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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

S/O What is the point of teenage dating?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Another post in here got me thinking. What is the point of teenage dating?

Frankly, to me, teenage "dating" is more an introduction to sex and intimacy and emotions that hormone driven teenagers are not equipped to handle. Teenagers have no real purpose for dating, they aren't learning anything valuable in the process, they certainly aren't learning about "how to have a relationship" as a teenager (again with the hormones come the drama and garbage). Very few people end up marrying any of the people they dated during their teenage years.

In our family, someone starts dating for one reason, to get to know someone for the purpose of marriage and family. That is just our culture. So until you are ready (emotionally, physically, financially, etc) for marriage, there is no point in dating. Our children (17 and 16) are getting ready to start college and have never been on a date, they've never even asked to go on a date. They've had friends over for dinner or a movie night or game night but there's never been any dating.

Our children have no interest in dating. It's frequently a topic of conversation (usually because of posts like the one that got me thinking or things we see in the neighborhood or hear about) and our kids think dating as a teenager is really stupid because he (our oldest) thinks it leads to the serial marriages that are so common in this society (like, date, fall in love, fall out of love, start the process with someone new over and over again, leading to the same reaction in marriage - like, date, love, marriage, fall out of love, divorce, start over with someone new). He has friends who date and he has said that he thinks what they have been through, dating as teenagers, is more destructive to future relationships than his never having been on a date! So I do not understand. I did not date until I was 19. My DH did not date as a teenager but did when he left home and joined the Marines. He had 2 girlfriends before me but neither of us had sex until after we were married. We are still married 20 years later.

Teenagers are far from ready for marriage so why throw them into that mix? What is the purpose? What do you think it teaches?

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:29 PM
Replies (81-90):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 16 on Jan. 25, 2013 at 8:26 AM

You bring out some good points and I agree with your logic. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 17 on Jan. 25, 2013 at 8:43 AM
1 mom liked this
Sounds like mommy and daddy did a great job brainwashing little johnny.



For the record, I agree, dating is stupid in your teen years. However I like to raise independant thinkers, not children who can quote word for word mom and dads bs.
HistoryNutty
by Ruby Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 8:52 AM
I didn't date when I was in high school. It was mostly because I was such a geek and had bad social anxiety, and also because my middle brother was on the varsity football team as a defensive end and my twin brother was about six foot tall and almost broke a guy's arm for jokingly telling me to shut up. Guys were scared to talk to me, as soon as they learned my last name, they never talked to me again.

Until I met my husband. He was new to the school, and we didn't start dating until close to the end of senior year. We ended up getting married right before we turned 20. We're now almost 26 (our anniversary was the 16th) and still going strong.

I don't know if I agree with you, just because it works for your family, and worked for me, doesn't mean it's right for everyone.
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shell3m
by Shell on Jan. 25, 2013 at 8:54 AM

to find out what you like and don't like about people.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 18 on Jan. 25, 2013 at 8:58 AM
With my DD (17) its only been a MESS. It has effected her emotionally. She was.obviously NOT ready for relationships. She needs to focus on school, her job and other interests and keep herself out of trouble.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 19 on Jan. 25, 2013 at 9:00 AM
I married my 7th grade sweet heart
ccnstanczak
by Gold Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 9:01 AM

 Experience. getting to know the other sex. boys and girls are different but they have things in common. Serious relationships should be for when you are older. I agree with that but there is nothing wrong with meeting someone and becoming special friends.

whats wrong with heartbreak? whats wrong with making mistakes? Teaches you love and patience and compassion, it teaches you that you are human. You learn about yourself. you learn how to heal. You learn that LOVE is strong and powerful and at the same time precious and delicate. Relationships are difficult. Sometimes it takes kissing a few frogs to find your "prince". but relationships are not fairytales but its an amazing experience to love and care about another person.

love and dating and relationships are  not just about marriage or the end result. i have loved (and still do) love many. not in love with them but i still love them. i know them and they are in my heart. i have had my heart broken. most recently from my dh since we are divorcing but i still love him. he dosnt even have to love me back. but he does and we love each other enough to let each other go. we were together 11 years. we met at 25 years old and fell deeply in love and i cherish that experience and if i knew then what i still know now id still fall in love. it was beautiful.

 

Newmom8912
by Platinum Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 9:04 AM
Well I certainly don't want to be my hubbys first from what I hear he was a major douche he needed stepping stones and reality first
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Autumn19
by Gold Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 9:05 AM
idk i started dating my dh at 15.
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Vipergirl22
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 9:32 AM

I personally think dating as a teen all depends on the kid, some can handle it and some can't. This is one subject I hope to be open between me and my daughter. I had "boyfriends" starting at 13. I didn't have my first real date (movie, dinner, etc.) until I was 17 and it was only once with him. I learned a lot about how good relationships can be and how bad they can be. My parents were a terrible examples for relationships, so I had to learn on my own. However, I was not a typical teen. I had a good head on my shoulders. When I was 16 I fell in love with someone because he was playing with my niece, which is not something most 18 year olds do. It took me a year  too finally get the courage up to ask him to go out. And I did my homework on him, I knew my SIL and brother would warn me if he was a bad idea. Oh, yes I did fall in love at 16 and I did know enough to know what love was and is suppose to be. Quite frankly if I didn't get into that relationship I wouldn't be married and my daughter would not exist. I think whether my daughter has "boyfriends" is up to her but there will be an age set of when she can actually start dating so long as she shows the maturity and her grades don't slip. I do however see your point and I won't knock it. It just worked out in my particular case and I am really glad it did.

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