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We have all seen "You know you were a child of the 90s if..." stuff but I wanted to do something different

Posted by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:47 PM
  • 81 Replies
7 moms liked this

so I found this, yes its long but its ALL true and made me tear up. ID do ANYTHING to be a little kid again in that era... I can honestly say my childhood was more fun than my kids today!


1. Topanga was at some point in human history considered not only a legitimate first name for a human being, but the kind of name that would inspire in malleable teenage boys a life-long infatuation. Topanga, in our day, was leading lady name-material. Topanga (pronounced Tah-payne-ga, for those who will have only ever seen in it written down) is the name of the quintessential girl-next-door who will live, along with Feeney, in our hearts forever.

2. At some point, we carried around little plastic eggs with tiny screens on them — in these screens lived our hearts, our pets, our raison d’etre, our very own Tamagotchi. We loved them, we listened to their tiny electronic screams of malnourishment, and we occasionally forgot to pick up their poop for long enough that they died a tortured, poop-filled death. They were perhaps our first foray into the life-consuming world of electronics and self-absorption, later to be fully manifested by Facebook.

3. The black Power Ranger was black and the yellow Power Ranger was Asian because…we were so completely ahead of our time and beyond the capacity to even think in terms of something as inconsequential as race that… uh… I don’t know. Casting directors were racist in the nineties.

4. Long before he was spending his days foisting his mediocre children on us, Will Smith was actually the perfect human specimen. He also undoubtedly holds some world record for saving the world the most times while simultaneously delivering flawless catchphrases and giving cool guy nods to the camera. The Men In Black rap song, at the time, was created and received by the public without the slightest trace of irony. Really. He was that good.

5. In some inevitable shift of the time-space continuum in which James Cameron continues to rob humanity of all that is good and sacred in this world, Fern Gully will be known as that movie that ripped off Avatar. It will be up to us to crusade for what is right. It is up to us to explain that Fern Gully was not only a predecessor to Avatar, but far better, in that it contained both Tim Curry as a singing pile of molasses and Robin Williams rapping about animal testing in the pharmaceutical industry. (As a side note, if you have not recently listened to the full lyrics of the “Batty Rap,” I recommend you do, as they are horrifying.)

6. A neighborhood boy who completely disregards your family and puts a ladder directly under the teenage girl’s window to climb up at his discretion is not only acceptable, it’s charming. It’s the kind of stuff that would make said family take the ladder boy under their wing and into their heart. The nineties were a simpler time, one where we didn’t have to worry about things like breaking and entering. Clarissa today would have steel bars on the inside of her window and her father would continually remind her that the next-door boy with his ladder and his touchy hands have no place in his household.

7. Though on the surface, they are the exact same thing in every conceivable way, whether you liked The Backstreet Boys or N*SYNC said more about your character than all of the terrible macaroni art you could ever make for your child psychologist. Essentially, liking *NSYNC meant you liked Justin Timberlake, as he was clearly the Seabiscuit in that race from the get-go. You even liked him with his terrible, icy-blond mini-fro. Liking the Backstreet Boys gave you a bit more of a cultured palate, as there was no clear Diana in those Supremes. Nick was kind of the wholesome, if northern-Florida-redneck safe choice (save for his humiliating younger brother, Aaron). Brian was the shy, sensitive type. AJ was the hottt, dangerous meth addict. Kevin Richardson was mute with sexy, sculpted facial hair. No one liked Howie. Choosing between the two groups was like choosing between two beloved children, but once that line was crossed–there was no going back.

8. “I wanna really really really wanna zig a zig ahh,” has a meaning, and all true nineties kids know it, but we must never share it. Like the Illuminati, it must remain between us, the keyholders. With great power comes great responsibility.

9. Lisa Frank is not the name of a woman, it is the name of a movement, a culture, a way of living. It is a theory, a concept, a belief in something greater than yourself. It is the belief that all girls are entitled to dolphins covered with rainbows, jewel-encrusted frogs, and unicorns in acid-trip colors hugging each other. It is the ideology that no notebook is complete until it literally hurts your eyes to look at from so much color saturation. It is the hope that no school supply, no matter how insignificant, will be left un-bedazzled. It is the knowledge that your eraser cap, and that of your granddaughter’s, and her granddaughter’s after her, will not be some boring little nub–it will be a diamond covered with butterflies in a rainbow of colors. It is the dream of a better tomorrow.

10. Incredibly depressing women in Indiana covered in cats and glass figurines they buy at The Hallmark Store used to troll the web 1.0 to invest thousands of dollars in tiny stuffed animals filled with plastic beans. That happened. Beanie Babies were not just significant, they were the first example most of us had of envy, greed, and wrath. If someone messed up that little heart-shaped Ty tag, so help you God, that was the end of whatever contact you had with that monster of a human being. That tag-less Beanie Baby was now trash, and you had to deal with the consequence. It was at that moment, that de-valued Beanie Baby moment, that most of us accepted the truth… we’ll never have nice things. TC mark

by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by expecto patronum on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:49 PM
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Screw you for getting spice girls on my head!
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by Ruby Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:52 PM
1 mom liked this
I totally sang half the song on #8.

I still have my gigapet- well my grandma does. It is still in her night stand. (ETA: from when she took it for a month and it died both the battery and the cat! That was almost 15 years ago!)

I still have a folder from middle school that is Lisa Frank.

I still have part of my Beanie Baby Collection. And cherish it.

I was a fan of JB. Not Justin!

I still like the name Topanga.

I still have Fern Gully on VCR.
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by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:54 PM

I was more of an 80's kid but I remember most of those. 

by Marissa on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:56 PM

Quoting crescentstar2:

Screw you for getting spice girls on my head!

Its in my head now to!Im watching on youtube bahaha

by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:59 PM
1 mom liked this
I remember all of these.
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by Ruby Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:00 PM
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I remember loving Fern Gully, but I could never sit through it.

Love love love Beanie Babies!

I can't wait for Girl Meets World! Makes me want to search the interwebs so I can watch Boy Meets World!

Never liked Spice Girls or boy bands. Bleh. I do like Justin Timeberlake, courtesy of SNL.

I had a few Giga Pets, and wanted a Tamagotchi sooooo badly!

Hated the Power Rangers.

I loved Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Men in Black. Will Smith dominated the 90s, that's for sure.

I don't know what number 6 is.

I had to have EVERYTHING Lisa Frank! I still love Lisa Frank.
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by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:12 PM
1 mom liked this

Sooo good! I didn't know want 9 was when I started reading it, but I soooo know those stickers. And, I have hundreds if not thousands of dollars worth of 90s money, now the whole lot is worth like $50. Oh the 90s...

Also, N*Sync all the way!

by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:15 PM

I was a teenager in the 90's, and yes I remember all of this!

by Marissa on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:17 PM

Quoting crescentstar2:

Screw you for getting spice girls on my head!

So what does it reallly mean?!?! Lets share!

“I wanna really really really wanna zig a zig ahh

by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:17 PM
I was a teen in the 90's, but had younger siblings so I saw a lot of this.
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