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Mother of a Transgendered Child

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Hello!

My name is Jennifer, I am 31 years old and the mother of two amazing children. My oldest child is 11 years old and really intelligent. Now, I know parents say that a lot about their children but she really is very smart. She is 11 years old and already taking high school credits and next year she will be taking college credits. She is spunky and has a mind and style all her own. She never follows the crowd and is a trend setter at her school.

My youngest is also just as awesome and unique. My youngest came and sat me down about 2 months ago. Actually, my oldest came to me first and said, "Mom, Erin and I have something that we need to talk to you about." That is when I sat down with my kids and had my youngest tell me, "Mom, I'm a girl." I had no idea what to think at first; you see, Erin had been in fact born Aaron, a boy. Now, I have seen the signs since she was very young but always would tell her that she is a boys and boys don't dress or act that way. When my kids sat me down, however, it hit me. Erin had been confiding in her sister for a while; they would dress up together in private, too afraid to tell me cause Erin did not want to disappoint me. I thought it over for a minute and thought about how I have always told my kids they could be whatever they wanted to be, that I would always love them because I am their mother. I realized I could not be upset, that no matter what, this is still my child; my child I gave birth to and have loved and still love with all my heart and soul.

Ever since Erin has came out to me and people around her, she has been a totally different child; happier and more at peace. Erin used to be an introvert and a troublemaker at home. She would throw tantrums, backtalk, and try to cause self harm, but ever since she has came out to the world, she is very lovable, very well behaved, and has so many friends. I have seen so many people point accusing fingers at me, telling me that somehow this is my fault and that I am crazy for allowing Erin to be herself instead of boy. They did not see the child before the transformation.

I want parents and everyone to think about something before pointing fingers and making accusations. Think about how I said my child was self harming before coming out. It was scary not knowing how to help my child because they felt alone. You can't tell me therapy would have been suffice because I tried therapy and hospitalization, cause I did not know at the time why Erin was self harming. Trust me, nothing worked. But ever since Erin has came out to me and has support now from therapist and me, she has done a total turn around.

As a parent, it is our duty to protect our children and love them forever. It is our duty to nurture them and encourage them. On top of all that, though, it is not our job to tell them what they can or cannot be. We need to help them find their talents and to nurture those talents. Love them unconditionally.

by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 10:46 AM
Replies (491-500):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 26, 2013 at 12:56 PM

 

You are asking me to cite a source or specific study when you can't even identify the root problem of this issue. Which portion of this individual case would you like me to cite? A study on the on transgenderism? A study on enforcing/reinforcing certain behaviors and the role it plays in molding a child's personality/behavior ? A study on what causes a child to harm themself? Don't play games-you obviously know less about psychology than you think. Give me a specific question and I will give you an answer.

Quoting ripemango:

surprise, surprise, surprise.....why, you didn't even cite 1 source. Shocking.

 

Quoting Anonymous:

 Ok, since you are so knowledgeable in this subject-humor me. Your professional opinion would be to advise this woman to "cure" a child that is harming himself   by convincing him that he is female? You claim to have a Bachelors in Psychology, yet the most alarming portion of this post went right over your head. Any knowledgeable clinical/ behavorial psychologist would " 1.Most importantly address the "harming himself " issue as  obviously that is an indicator that his issues go much beyond his physical appearance. 2. By allowing him to live his life under the impression that he is an actual girl vs. a boy that has transitioned into a girl is unhealthy and can cause mental distress in the future as he still will not get the satisifaction he seeks by simply "tellng people he is a girl". 3. By allowing him to make this decision in connection with the fact that he was hurting himslef teaches a child of that age that this type of behavior is acceptable to "get his point across". There is nothing wrong with him dressing as a female. But he has to accept that he is not a natural born female and that he was born male. When he accepts what he is, which obviously is not a girl nor a "typical" boy, than he can find the internal satisfaction that he desires. He may have to create his own "definition" of what he is, but what he is is not what his mother is convincing him that  he is.The reason I have an issue with his age is because he is not old enough to identify this "Definition" as of yet. Therefore to allow him to make such a life altering decision can have adverse results. Your desire to call me intolerant has made you ignore some major factors

Quoting ripemango:

...and upon what data/studies are you basing this opinion? Be prepared to cite your sources (I have full access to any study published in medical/scientific journals).

btw 1 of my degrees is a B.S. in Psychology

Go.

