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Mother of a Transgendered Child

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My name is Jennifer, I am 31 years old and the mother of two amazing children. My oldest child is 11 years old and really intelligent. Now, I know parents say that a lot about their children but she really is very smart. She is 11 years old and already taking high school credits and next year she will be taking college credits. She is spunky and has a mind and style all her own. She never follows the crowd and is a trend setter at her school.

My youngest is also just as awesome and unique. My youngest came and sat me down about 2 months ago. Actually, my oldest came to me first and said, "Mom, Erin and I have something that we need to talk to you about." That is when I sat down with my kids and had my youngest tell me, "Mom, I'm a girl." I had no idea what to think at first; you see, Erin had been in fact born Aaron, a boy. Now, I have seen the signs since she was very young but always would tell her that she is a boys and boys don't dress or act that way. When my kids sat me down, however, it hit me. Erin had been confiding in her sister for a while; they would dress up together in private, too afraid to tell me cause Erin did not want to disappoint me. I thought it over for a minute and thought about how I have always told my kids they could be whatever they wanted to be, that I would always love them because I am their mother. I realized I could not be upset, that no matter what, this is still my child; my child I gave birth to and have loved and still love with all my heart and soul.

Ever since Erin has came out to me and people around her, she has been a totally different child; happier and more at peace. Erin used to be an introvert and a troublemaker at home. She would throw tantrums, backtalk, and try to cause self harm, but ever since she has came out to the world, she is very lovable, very well behaved, and has so many friends. I have seen so many people point accusing fingers at me, telling me that somehow this is my fault and that I am crazy for allowing Erin to be herself instead of boy. They did not see the child before the transformation.

I want parents and everyone to think about something before pointing fingers and making accusations. Think about how I said my child was self harming before coming out. It was scary not knowing how to help my child because they felt alone. You can't tell me therapy would have been suffice because I tried therapy and hospitalization, cause I did not know at the time why Erin was self harming. Trust me, nothing worked. But ever since Erin has came out to me and has support now from therapist and me, she has done a total turn around.

As a parent, it is our duty to protect our children and love them forever. It is our duty to nurture them and encourage them. On top of all that, though, it is not our job to tell them what they can or cannot be. We need to help them find their talents and to nurture those talents. Love them unconditionally.

by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 10:46 AM
Replies (341-350):
by Anonymous 22 on Jan. 26, 2013 at 12:53 AM
4 moms liked this

Because children born with an extra chromosome are PROGRAMED to be like that, and if you did your medical research you would know that rather than making ignorant comments. Refusing to allow your child to be who they are is not only going to make them depressed, it's going to make them hate you as their parent. Any parent who refuses to let their kids be who they are don't deserve to have children in my opinion.

Quoting renijazzysmom:

I guess so. But who says that all kids get depressed because their parents won't let them change from a girl to a boy or a boy to a girl.

Quoting purpleducky:

So you would rather your child grow up depressed because you refuse to accept them for who they are?

Quoting renijazzysmom:

Oh well. I think it's a shame people let such young children make decisions that will affect them for the rest of their lives.

Quoting Kittykatx:

Shame they'll probably resent you for not accepting them.

Quoting renijazzysmom:

I would never allow my child to change their gender at that young of a age. They could become a man all they want after they leave my house.

by Anonymous 47 on Jan. 26, 2013 at 12:55 AM
1 mom liked this

I think it is awesome that you accept your children for who they are and use your experiences to help guide other moms who may be going through something similar.  I have 7 kids, 11 and I have no idea what the future holds for me or my children.  I do know though, that like you I will be supportive and understanding of what my children feel and go through.  "Normal" or not.  We aren't really a "normal" family it gives me a degree of compassion to those who don't fit the norm.  Because really, who is the norm?  I applaud you for giving your children the support they need, and I can see that you are such a proud mama of who they have become!!!!  And you should be!  They are both beautiful children!!

BTW, we are a northern suburb of Chicago.  And actually our old neighbors had a daughter who was 8 and transgender...and it opened up a dialogue with my children.  It's not only important for a parent to be supportive, but a community as well.   I hope that you and your daughters are accepted for who they are in life and are able to avoid those who have negative things to say. 

EDITED TO ADD: I have no idea why i am being marked as anonymous.   ?????


