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S/O What is the point of teenage dating?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Another post in here got me thinking. What is the point of teenage dating?

Frankly, to me, teenage "dating" is more an introduction to sex and intimacy and emotions that hormone driven teenagers are not equipped to handle. Teenagers have no real purpose for dating, they aren't learning anything valuable in the process, they certainly aren't learning about "how to have a relationship" as a teenager (again with the hormones come the drama and garbage). Very few people end up marrying any of the people they dated during their teenage years.

In our family, someone starts dating for one reason, to get to know someone for the purpose of marriage and family. That is just our culture. So until you are ready (emotionally, physically, financially, etc) for marriage, there is no point in dating. Our children (17 and 16) are getting ready to start college and have never been on a date, they've never even asked to go on a date. They've had friends over for dinner or a movie night or game night but there's never been any dating.

Our children have no interest in dating. It's frequently a topic of conversation (usually because of posts like the one that got me thinking or things we see in the neighborhood or hear about) and our kids think dating as a teenager is really stupid because he (our oldest) thinks it leads to the serial marriages that are so common in this society (like, date, fall in love, fall out of love, start the process with someone new over and over again, leading to the same reaction in marriage - like, date, love, marriage, fall out of love, divorce, start over with someone new). He has friends who date and he has said that he thinks what they have been through, dating as teenagers, is more destructive to future relationships than his never having been on a date! So I do not understand. I did not date until I was 19. My DH did not date as a teenager but did when he left home and joined the Marines. He had 2 girlfriends before me but neither of us had sex until after we were married. We are still married 20 years later.

Teenagers are far from ready for marriage so why throw them into that mix? What is the purpose? What do you think it teaches?

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:29 PM
Replies (11-20):
brandyblx
by Silver Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:49 PM

 I met my hubby and started dating him when I was 16.We have been together ever since.I am 37 now.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:52 PM


Quoting Anonymous:

while your son seems really smart and mature for his age.  I think you need to 'practice' being in relationships with people...it doesn't have to be something super serious. but learning how to relate to people and figuring out what you want/don't want in a partner takes a little practice...

Thank you for the compliment, my son is wonderful, all my children are wonderful.

Why can you not wait and do this as an adult? I am not saying no dating. I am saying no dating as a teenager. Why do you need to "practice" relationships as a teenager when everything hurts more, feels more, is more emotional (aren't hormones wonderful)? Why not wait until older and more stable and ready and prepared for those emotions?

My DH and I not always been perfect. We had our tough times. But it was will power to stick with it that made us stay together and push through. As mature adults we can do that. But I see this lots of dating as leading to many divorces. "Oh, it got tough, we get a divorce!" I've seen it many times, even my friends. I see that is where your "practice" leads.

ebbierowe
by Gold Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:53 PM
Eh I meet and started dating my husband when he was 15 and I was 17.



I think it depends on the teen....for some it doesn't cause any issues
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:55 PM


Quoting Not_A_Native:

So they can learn how to relate to the opposite sex.  And no, it doesnt have to be about sex - but it might be (and for me, that's ok as long as they're on birth control and are safe).  They have no idea - until they date - what type of person they WANT to spend time with.

They need to learn how to say, hey, this relationship isn't working, and I'm breaking up with you.  And they need to be on the opposite side as well - the one who is broken up with, so they know that things like this can happen and they will survive.

You may have a culture where dating is a prelude to marriage - but we don't even EXPECT marriage.  If one of my kids wants to date, and be an independent woman - fine.  There isn't a "need" to get married, or even have a steady relationship.

I already talked about most of your beginning in another response. No meed to do that again. (sex outside of marriage is a big NO NO here so I'm not going to touch that one either)

Then why date at all if you have no intention of getting married? For the sex? Not in my family. You can have that. We want no part of that lifestyle. I can go on but shut my mouth now before it gets me in bigger trouble.

StevieMarie
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:58 PM
1 mom liked this

I was raised that dating was very important and a process of elimination. "You have to kiss a few toads to find your prince" kind of thing. I was also taught that abstinence prior marriage was a joke. Sex is too big a part of a union to be dealt with after vows are said. I wasnt allowed to go on an actual date before 17, but definitely raised with the "try before you buy" mentality. Ultimately, I lost my virginity much sooner than 17, so, you can see how well that worked out. It DID teach me things about relationships. You always learn something from relationships, and their ends. It adjusted my expectations, humbled me, and taught me not settle for someone whomistreats me even though I love them. I learned alot through dating.

mommaoftwo
by Silver Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 12:01 AM
2 moms liked this

I just want to point out that not too long ago if you weren't married and having kids by 25 you were late to the game.

Even earlier in history the age was even younger.


We don't give teenagers enough credit IMO

mommaoftwo
by Silver Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 12:02 AM

You date for the companionship

To see what kind of personality best compliments your own.


Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting Not_A_Native:

So they can learn how to relate to the opposite sex.  And no, it doesnt have to be about sex - but it might be (and for me, that's ok as long as they're on birth control and are safe).  They have no idea - until they date - what type of person they WANT to spend time with.

They need to learn how to say, hey, this relationship isn't working, and I'm breaking up with you.  And they need to be on the opposite side as well - the one who is broken up with, so they know that things like this can happen and they will survive.

You may have a culture where dating is a prelude to marriage - but we don't even EXPECT marriage.  If one of my kids wants to date, and be an independent woman - fine.  There isn't a "need" to get married, or even have a steady relationship.

I already talked about most of your beginning in another response. No meed to do that again. (sex outside of marriage is a big NO NO here so I'm not going to touch that one either)

Then why date at all if you have no intention of getting married? For the sex? Not in my family. You can have that. We want no part of that lifestyle. I can go on but shut my mouth now before it gets me in bigger trouble.



Mommy of FIVE!!!



Tara~12.16.03  Zachary~5.17.05  Rowan~1.17.09  Willow~8/10/11 Baby~ EDA 1/27/13

bekalynne440
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 12:14 AM
2 moms liked this
I'm with you on that one. My sisters and I were raised that way, and none of us regret it. DH and I want to raise our kids that way as well.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 25, 2013 at 12:18 AM
2 moms liked this
I agree with you OP.
Fallaya
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 12:18 AM
1 mom liked this
I agree with you. My dd won't be dating until she's a senior in high school. And even then, it'll depend on her level of maturity and academic performance. I didn't date until I was in my 20s.
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