Quoting Anonymous:

As a psychology major( I graduate this semester), I would advise you at that age- you are REALLY fucking that child up. Even though your intentions are good, you really are setting that kid up for a huge reality check in the future.

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

SareyF
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 12:58 PM
3 moms liked this
I don't know why its so shocking that there are so many ignorant people on here, but wow, some of you moms should be ashamed. What defines a boy as a boy or a girl as a girl? It's more complex than what genitalia we see on the outside. A person with what we see as a penis can have female reproductive parts inside, just as someone with what looks like a vulva can have male reproductive parts inside. Plus we don't see differences in chromosomes, in the brain. So what defines gender? Much of that is socially constructed. Why should we deny what each person knows to be their truth?! Does it hurt you in any way? Uuuuug.
A mother's job is to love and support. Op, you are wonderful and don't let anyone shake you. The proof is there. It's just some people are so cold and callous. You keep loving those children. Kudos to you.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 26, 2013 at 1:03 PM


I agree 100% .  Cafe mom is a huge site   and honestly speaking  If I recognized this child as a kids in my kids classroom or something , my child would not be allowed to play with this kid . As a parent I will not allow these types of influences around my  children .  Many people will feel this way  once they find out this is a boy in girls clothing .  Just out of curosity , at school  does she use the girls or boys bathroom .  I only ask because if I had daughters I would be livid if I found out a boy was going into the girls  bathroom  regardless of how she was dressed . 

Quoting Anonymous:

As a clinical therapist working with children, I have never treated a young client with a diagnosus of gender identity disorder but I am really hoping you will find a clinician with the skills and expertise to provide the professional support your child will need over the next several years. Also, I would never in a million years put such personal information along with pictures on a public website.



paige8608
by Bronze Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 1:05 PM

YOU ARE AWESOME! Love & support!

purpleducky
by Ruby Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 1:05 PM
2 moms liked this

Wow. Way to raise your children to be close minded and judgemental too.

Quoting Anonymous:


I agree 100% .  Cafe mom is a huge site   and honestly speaking  If I recognized this child as a kids in my kids classroom or something , my child would not be allowed to play with this kid . As a parent I will not allow these types of influences around my  children .  Many people will feel this way  once they find out this is a boy in girls clothing .  Just out of curosity , at school  does she use the girls or boys bathroom .  I only ask because if I had daughters I would be livid if I found out a boy was going into the girls  bathroom  regardless of how she was dressed . 

Quoting Anonymous:

As a clinical therapist working with children, I have never treated a young client with a diagnosus of gender identity disorder but I am really hoping you will find a clinician with the skills and expertise to provide the professional support your child will need over the next several years. Also, I would never in a million years put such personal information along with pictures on a public website.




ripemango
by Gold Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 1:08 PM

Your oh so coherent, original claim:

"I would advise you at that age- you are REALLY fucking that child up. Even though your intentions are good, you really are setting that kid up for a huge reality check in the future."


Quoting Anonymous:


You are asking me to cite a source or specific study when you can't even identify the root problem of this issue. Which portion of this individual case would you like me to cite? A study on the on transgenderism? A study on enforcing/reinforcing certain behaviors and the role it plays in molding a child's personality/behavior ? A study on what causes a child to harm themself? Don't play games-you obviously know less about psychology than you think. Give me a specific question and I will give you an answer.

Quoting ripemango:

surprise, surprise, surprise.....why, you didn't even cite 1 source. Shocking.


Quoting Anonymous:

 Ok, since you are so knowledgeable in this subject-humor me. Your professional opinion would be to advise this woman to "cure" a child that is harming himself   by convincing him that he is female? You claim to have a Bachelors in Psychology, yet the most alarming portion of this post went right over your head. Any knowledgeable clinical/ behavorial psychologist would " 1.Most importantly address the "harming himself " issue as  obviously that is an indicator that his issues go much beyond his physical appearance. 2. By allowing him to live his life under the impression that he is an actual girl vs. a boy that has transitioned into a girl is unhealthy and can cause mental distress in the future as he still will not get the satisifaction he seeks by simply "tellng people he is a girl". 3. By allowing him to make this decision in connection with the fact that he was hurting himslef teaches a child of that age that this type of behavior is acceptable to "get his point across". There is nothing wrong with him dressing as a female. But he has to accept that he is not a natural born female and that he was born male. When he accepts what he is, which obviously is not a girl nor a "typical" boy, than he can find the internal satisfaction that he desires. He may have to create his own "definition" of what he is, but what he is is not what his mother is convincing him that  he is.The reason I have an issue with his age is because he is not old enough to identify this "Definition" as of yet. Therefore to allow him to make such a life altering decision can have adverse results. Your desire to call me intolerant has made you ignore some major factors