Jessa, mama to:

Alyssa(11), Autumn(10), Mariah(9), Matthew(8), Blake(7), Laila(3) and Athena born 9/14!!!!

by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 12:56 AM

Not going to read through the pages, don't want to see idiots, however, she is such a beautiful girl.

by Ruby Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 12:56 AM

I love it :D The world needs more understanding parents like you :)

by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 12:59 AM
2 moms liked this

And how in the hell do you know this?! How can you possibly know her DAUGHTER saw something on tv about transgenders and decided that's what SHE was? You're totally ignorant about what happens in her home. So shut up and get back in the kitchen

Quoting Anonymous:

I didn't even read this post because I think there is to much MEDIA infiltration clogging up kids heads. When I was 11, I didn't know what this is. I BET...if we could send your daughter back in time to grow up in the 80's for example...she wouldn't be thinking this. This shit is ridiculous that kids know about this, are thinking about this and deciding who/what they are at 11. If you as a MOM can't see that she is INFLUENCED then you are crazy. Twenty some years ago...transgender issues would even cross kids' minds.

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by Platinum Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 12:59 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm very curious to see how this ends up when the child is in their late teens. Will she appreciate that you posted this all over the internet. What if she changes her mind? I mean seriously imagine how this post will come back to haunt her. good job.

by Anonymous 22 on Jan. 26, 2013 at 1:00 AM
1 mom liked this

When they're born with an extra chromosome it's alot different than just feeling like a boy or a girl. They're programmed with those hormones from birth, so as they start to notice gender specifics (boy stuff and girl stuff) and they prefer the girl stuff, that is when they realize that something is off.

If we raised our kids in a completely gender neutral world, honestly they wouldn't have much of an idea. It's actually society that helps them decide because of the stereotype that boys and girls need to dress, play, talk, and act certain ways.

If we were gender neutral as parents, we also wouldn't see our kids as boys or girls. So if our boys started growing their hair long and wearing dresses, it would just be natural. Or if girls wanted a shaved haircut and to play in the mud all day, it would also be natural.

The signs would be there either way, because of the hormone differences. You would see more feminine or masculine qualities. But if being a boy meant being sensitive and liking "girl" stuff as much as it meant playing in dirt and mud and being rough, then I don't think kids would be concerned with making this decision at such an early age because the gender specification wouldn't matter. They wouldn't be expected to act their gender.

Quoting BellaByrdie:

Your daughters are both adorable and look pretty spunky!!

Okay let me preface this by saying I have no problems with gay lesbian transgendered. So please don't be offended I genuinely am wondering. I understand when someone is older and at like 17 and up can say they feel like they have been born in the wrong gender some of my friends are transgendered and for them it was a long slow realisation. But how does a kid that young really know? I am honestly wondering. We're there a lot of signs? Could you kinda tell something wasn't clicking for her and you couldn't pinpoint the problem? How do they know that rather the wrong gender she wasn't just different from the boys she knew. Boys especially tend to be pushed into one mold I think. Girls can be girly or tomboys and be still considered normal. Boys seem to be expected to be one way or crappy attitudes arise.

That said. I would hope (and like to think I could) embrace my child no matter what path they take in life and personally I don't care who they love as long as they are treated well (and are willing to give me at least one grandchild lol). I commend you for so openly embracing your daughter. I have had friends who had rough times coming out. And unimaginable pain embracing their true identities. I wish all had such a supportive loving parent in their life as you seem to be.

by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 1:00 AM

I want to give you a big ol hug for this! Thanks for sharing your story and posting the pics, she sure is adorable.. both kids are! 

I'm a belly dancing and sword fighting mama of 2. I'm married to my high school sweet heart. I plan on enlisting to the army very soon, and having more kids :)

by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 1:01 AM
I sincerely applaud you. All woman should be like you. Accepting. Loving. Caring. All the traits that SHOULD come with being a mom. i love that you were brave enough to share and your girls are beautiful.
Dont mind anyone on here that chooses to attack you for letting your child be who they want to be. At the end of the day, your opinion is what counts, not the unhappy bitches on this site.
Again, I seriously applaud you.
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by Anonymous 22 on Jan. 26, 2013 at 1:06 AM
2 moms liked this

Have you ever made a post about your child that could potentially embarrass them. Have you shared bathtub photos, or naked baby photos. Did you think of the embarrassment it could cause your kids?

Get a grip, she didn't use the kids last names. If you google Erin this is NOT anywhere near the first 50 pages of posts you will find on google.

As for changing her mind, if you read the post you would know the child was born this way. She has an extra chromosome that makes her more female internally than male. The outside does not always reflect the way you are on the inside. MANY medical disorders (though I wouldn't really consider this a disorder, it's just how she is) are the same way. I guarantee you've met at least 3 people in your lifetime with aspergers that look like "normal" people on the outside. Internally they're wired differently. Considering your chromosomal makeup IS what makes you, having an extra chromosome that makes you more female than male is what makes Erin a girl.

If you want to get technical, since she does feel more female than male, the Y chromosome was actually the added mistake to her body.

Quoting Irenesmommy:

I'm very curious to see how this ends up when the child is in their late teens. Will she appreciate that you posted this all over the internet. What if she changes her mind? I mean seriously imagine how this post will come back to haunt her. good job.

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