if they want to get their 8 hours of sleep and deal with the backlash as it builds up and comes out later on.




Quoting Anonymous:




 




So out of respect for him she shouldnt get any fucking sleep?




Quoting LADYxGHOST:




I think you where technically right but maritally wrong. You told you to keep the light on and you did everything to make sure you could turn it off. It can be an affront to his position. I would apologize, not for changing the light, but for disrespecting him.




 




 




 




 




 



 





 


RandiBear
by Gold Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 4:55 AM

 

Just try talking to him in the morning. Tell him you're sorry if he took it that way or if you came off wrong to him but that isn't how you meant it then just ask him if there is something else bothering him. Key is, don't just leave it at "I'm saying sorry to make peace" or you will end up bitter toward him and end up lashing out the same way he did/does. Have an actual conversation about what is REALLY bothering him because it likely goes much deeper than all the little fights that get blown out of the water. Good luck!

Quoting Anonymous:

Maybe?

I was trying to fix it so it could be my way. I admit that. But I was also trying to fix it so it could be his way too.

I appreciate someone actually trying to help me see his side without attacking me. It only took 300 posts.

But, I really wasn't trying to do anything other than find a solution we could both be happy with. The light is still on and I'm still up. And, I'm very unhappy.

He, on the other hand got his way and is happy. So hopefully he can forgive me for trying to change his mind.


Quoting RandiBear:

 


Okay, I want to say this: I am NOT judging you. But you fixing the nightlight isn't really a compromise, it's you fixing it so you still have things the way you like it. That is a guy's perspective (that's exactly what my DH just said to me about the situation). Your hubby is being more than a little melodramatic about it, but honestly it seems like maybe he feels like you don't take his thoughts and feelings into REAL consideration. Whether or not that feeling has legitimacy based on fact or not isn't really important. If that's how you make him FEEL then it's real enough to him. Men always have a reason behind everything they do, even if it seems absurd and rediculous to us women.


Again, I'm not saying you did anything WRONG, because it seems like this is more about something else he's feeling than about the light. However, I wouldn't assume he was cheating (as I saw was suggested earlier). DH has had melodramatic responses to me when I thought I was being overly generous in changing my position but it was the tone I used that made him upset. I came off like I was talking down to him, without even realizing I was. Maybe that's the case, that you come off like you were talking to a child and he was rubbed the wrong way by it. No excuse for his overreaction, but maybe an explanation?


Quoting Anonymous:

I thought me suggesting we use the night light was a good compromise, that's why I suggested it.

I also offered that we just keep the bedroom door closed.

That was no good either.

So now the light is on and I'm still up.

I will buy a eye mask for tomorrow night. But, for now I guess I'm SOL.



Quoting RandiBear:


 



I actually had this battle with my DH about a month ago. He sleeps better with the TV on, I sleep better with it off because when it's on, I wake up with a migraine. So, instead of me saying "well I have immediate bad responses to it...my way is the way it's going to be..." I said "Okay, well then lets switch sides of the bed so it wont be in my eyes all night" Then, the next day, I rearranged the bedroom so he can have the TV on without it bothering me. Now, the only time it bothers me is when he falls asleep on the remote and turns it up lol



Quoting Anonymous:

Which I think was her DH 's point. He thinks she's a right fighter. I've learned in my marriage to pick my battles. Do you want to win or do you want to be happy? Ie: I don't really like the tv on but if my husband turned it on and came to her I wouldn't walk in and turn it off. I'd put in some ear plugs.

You weren't really compromising. You were trying to control the situation. You were willing to turn on the same night light that you generally use. In that compromise you weren't giving up any of your position. I think my compromise would be to wear an eye mask




Quoting LADYxGHOST:



 




She isn't sleeping now she is on CM, silly. And yeah, this srgument should be allowed to fester overnight. But het, it really depends on how much a person wants to be happily married. Or if they want to get their 8 hours of sleep and deal with the backlash as it builds up and comes out later on.




Quoting Anonymous:




 




So out of respect for him she shouldnt get any fucking sleep?




Quoting LADYxGHOST:




I think you where technically right but maritally wrong. You told you to keep the light on and you did everything to make sure you could turn it off. It can be an affront to his position. I would apologize, not for changing the light, but for disrespecting him.




 




 




 




 




 



 



 


 



 

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