Quoting ripemango:

...and upon what data/studies are you basing this opinion? Be prepared to cite your sources (I have full access to any study published in medical/scientific journals).

btw 1 of my degrees is a B.S. in Psychology

Go.

Quoting Anonymous:

As a psychology major( I graduate this semester), I would advise you at that age- you are REALLY fucking that child up. Even though your intentions are good, you really are setting that kid up for a huge reality check in the future.












I don't know where the sunbeams end and the starlights begin; it's all a mystery.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 26, 2013 at 1:10 PM

 

May I ask you a question? If I continued to refer to you in the female context, would it upset you? Why or why not?
and no this is not the anon you just quoted

Quoting purpleducky:

Wow. Way to raise your children to be close minded and judgemental too.

Quoting Anonymous:

 

I agree 100% .  Cafe mom is a huge site   and honestly speaking  If I recognized this child as a kids in my kids classroom or something , my child would not be allowed to play with this kid . As a parent I will not allow these types of influences around my  children .  Many people will feel this way  once they find out this is a boy in girls clothing .  Just out of curosity , at school  does she use the girls or boys bathroom .  I only ask because if I had daughters I would be livid if I found out a boy was going into the girls  bathroom  regardless of how she was dressed . 

Quoting Anonymous:

As a clinical therapist working with children, I have never treated a young client with a diagnosus of gender identity disorder but I am really hoping you will find a clinician with the skills and expertise to provide the professional support your child will need over the next several years. Also, I would never in a million years put such personal information along with pictures on a public website.

 

 



 

Natalie1112
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 1:11 PM
Back in the day ppl wouldn't tlk about this but it doesn't mean that kids couldn't come out feeling this way.


Quoting Anonymous:


This 


Quoting Anonymous:

I didn't even read this post because I think there is to much MEDIA infiltration clogging up kids heads. When I was 11, I didn't know what this is. I BET...if we could send your daughter back in time to grow up in the 80's for example...she wouldn't be thinking this. This shit is ridiculous that kids know about this, are thinking about this and deciding who/what they are at 11. If you as a MOM can't see that she is INFLUENCED then you are crazy. Twenty some years ago...transgender issues would even cross kids' minds.





Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
AmericanChild82
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 1:11 PM

 I wish more parents were like you. As parents we should be excepting our children for who they are, not who we want them to be. Your girls are beautiful and I can tell they love each other very much. I'm so glad Erin confinded in your oldest and they decided to tell you. I can see she is such a happy go lucky child. You deserve a medal because not all parents would have been accepting like you.

purpleducky
by Ruby Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 1:11 PM

No it would not upset me because I realize this is CM, where the majority of the members are female.

Quoting Anonymous:

May I ask you a question? If I continued to refer to you in the female context, would it upset you? Why or why not?
and no this is not the anon you just quoted

Quoting purpleducky:

Wow. Way to raise your children to be close minded and judgemental too.

Quoting Anonymous:

I agree 100% .  Cafe mom is a huge site   and honestly speaking  If I recognized this child as a kids in my kids classroom or something , my child would not be allowed to play with this kid . As a parent I will not allow these types of influences around my  children .  Many people will feel this way  once they find out this is a boy in girls clothing .  Just out of curosity , at school  does she use the girls or boys bathroom .  I only ask because if I had daughters I would be livid if I found out a boy was going into the girls  bathroom  regardless of how she was dressed . 

Quoting Anonymous:

As a clinical therapist working with children, I have never treated a young client with a diagnosus of gender identity disorder but I am really hoping you will find a clinician with the skills and expertise to provide the professional support your child will need over the next several years. Also, I would never in a million years put such personal information along with pictures on a public website.







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