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Mother of a Transgendered Child

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My name is Jennifer, I am 31 years old and the mother of two amazing children. My oldest child is 11 years old and really intelligent. Now, I know parents say that a lot about their children but she really is very smart. She is 11 years old and already taking high school credits and next year she will be taking college credits. She is spunky and has a mind and style all her own. She never follows the crowd and is a trend setter at her school.

My youngest is also just as awesome and unique. My youngest came and sat me down about 2 months ago. Actually, my oldest came to me first and said, "Mom, Erin and I have something that we need to talk to you about." That is when I sat down with my kids and had my youngest tell me, "Mom, I'm a girl." I had no idea what to think at first; you see, Erin had been in fact born Aaron, a boy. Now, I have seen the signs since she was very young but always would tell her that she is a boys and boys don't dress or act that way. When my kids sat me down, however, it hit me. Erin had been confiding in her sister for a while; they would dress up together in private, too afraid to tell me cause Erin did not want to disappoint me. I thought it over for a minute and thought about how I have always told my kids they could be whatever they wanted to be, that I would always love them because I am their mother. I realized I could not be upset, that no matter what, this is still my child; my child I gave birth to and have loved and still love with all my heart and soul.

Ever since Erin has came out to me and people around her, she has been a totally different child; happier and more at peace. Erin used to be an introvert and a troublemaker at home. She would throw tantrums, backtalk, and try to cause self harm, but ever since she has came out to the world, she is very lovable, very well behaved, and has so many friends. I have seen so many people point accusing fingers at me, telling me that somehow this is my fault and that I am crazy for allowing Erin to be herself instead of boy. They did not see the child before the transformation.

I want parents and everyone to think about something before pointing fingers and making accusations. Think about how I said my child was self harming before coming out. It was scary not knowing how to help my child because they felt alone. You can't tell me therapy would have been suffice because I tried therapy and hospitalization, cause I did not know at the time why Erin was self harming. Trust me, nothing worked. But ever since Erin has came out to me and has support now from therapist and me, she has done a total turn around.

As a parent, it is our duty to protect our children and love them forever. It is our duty to nurture them and encourage them. On top of all that, though, it is not our job to tell them what they can or cannot be. We need to help them find their talents and to nurture those talents. Love them unconditionally.

by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 10:46 AM
Replies (791-800):
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:42 PM
2 moms liked this

God Bless you both. I'm glad Erin had a big sister to turn to .Great Job!! Big Sis for being supportive and helping Erin share the news with mom. Great Job mom for listening . And Yes love her for who she is . A gift from God.

by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:43 PM
3 moms liked this

Well done! Having your support and approval are probably the most important things you will ever give this child. Showing her that you love her whether male or female is worth gold. Always cherish her and take her to see a good endocrinologist that specializes in transgender people. Getter her the hormones early will prevent her male hormones taking over with all those manly changes as she gets older. I wish you all luck and you should consider giving talks to parents that think that they may have a transgender child.

by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:48 PM
U are amazing! I wish everyone was as accepting as u!
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by Silver Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:50 PM
Wow mel try reading new england journal of medicine sometime......

Quoting mel4him:

No, I don't believe in Gender Identity Disorder at all. It is a manmade term influenced by satan. No one is ever created in the wrong body. People just believe the lie and allow satan to influence them in the decisions they make. Transgenderism violates God's intentional design for sex and sexuality.

Quoting purpleducky:

Wow. You really do not understand gender identity disorder.

Quoting mel4him:

I disagree. I believe much of what he is feeling is due to low levels of testosterone. Anything else is attributed to the fact that he has two females in his life and is curious about the opposite sex. This mom mentioned nothing about this boys father. When I was a child we use to dress my little brother up out of fun. It is a normal part of childhood for young children. Doesn't mean anything in regard to their gender.

Quoting purpleducky:

I am not saying one way or the other. But I will say that HRT might not help in the sense you want it to. Feelings are not based on hormones.

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by Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:51 PM
I honestly don't know how I feel about this... I know I would live my children no matter what, but, I can't say how I'd feel or handle it because I'm not in the situation.
I just feel like the gay, lesbian, transgender stuff has been so glamorized and shoved in everyone's face, it's hard to say if influenced or just this child's perception.
Good luck, I wish you and your family the best.
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by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:52 PM
1 mom liked this

I commend your family and the support you're giving your little one.

One of my friends was once in a relationship with a very smart man that could be abusive and controlling sometimes (mostly about female stuff like make-up and clothes she were to wear).  She left this guy and found several years later that he finally ended up doing a gender change, and with the change was also his mood change for the better.  He became a much happier person because he was able to be himself, which was a she.  Now she's fully a woman instead of a man, and living a happier and much more fulfilled life.

I really think if people are confined to what they're forced to be and live when it isn't truly what they're meant to be or do, then for at least some people it will kill a part of who they are, or they will rebel and cause damage to either themselves, or those around them, or both.

by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:54 PM
This is so awesome,
I commend you for your strength and your daughters are awesome as well. I myself am in the reverse situation as I'm a transgender mom with two boys and its a difficult journey with children. I'm actually friends with a few mothers of transgender children and its really great to see them come out at such a young age and have parents that support them.
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by Mrs. Tennant on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:57 PM
Awesome : )
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by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 10:03 PM
4 moms liked this

I love this post and you are a great mother!  My daughter 10 recently came to me and told me she has a girlfriend, this was a bit of a surprise bc she has always been "into" boys. She says neither of them are sure what they are  but she was angry, withdrawn, would lash out at her sister or us, and would bite herself for the last 2 years  Her whole life she would worry what everyone int the world would think of her.  Now she is happy, closer  to her little sister, relaxed at home, and no longer bites herself.  The difference is amazing!  It bothered me when I went looking for online support groups to get some ideas on how to better be there for her, and found so many with parents claiming they feel they lost something and grieving for that loss.  I love my girls and if her first gf is any indication she has good taste in girls.  I am merely happy that she is happy!  I know my situation is different but thank you for making me feel less freakish by just loving my child instead of wanting her to be something she is not.   Both she and her gf have come out to thier friends at school and have been excepeted. Your girls are beautiful!

by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 10:04 PM
6 moms liked this

I need to rant for a moment.  I'm not bagging on any particular religion, so, please, do not get your panties in a bunch when you read this!  It's a rant.  It's my interpretation.  If you're offended, well, I'm can't say I'm sorry, because I'm expressing my frustration about what's been happening on this topic.  If you're easily offended, please stop reading now!!!  Move along, nothing to see.

RANT Begins:  My problem with "God" is that a great many of his followers are fanatic assholes who have their own interpretations of what he has said.  Not only that, but they are very militant about imposing their views about what he wants on other people, when it's clearly none of their business.  This child is clearly happier.  She is no longer self harming, and her self confidence is better.  She has an open, honest, and loving relationship with her mom and with her big sister.  To any other, for want of a better word, "normal", loving parent, this would be great news, but, not to the "god-fearing" fanatics.  They would rather this beautiful child be miserable or dead, than trans-gender and happy.  If that's good enough for their god, its good enough for them.  

END of Rant.

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